Shit Christians Say To Atheists: The Videos

Wow, you all delivered.

After reading the previous thread, several of you made your own version of the “Shit ____ Say to _____” videos.

Ashley Paramore put together this video called Shit Christians Say To Atheists:

And so did Christina Stephens:

Polyauteur had this version up almost immediately after the thread was posted:

Finally, Mark Panzarino made an alternate version called Shit Atheists Say:

Please spread the links if you like them :)

About Hemant Mehta

Hemant Mehta is the chair of Foundation Beyond Belief and a high school math teacher in the suburbs of Chicago. He began writing the Friendly Atheist blog in 2006. His latest book is called The Young Atheist's Survival Guide.

  • John Smith

    I’m not a video person, but I did post the following on my Facebook page…
    “You’re
    an atheist? But you’re so nice!” – It is amazing that someone can be a
    decent human being without the threat of some sky-monkey smacking them
    down if they disobey some arbitrary or ambiguous rule, but it can
    happen. “Do you believe in Satan?” – No. No god, no satan.
    “Your life must be bleak and meaningless.” – I live in reality – and
    reality has meaning. There is friendship, love, compassion, etc. “So why do you even bother to live?” – See above.
    “You were never a true believer.” – Finally got one right… I truly
    never did believe in any mythology. However, I have talked to and read
    articles by those who at one time did believe in a god of some sort.
    Just as some believers were not always so, some atheists have not always
    been atheists. “Why do you hate God?” – How can one hate that
    which does not exist? I do get tremendously frustrated at believers who
    insist that others live by their brand of mythology, but since there is
    no god to hate, I do not hate god. “You’re just going through a
    phase.” – This “phase” is almost 50 years now. No, just because I do
    not believe in your superstitious nonsense does not mean it is a
    “phase”. “Deep down, you really believe.” – You have not been listening, have you? Shallow, mid-depth, deep down – no god. “Just wait till you have children of your own.” – Moot point. “I’ll pray for you.” – I appreciate the thought.
    “But what if you’re wrong?” – Until someone gives me proof that passes
    basic scientific tests, I am not wrong. Besides, if one is to believe
    what is said of some gods, Pascal’s Wager is a fool’s wager. Think
    about it – a person should pretend to believe in a being to effectively
    fool that being into thinking the person has followed the being’s rules,
    yet this being is supposed to be omniscient, and able to read and
    understand your thoughts. So, pretend and you are darned to heck
    anyways. However, like the children question, this one is a moot point,
    too. “It’s not meant to be taken literally.” – Yet so many
    fools do take it literally, and expect everybody to live by that
    delusion…. “Have you ever read the Bible?” – Part of it, and
    I am reading it now. I suspect it will instill a belief in me just as
    my reading Lord of the Rings instilled the belief that Middle Earth is
    real. “You still believe in Jesus, though, right?” – Again – you have not been listening, have you.

  • John Smith

    I’m not a video person, but I did post the following on my Facebook page…
    “You’re
    an atheist? But you’re so nice!” – It is amazing that someone can be a
    decent human being without the threat of some sky-monkey smacking them
    down if they disobey some arbitrary or ambiguous rule, but it can
    happen. “Do you believe in Satan?” – No. No god, no satan.
    “Your life must be bleak and meaningless.” – I live in reality – and
    reality has meaning. There is friendship, love, compassion, etc. “So why do you even bother to live?” – See above.
    “You were never a true believer.” – Finally got one right… I truly
    never did believe in any mythology. However, I have talked to and read
    articles by those who at one time did believe in a god of some sort.
    Just as some believers were not always so, some atheists have not always
    been atheists. “Why do you hate God?” – How can one hate that
    which does not exist? I do get tremendously frustrated at believers who
    insist that others live by their brand of mythology, but since there is
    no god to hate, I do not hate god. “You’re just going through a
    phase.” – This “phase” is almost 50 years now. No, just because I do
    not believe in your superstitious nonsense does not mean it is a
    “phase”. “Deep down, you really believe.” – You have not been listening, have you? Shallow, mid-depth, deep down – no god. “Just wait till you have children of your own.” – Moot point. “I’ll pray for you.” – I appreciate the thought.
    “But what if you’re wrong?” – Until someone gives me proof that passes
    basic scientific tests, I am not wrong. Besides, if one is to believe
    what is said of some gods, Pascal’s Wager is a fool’s wager. Think
    about it – a person should pretend to believe in a being to effectively
    fool that being into thinking the person has followed the being’s rules,
    yet this being is supposed to be omniscient, and able to read and
    understand your thoughts. So, pretend and you are darned to heck
    anyways. However, like the children question, this one is a moot point,
    too. “It’s not meant to be taken literally.” – Yet so many
    fools do take it literally, and expect everybody to live by that
    delusion…. “Have you ever read the Bible?” – Part of it, and
    I am reading it now. I suspect it will instill a belief in me just as
    my reading Lord of the Rings instilled the belief that Middle Earth is
    real. “You still believe in Jesus, though, right?” – Again – you have not been listening, have you.

  • Christoph Burschka

     ”Look at this dog.”

    I guess she misheard something. :P

  • Fritz

    I got the “the reason you became an atheist is because god never chose you in the first place” line just yesterday. I was kinder than others were in the ensuing discussion.

    • Anonymous

      The true mark of a loving god (that was sarcastic). It would be bad enough if people were punished for all eternity because they weren’t convinced of said god’s existence, but it would be even worse if said god were to pick and choose who goes to Heaven and who goes to Hell before they’re even born.

      • Anonymous

        But that’s exactly what Calvinists (who inspired lots of modern Protestant theology) believe. They’re really big into predestination

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Predestination_%28Calvinism%29

        You wouldn’t believe they kind of nonsense various Christian sects invented to explain this. There are all kinds of different levels and kinds of predestination in order to reconcile it with free will and some other ideas. No one but an insane person could come up with any of it. Even complicated religions in fiction for example are more sensible

        • Anonymous

          I know, and it’s sad that so many people would worship a deity if they believe it to be like that.

  • Justin R

    About a year ago, I was walking across campus and a man in a group called out to me and asked me if I believe Jesus was my savior.  I replied no.  He asked me if I believed in god.  I said no.  Then he asked me “not even Moses?” That question caught me off guard; I was surprised that that was his last resort in saving my soul.

    • http://yetanotheratheist.com/ TerranRich

      What about talking snakes, ya gotta believe in THAT… right? Okay, okay, how’s about this… the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil. No? I’ve got something here in my Bag of Bullsh*t that you might believe…

  • Luddite

    Ha, ha… I get so many of these from my family’s “friends,” who I suspect are all competing for the brand new convection oven if they can get me to church. These remind me of the comments re: vegetarianism I also get… e.g., “What do you eat?,” “But you do like meat don’t you,” “I used to be a vegetarian,” “I’m a vegetarian. I only eat fish,” “Fish have feelings? No they don’t!”

  • Mikeed76

    Totally funny video until you stop to think about what she actually believes: (NOBODY x NOTHING) + (CHANCE x TIME) somehow = EVERYTHING.  

    • Anonymous

      You just show that you neither understand the Big Bang Theory, nor the Theory of Evolution. Not that anyone expected anything but that

  • http://twitter.com/krankyPanz Mark Panzarino

    It’s funny that three out of four of us had dogs in our videos, huh?

    Thanks for posting these, Hemant!

  • Tim S

    I would almost take these to be straw-man portrayals if I hadn’t actually solicited so many of these responses in real life.

    I don’t think all of it is that dumb, though. So many Christians are so steeped in their religious upbringing that they have just never had the opportunity to step back and really look at it from the outside. I can understand why they say many of these things.

    • Anonymous

      Some are understandable, but others aren’t. “Why do you bother living?” Really? Come on. Nothing can explain or even excuse such stupidity

      • http://twitter.com/WCLPeter Rob U

        To the “true” faithful there really is no meaning to life without Jesus. Its why they have such a hard time believing an Atheist when they say they are one, they can’t possibly conceive of the idea that anyone could even possibly be alive without Him.

      • http://fairlyodd.net Frances Bean

        I’ve had people say all of these to me. All of them, and especially that one. 

  • Crowwn

    I can prove there is a god. Just beleive in Jesus for one week and then you will know that he exists. “are you shiting me?”

  • Funnybroad

    Mark Panzarino is hilarious!  Hope to see him at the reason rally!

    • http://twitter.com/krankyPanz Mark Panzarino

      Thanks!  I’m going to try to make it.

      • http://www.laughinginpurgatory.com/ Andrew Hall

        “You can pray for me, I’ll think for you”

        That was brilliant.

  • http://profiles.google.com/jen.velic Jen Velic

    My favorite was, “No, you’re not really an Atheist, you’re Agnostic, right?”  and of course, “But you’re so nice!”

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=737167789 Lee Sanders

    I have also heard a few of these regarding vegetarianism (Hitler was a vegetarian. Well, are you a COMMUNIST too? Why do you bother living?) Maybe these are part of a big ol’ Venn diagram where the middle portion is just a generic “Stuff Dumbasses Say”.

  • http://twitter.com/SubtleSprout Nora Jameson

    totally gonna steal some of the lines from “shit atheists say.” “There is a reason it’s called christian APOLOGETICS” HAHAHAHHAHAHH

    • Michael Appleman

      When I first discovered ‘Atheism’, (I had been atheist for a while, but never really knew it was such a ‘thing’) and came across the term “apologetics” I first thought it was a derogatory term coined by atheists.

      • Anonymous

        I thought so, too.

    • http://twitter.com/krankyPanz Mark Panzarino

      No worries! 

  • Glasofruix

    “But what keeps you from going all around and murder people?”
    The fact that i’m not in the mood right now…

    • Deven Kale

      I like responding to this one with, “Ya know …  that’s … a good question … ,” and slowly, thoughtfully, walking away. Into the kitchen if I’m inside a house.

  • Peanuckle

    http://youtu.be/51dFlpwKkBM This one is pretty funny too (Things Christians say to Jewish people).

  • http://friendlyatheist.com Richard Wade

    “But what keeps you from going around killing people?”
    I don’t know. Maybe you’d better come up with a reason really quick.

  • http://thekatiejones.net Katie Jones

    I have a couple of gems from a conversation I had with a Christian yesterday:

    “You are destined for eternality, regardless!”
    “What is the purpose of loving if eventually everything is lost? Is there any purpose? How can humans create purpose?”
    “I feel as though you’ve digressed in your search for truth! In searching for more answers, you’ve found less.”

  • Derby

    Atheism is a tragic life.

    • Fritz

      That’s funny: I didn’t *think* I was crossing a bridge…

  • http://twitter.com/jesterstudio Jesse

    There’s definitely a lot of shit said in those videos – scary thing is how similar a lot of them are (the whole “so you worship Satan” thing is insane).

    There’s plenty of shit atheists say too. The whole dichotomy is one that has been approached badly from both camps – particularly in America, it would seem (I’m in the UK and there’s much less of a “church culture” here that would cause a person to say “You’re an atheist? But you’re really nice!”, because most Christians here have incredibly mixed social groups, in my experience, so it wouldn’t come as such a surprise that there are nice non-Christians).

    The truth is, the kind of dumb statements represented in these videos are ones that a large portion of Christians themselves fight against, probably with more passion and learning than from outside the church. I consider myself one of those.

  • Anonymous

    ‘I have a hard time calling myself a humanist because I know that’s gonna make my parents proud.’ 
    :D

  • berock212

    There was a advertisement on this site about 6 reasons why god does exist. I am kind of surprised that this ad would be on this site so I clicked on it to see if I could answer for all 6. I could so I am not going to convert.


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