Before You Have Sexy Times, Consult This Chart

God wants you to:

(via Boing Boing)

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  • John A. Anderson

    This bears an uncanny resemblence to the position taken, with a straight face, by candidate Rick Santorum.

  • Philbert

    He loves the sweater vests, too

  • John Perkins

    hey, sweater vests can be cool…

  • westley

    Hisao wears a sweater-vest!  Coincidence?  I think not.

  • TheBlackCat

    No, no they can’t.

  • Georgia Stanton

    Oh, man, I just have this really vivid image of him proudly releasing this chart as a public service announcement…

  • Lurker111

    Tom the Dancing Bug _used_ to be carried by the Richmond (Va.) Times-Dispatch, but he was evidently too intelligent for the readership.  I can only imagine the outcry that would have occurred, had this comic made it to its pages.

    Here in Richmond, the outcome of the Civil War is yet to be determined.

  • Richard Wade

    What a hilarious (yet sad, because it’s so accurate) collection of double binds and catch 22’s.

    Two things really stimulate people’s emotions: sex and death. If you can convince them that sex and death are really bad, and only you have the way to make sex and death okay, then you have them by their genitals, and you have them by their throats. You can get them to do anything you want.

    Be free of fear.

  • BlzBob

    I’ve had good experience with appliances. Don’t have to buy them dinner. Don’t have to meet their parents. Don’t even have to know their name. Don’t need birth control. Everyone wins!

  • Anonymous

    I can tell you from experience, make sure the kitchen appliances are unplugged, first.

  • Richard Wade

    But after that night, they don’t call, they don’t write… :'(

  • TerranRich

    And my toaster won’t even make eye contact with me anymore. Awkward…

  • Erik Cameron

    I call rule 34 on “Multiple genders, species, appliances and mythical creatures writhing naked on the floors of our places of worship, demanding to be married”.