Reasons for Invoking God’s Name…

There really are no other reasons, are there?

(via Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal)

About Hemant Mehta

Hemant Mehta is the chair of Foundation Beyond Belief and a high school math teacher in the suburbs of Chicago. He began writing the Friendly Atheist blog in 2006. His latest book is called The Young Atheist's Survival Guide.

  • http://profiles.google.com/goblinbabies Sara Waldecker

    Sorry, I still do all of those but the little purple circle there on the right! My dad is an atheist and has managed to totally eliminate the words ‘god’, ‘bless’, ‘Jesus’, and ‘Christ’. Alas, I have not.

    • Penn

      I know what you mean. I tried to remove ‘oh my God’ from the list of things I say, and somehow ended up settling on ‘Good Lord…’
      Greeeat step up there. ^^’

      • jdm8

         Maybe try to switch to “Sweet zombie Jesus”?  That way they’re too shocked to reply that you must believe in god if you call out to god.

    • Carla

      I occasionally let the medieval “gogswounds” slip out. The people who get it think it’s funny, the people who don’t just think I’m crazy. 

      • http://www.facebook.com/chrisalgoo Chris Algoo

        You can use the shorter (and more hilarious) version of that word – zounds!

      • Qunty Baginshaw

        What’s the derivation and pronunciation?    I don’t get it – but I would hazard a guess that you’re not crazy :)  

    • Kevin_Of_Bangor

      It is not that hard to do and you can come up with all kinds of fun and new sayings. I myself use “big hairy monkey balls” or just “monkey balls” often.

  • Istj04

    Never heard of the “Yelling At Vibrators” category! Can any women identify with that? 

    • Penn

      … Affirmative.
      Come on though, dude, guys can use vibes too. ;)

    • Tainda

      As a woman, there is never a reason to yell at your vibrator!  That’s just blasphemy!

      Unless they are talking about when the batteries fail….

      • Bluebury

        I do believe that is exactly what they are talking about.  At the risk of sounding hyperbolic, that is literally the worst thing ever.  Ever, ever.

        • Tainda

          Amen!

          lol

        • Yukimi

          So so SO agree XP

        • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

           *nods*

          And when it takes an odd-sized battery, you can’t just run to the corner store.

  • http://friendlyatheist.com Richard Wade

    There really are no other reasons, are there?

    Well, I suppose stubbing my little toe all the way back to my heel on the bedpost, or seeing the cat about to use the pool table surface to sharpen her claws would emotionally fit well into the damning electronics category, which I do a hell of a lot since I’m one of the last of the analog generation. So, yeah there really are no other reasons.

    Funny, now that I think about it, I use the same curses, blasphemy and vulgarities that my dad used. He was a sailor. Ah, how some family traditions never fade.

    • Carla

      Toe stubbing is definitely an important time to invoke the name of the lord. Although the full string of words tends to inappropriate for polite company….

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Adrian-Chester/682538320 Adrian Chester

    Yep, but having just spent half an hour convincing my new brushcutter to start up, I would substitute 2-stroke motors for electronics. 

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003293001320 Diana Winters

      2 stroke engines! I threw mine across the front yard whilst cursing it.

    • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/FDGYHBEWVNGUG763L5X4TON3JQ Nazani14

       I feel your pain.
      Jesus Haploid Christ!

  • 2ndServe

    My friend regularly says, “God Damn Christians” and it has a nice ring to it.

  • Sindigo

    I use blasphemous curses with gleeful abandon. “God’s Cock!” is my current favourite.

  • eonL5

    More More! Need more alternatives to “oh god” and such. I’ve tried Dog, but “dog damn it” just … doesn’t work.

    Keep ‘em rolling, friends. I like the ideas already mentioned. Send more!

  • Onamission5

    Instead of oh my god, I have tried relatively successfully to invoke Maude, the patron un-saint of women who don’t give a shit what anyone thinks of them, in honor of the late Bea Arthur. OMM and Maude damn are satisfactory tributes, I think.

  • CanadianNihilist

    Some how I’ve settled on “Jesus Fuck!” I don’t know how it reached that point but it’s the perfect amount of blasphemy and profanity for me. and it rolls right off my tongue when something happens.
    However when I stub a toe it’s followed by a minute and a half string of non nonsensical swear words chained together. 

  • http://dogmabytes.com/ C Peterson

    Although it’s difficult to render such a thing in a cartoon, the purple dot is way too big, and should actually be shown as a dimensionless point.

  • Jaspeada

    I like to say things like “holy milky way galaxy” or “galaxy/universe forbid”, to show my “belief” in the universe rather than a god. Plus it confuses people, especially here in NC.

  • NakedAnthropologist

    My personal favorites are “Jesus tap-dancing Christ!” or “Christ on a cracker!”

    • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

       http://i166.photobucket.com/albums/u103/wmdkitty/jesus_tapdancing_christ.gif

  • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

    I’ve been using “Sweet Ceiling Cat”. “Basement Cat’s Balls!” is another favorite.


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