Well, If It Angers the Pope…

Happy National Masturbation Month. As if you heathens don’t already celebrate year-round…

(via Joe. My. God.)

About Hemant Mehta

Hemant Mehta is the chair of Foundation Beyond Belief and a high school math teacher in the suburbs of Chicago. He began writing the Friendly Atheist blog in 2006. His latest book is called The Young Atheist's Survival Guide.

  • Baby_Raptor

    If it angers the religious, it’s probably the right thing to do.

    • Tweekus

      Sounds like a wiener to me.

  • dorcheat

    Hemant, thanks for the laugh waking up this morning! Now really we need some sort of graphic design for women for National Masturbation Month.

    • liu

      Women masturbating!? What is this blaspheme?

      • Baby_Raptor

        We totally do. It’s a magical and wonderful time, full of self-exploration and pleasure and sometimes loud noises…

      • Tainda

        They don’t need that image anyway, there are no women on the intarweb

        • Tweekus

          Welcome to the internet, where the Men are Men, the Women are Men, and the children are FBI Agents or Christian Right Leaders.

          • Melody Hollis

            “The children are FBI Agents…” hahaha. You win.

            • Tweekus

              I try.

          • Tainda

            ROFL! I snort laughed

            • Tweekus

              My mission is officially complete. Muahahahaha!!!!

    • Disunstrung
      • The Other Weirdo

        LOL! Is that an actual, visual “Sploosh”? It’s like Archer has come to meat life.

      • http://www.facebook.com/kellen.conner.5 Kellen Conner

        Ah, thank you. I was feeling left out. ^_^

      • onamission5

        Yay! I was just going to pout about there not being one with vulva, and now I don’t have to!

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=597605006 Mary Driftwood

        That’s more like it!

    • newavocation

      Now we just need hairy palm gloves

  • wyocowboy

    LOVE IT!!!!!!!!

  • indorri

    Ah, the good thing about leaving irrational Catholic ideology behind.

  • Billy Bob

    Not just the pope. When I was young, our youth leaders(Baptist church) would tell us self pleasure is just as evil as pre marital sex. Thankfully, even at that time, I never believed in Christianity(my parents made me go to church).

    And yes, I do celebrate this month year round.

    • http://www.flickr.com/photos/chidy/ chicago dyke

      i’ve always found it amusing that religious types lie so much and so badly about masturbation. talk about a losing battle! you’d think they would better understand: anyone who has done it will realize that it not only feels good, but that the heavens don’t come hurling down and smite the masturbator. i can’t think of anything that would douse budding belief than to be a young person discovering the joys of masturbation, and at the same time the emptiness of the threats about punishment for doing it.

      • http://www.facebook.com/kellen.conner.5 Kellen Conner

        I discovered it about a year before anyone remembered to tell me it was evil. I think I bothered to feel guilty about it, maybe twice. Then I realized I wasn’t hurting anybody… in fact, I was doing the opposite of hurting anybody. Thus far, it’s been the most reliable anti-depressant I’ve ever taken. ^_^ So, yeah, that’s about when I started questioning everything the clergy and my parents ever said. Chalk one up for your theory.

        • Jayn

          “Thus far, it’s been the most reliable anti-depressant I’ve ever taken”

          I’m guessing the cheapest too. Hey, maybe if the church promoted masturbation they’d be able to garner more donations…but that’s not likely to change their minds either.

          • Spuddie

            But imagine how much fun they would take out of it by making it a sacrament.

      • Stev84

        You’d think they would promote masturbation so that people have an easier time not having actual sex.

        • Randay

          They should also promote hand jobs by another person and mouth jobs.

      • Mairianna

        For many, the sense of guilt is punishment enough….

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=597605006 Mary Driftwood

      And Mark Driscoll, who thinks masturbation is a form of homosexuality.

  • Graham Martin-Royle

    I do hope no ones trying to say I should only do this one month a year.

  • Emily

    Everyone here realizes that there’s no such thing as National Masturbation Month, right?

    • TiltedHorizon

      If only I read this a few minutes ago……. now I have to finish what I started.

    • Kengi

      Can you prove there is no such thing?

      Next you’ll tell me there isn’t a National Sausage Month!

      • Bad_homonym

        Bratsphemy

        • Tweekus

          Wow, that was a searing joke. i bet someone got grilled for that joke.

          • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

            It was, in truth, the wurst…

    • Spuddie

      They are just jerking you around. Or are you doing it yourself?

    • Helanna

      You mean there *wasn’t* any such thing. But now it’s on the internet, so it must be true!

  • liu

    And yet the image pictured is a circumcised penis. Oh the irony…

  • http://www.facebook.com/andy.gunn.902 Andy Gunn

    What a load of wank

    • Tweekus

      I see what you did there

  • Glasofruix

    I’m going to anger the pope right away :D

    • Tweekus

      Enjoy!

  • TiltedHorizon

    I’ve angered the pope religiously since hitting puberty.

  • NoYourGod

    What the hell – be unfaithful….be ambidextrous!

  • Spuddie

    It reminds me of an old SNL bit with Father Guido Sarducci.

    He was explaining there was no hell. Instead you simply pay fines for your sins. Murder would be like $1M, adultery $5K, masturbation $0.25 (but it really begins to add up!)

    • http://www.facebook.com/matt.bowyer.75 Matt Bowyer

      Totally OT, but I must upvote you for your avatar.

  • WallofSleep

    So… many… jokes… can’t… *thud*

  • Sunny Day

    31 days of Masturbation? I don’t think I can keep up. Even god rested on the 7th.

  • McAtheist

    Oh darnit! I thought it was last month – guess I’ll have to do it all over again. The things I must do for my country…..oh well.

  • Seamus Ruah

    Faptastic!

  • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

    That reminds me, I need to buy batteries…

  • Kimpatsu

    National “angers the Pope month”. Tagline: Come on, Pontiff!

  • DruidBert

    Why yes, we Heathens do celebrate year round.

  • Joy Morris

    I’m glad I just picked up a fresh set of rechargeable batteries. Looks like I’m going to be needing them.

  • Robster

    Don’t hear much about masturbation from the self appointed arbiters of morality any more. Back in the 60′s they used to say things like “stop it or you’ll go blind” or was that Monty Python? Can’t remember. They’ve moved onto child rape and the gehys, they only do one of those well. Perhaps getting uptight at personal pleasure would be less embarrassing for the godly than their current failed campaigns, their fairy is quite useless apparently.

  • Agrajag

    Please include the female version of that poster too ? http://mandroppings.blogspot.no/2011/04/national-masturbation-month.html It’s good and right that these folks have made gender-neutral posters on masturbation, and masturbating women is -particularly- annoying to religious fundamentalists.


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