All Wet: Rabbis Give Thumbs-Up to Kosher Sex Lube

***UPDATED BELOW***

It must be hard for believers to keep up with all the perfectly arbitrary requirements of their religion — eat this, don’t eat that; wear this, don’t wear that, and on and on.

Luckily, holy men will help guide the confused, so that God doesn’t get too cranky. And so it was that rabbis from the Rabbinical Council of California came to inspect a 52,000 square foot production plant in Valencia, California, to examine the origins of every ingredient used in the manufacture of a brand of lubricant called Wet (link probably NSFW). The burning (or is that tingling?) question was whether the lube made there would become the first to be declared kosher. Says the company in a press release,

As recorded in the book of Deuteronomy over 3200 years ago, Moses gave us The Ten Commandments and the Kosher laws. Since then, we’ve had Kosher hot dogs, Kosher wine and Kosher matzoh. But now, thanks to Trigg Labs, Wet® personal lubricants and intimacy products are also Kosher!

Yay!

What’s interesting about the rabbinical certification of lube is the reason why the holy-men imprimatur was necessary to begin with. After all, as the Guardian points out,

Orthodox Jews spread all sorts of cosmetics over their bodies without checking they are kosher. From soaps to exfoliators, moisturisers to medical ointments, observant Jews can use whatever is sold on the mainstream market without checking its origins.

As it happens, the rabbis’ blessings are relevant only because observant Jews aren’t allowed to swallow something that isn’t kosher. So this is where penetrative and oral sex come together (ha!):

Although Orthodox Jews haven’t been waiting for the rabbinic nod before using lubes, they have been limited in what they could do with them. … This is the first rabbinic innovation to help kosher oral sex. In eight flavors.

Including Strawberry Seduction and — everyone’s favorite — Popp’n Cherry.

Now that’s hawt.

 

***UPDATE*** Nooooooooo!!! The rabbis have gone back on their word, as pointed out by commenter Donatello and reported in The Forward. This is the official statement:

“The Rabbinical Council of California’s Kashrut Division was in the final stages of certifying products produced by Trigg Laboratories. Certification of non-edible items is common in the kosher industry, but the intended uses of these items as now revealed, was misunderstood.”

Maybe they thought it was industrial lubricant with Popp’n Cherry flavor.

“The RCC has rescinded its certification with immediate effect, and deeply regrets the widespread consternation that this error caused.”

Slippery stuff!

About Terry Firma

Terry Firma, though born and Journalism-school-educated in Europe, has lived in the U.S. for the past 20-odd years. Stateside, his feature articles have been published in the New York Times, Reason, Rolling Stone, Playboy, and Wired. Terry is the founder of Moral Compass, a now dormant site that poked fun at the delusional claim by people of faith that a belief in God equips them with superior moral standards. He joined Friendly Atheist in 2013.


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