Christian Pastor: If We Describe Gay Sex to People, They’ll Turn Against Homosexuality!

Christian Pastor Thabiti Anyabwile has figured out how to turn the tide of support for same-sex marriage! Forget talking about the Bible — because, let’s face it, no one really cares what the Bible says (or doesn’t say) about homosexuality. Just starting talking about homosexual acts. Graphically.

Everyone’s going to gag when they hear it and that’ll force them to stop supporting gay rights!

No, really, that’s his brilliant idea. He writes about it at The Gospel Coalition in a post titled “The Importance of Your Gag Reflex When Discussing Homosexuality and ‘Gay Marriage’”:

Pastor Thabiti Anyabwile believes that if he just makes this face every time he talks about gay people, you won’t want them to have equal rights

I think it would be a good thing if more people were gagging on the reality of the sexual behavior that is now becoming public law, protected, and even promoted in public schools.

So what are we talking about? (Warning: Obscene descriptions follow. If sensitive in conscience, skip the block quotes below and go to the conclusion)

We are talking about one man inserting the male organ used to create life into the part of another man used to excrete waste. We are talking about one man taking the penus of another man into his mouth, or engaging in penus-to-penus grinding.

We are talking about a woman using her mouth to stimilute the nipples, vulva, clitoris or vagina of another woman, or using her hand or other “toys” to simulate sexual intercourse.

We are talking about anilingus and other things I still cannot name or describe.

That sense of moral outrage you’re now likely feeling — either at the descriptions above or at me for writing them — that gut-wrenching, jaw-clenching, hand-over-your-mouth, “I feel dirty” moral outrage is the gag reflex. It’s what you quietly felt when you read “two men deep kissing” in the second paragraph. Your moral sensibilities have been provoked — and rightly so. That reflex triggered by an accurate description of homosexual behavior will be the beginning of the recovery of moral sense and sensibility when it comes to the so-called “gay marriage” debate.

Huh.

I’m not gagging.

Must be something wrong with me.

Or maybe my first reaction when I hear a depiction of sex isn’t an automatic “EWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!” Even if it’s not something I have any desire to do, I’m not flipping out at the mere mention of it.

Or maybe I just don’t care what two consenting adults do in the privacy of their bedroom.

(Also, how does someone who thinks about penises, analingus,and stimulation this much manage to spell all those words wrong?)

This whole article is just a snapshot of why these Christians are losing the battle against gay rights. When we hear about gay couples, we think about relationships and love. When they hear about gay couples, they immediately jump to sodomy and cooties.

Love’s going to win out every time, even if Christians like Anyabwile aren’t mature enough to handle it.

(via Brad Williams, who shares Anyabwile’s abhorrent views on homosexuality, even if he doesn’t buy into the “gag reflex” plan. Image via Shutterstock)

About Hemant Mehta

Hemant Mehta is the editor of Friendly Atheist, appears on the Atheist Voice channel on YouTube, and co-hosts the uniquely-named Friendly Atheist Podcast. You can read much more about him here.

  • Frazzah

    Sounds like he thinks about those thing alot.

    • compl3x

      It seems to be the case that the people who claim to be the most repulsed by something, in this case homosexual sex, spend the most time thinking about it.

      • DavidMHart

        I’ll just offer you this:
        http://www.jesusandmo.net/2013/06/05/ugh2/

      • Santiago Brin

        I think about it a lot (gay sex)……..but I’m gay

        • busterggi

          Then you probably think about it less often than they do.

      • # zbowman

        It’s like what Stephen Fry said about the Catholic church and sex in general, I guess – sex is like food, and the only ones obsessed with it are anorexics and the morbidly obese.

    • Psycho Gecko

      If this guy hates gay sex, he must really hate Christianity.

      I mean, think about it. It’s all about having a very personal relationship with
      this Jesus guy, asking him to enter you, letting him walk beside you on a beach and carry you when you’re too tired. This is intimate stuff. He’s a manly man, too. A carpenter. That means he knows his way around a thick piece of wood. And the Catholics take it a step further. They get down on their knees, take a round piece of his flesh into their mouths, and swallow his bodily fluids. We should have known it would turn out that way. After all, that deity’s idea of the perfect creature was a naked man with no women around.

      • Spuddie

        You are on fire today!

        I can’t keep my coffee in my digestive system thanks to you. Too much of it is ending up either out my nose or on my computer screen.

      • James GIARDONO

        I like this post Thanks. JIMMY

      • Mary Leinart

        Reminds me of one of my favourite quotes from megachurch pastor Mark Driscoll! “If you would please, turn with me to the Song of Solomon. One of the great books of the Bible. Some have allegorized this book, and in so doing, they have destroyed it. They have destroyed it. They will say that it is an allegory between Jesus and his bride the church. Which if true, is weird. Because Jesus is having sex with me and puts his hand up my shirt. And that feels weird. I love Jesus, but not in that way.”

        • AskAnAtheistBecky

          This is a close second to Driscoll complaining that masturbation is gay, because a man who does so without his “wife in the room is bordering on homosexuality activity, particularly if he’s watching himself in a mirror and being turned on by his own male body.” Dude, you just told us so much more about your masturbatory habits than I ever thought I’d be privy to…

          • Oranje

            Don’t tell Driscoll about porn, then. “IT’S POLYGAMY!!!”

      • ZenDruid

        [hey, I'm sorry that I destroyed the magic 69 with my up vote]

  • flyb

    No gagging here either. This guy, and so many others like him, are sooooo focused on sexual activity. It’s very confounding to me.

    Besides, we can take anything and reduce it to its simplest actions and try to make it sound disgusting, such as eating a sandwich or giving birth.

    • JesseS

      We are talking about two men, sticking a long, hard, object into a smooth creamy paste and stirring, lifting, and spreading that creamy substance all over another substance that is soft, pliable and welcome.

      We are talking about two men using their long, hard, object to spilt that creamy on soft combined substance into two roughly equal portions and then raising them, with their hands, to their mouths and taking big portions of them into their mouths, ever so delicately, and chewing softly.

      Now, if you’ll excuse me, me and my buddy are gonna go finish our peanut butter sandwiches and watch B-grade monster movies.

      • flyb

        Awesome.

      • onamission5

        I just ate but now I really want a sandwich.

        • Keane Sanders

          Are you sure that’s what you want?

          • flyb

            A man sandwich maybe?

            • allein

              Manwich?

              • flyb

                Mmm. Sloppy Joe(s).

  • Art_Vandelay

    We are talking about a woman using her mouth to stimilute the nipples,
    vulva, clitoris or vagina of another woman, or using her hand or other
    “toys” to simulate sexual intercourse.

    Yeah, if you need me, I’ll be over at redtube for the rest of the afternoon.

    • Art_Vandelay

      Okay…I’m good. What were we talking about again?

      • Esquilax

        Commendable commitment to the bit, sir.

      • Hat Stealer

        I’d tell you, but I worry you’d suffer a relapse.

      • C.L. Honeycutt

        *looks at first timestamp*

        *looks at second timestamp*

        *looks at first timestamp*

        *blinks*

    • killer3000ad

      I want the ending for the rest of that entry.

      • Christopher Borum

        Spoiler alert:

        It was happy.

    • busterggi

      Yeah, I rather enjoyed that part too.

    • Todd Heath

      fap fap fap fap fap
      Oh, sorry, should’ve finished before hitting reply!
      fap fap fap fap fap

  • onamission5

    Ah yes, the good old standby, Argument From Yucky.

    Because LGBT folk haven’t heard nearly enough from religious conservatives about how disgusting they think we are, and reducing a whole, broad group of people to a couple sex acts isn’t dehumanizing in the least.

    As if it needed to be said, all the acts he describes are done by straight people the world over, too.

    • Antinomian

      Only if they’re doing it right..

  • Tainda

    I did Groucho Marx eyebrows :D

    I don’t know what a “penus” is though. New toy? Count me in!

    Also, if you’re gagging, you’re not doing it right.

    • Psycho Gecko

      He really knows how to put the “u” on penis.

    • Oranje

      I remember it from that one song. “Buy me some penus and cra-cker jack…”

  • Psycho Gecko

    I wish he would stop trying to shove his beliefs down our
    throat. And now they’re writing boring descriptions of sex and just expect us
    to sit here and take it. They’re trying to arouse people’s passions in order to
    gag their critics, but instead they should learn to reach around the hate and
    embrace their fellow man. It’s hard, but with a little elbow grease they can
    stop forcing their beliefs on people and instead try to ease them into loving
    thy fellow man and all that stuff. It’s time to leave the taint of such hate
    behind and advance, proud, standing tall, and open to new experiences.

    • Spuddie

      LMAO! The laughter just comes in spurts but sometimes too soon.

      • Psycho Gecko

        It’s disgusting how they’re trying to give civil rights the shaft. If they don’t hold a poll and realize they’re on the wrong side of history, they may find themselves wiped away like so much Santorum.

        • Guest

          ^^^^^
          THIS. You have now earned my undying respect.

        • midnight rambler

          Hey, give them some credit – some are aware, but they’re standing firm and rock-hard on their principles. And even though it might make them lightning rods for criticism, they’re going to take it like a man, because being filled with the Holy Spirit brings ecstasy like none other.

          • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

            Goodnight everybody!

            /Wakko

        • Todd Heath

          The most “frothy” reply yet!

    • Matthew Baker
    • Joe ‘Pegleg’ Nelson

      Aaaaand…..there it is. Taint. I’ve seen them all now. I can go on with my day.

      • b s

        “Taint. I’ve seen them all now.”

        I bet there are a few out there you haven’t seen yet. I don’t recall anyone coming around to check mine.

    • James GIARDONO

      Pyscho Gecko. I could not agree with you more. That was a nice post. Thanks. Peace & Love Out. JIMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;0)”

  • flyb

    “Also, how does someone who thinks about penises, analingus, and stimulation this much manage to spell all those words wrong”

    It looks like the “penus” misspellings have been corrected in his piece already. But “stimilute” is still there. Anilingus is apparently a correct alternative spelling. Still, considering the rest of his article doesn’t have any glaring errors in it, it is odd this one little section had these problems. Copy pasta gone wrong on his part maybe?

    • Stev84

      Maybe he was too aroused to type properly. Or using only one hand.

      • flyb

        One-handid typng is not easi.

    • Oranje

      I hate it when a misspelling becomes common enough to be accepted. I mean, at least leave the root word in there.

      And don’t get me started on turning nouns into verbs and vice verse thanks to a limited vocabulary.

      *GRR*

      /editornerd

  • Regina Carol Moore

    All those things can by done by heterosexual couples, too. And I feel sorry for those Christian’s significant others.

    • Kaleidoscope Queen

      Seriously, the only way those descriptions would set off your gag reflex is if you only have sex in the missionary position with the lights off and a lot of guilty crying afterwards.

      • Tainda

        In other words, my ex husband lol

  • The Captain

    They just fundamentally don’t get it do they, a persons rights under the law have absomotherfuckinglutely nothing to do with how gross you think they are.

    • Psycho Gecko

      I know. This guy just wants to pound away at human rights from a new angle. Is that really the position he wants to be in when Jesus comes again and reminds him about turning the other cheek?

      • flyb

        Jesus, looking at his charts:

        “Thabiti An… Any… Naa… not gonna get into heaven anyway.”

      • The Captain

        He he.. you’re just full of them today!

  • A Reader

    But straight people do all the same things that gay people do. Even if 85% of straight people don’t do oral (yeah right) that still means 15% do, making it a more common heterosexual activity than if even 100% of gay people do it. Gay sex is just sex.

    • JET

      No, no, no. Heterosexual sex is always in the missionary position, with lights out and a flannel nightgown barely raised to hip level. Anything else is just… (gag)… I can’t even think about it…

      • midnight rambler

        The thing I remember most from reading the biography of Alfred Kinsey was some of the bizarre letters he got from people (heterosexual Americans in the 50′s) who were overly concerned with doing sex “properly”. One was from a woman who said “My husband likes to give me French kisses ‘down there’. I kind of like it, but I’m concerned that it might be unnatural. What should I do?”

      • Hat Stealer

        I know. Licking nipples or *gasp* masturbation?

        I’m practically throwing up already.

  • Spuddie

    I always get the impression the people who try to use this argument are really crying out for help in getting out of the closet.

    Bethany: Sex is a joke in heaven?

    Metatron: The way I understand it, it’s mostly a joke down here too

    • jferris

      Xtra points for the movie reference. I always thought Dogma was one of the best definitions of what religion SHOULD be (ideas, not beliefs). Bravo to you.

      • Spuddie

        Its one of my faves. The best film Kevin Smith made. Plus where else are you going to see Alan Rickman and Salma Hayek in the same movie?

  • Pisk_A_Dausen

    We need to find enough slash fanfic readers/writers to fill a conference room, and then invite this guy to hold a speech.

  • allein

    I have a pretty sensitive gag reflex. When I was a kid my orthodontist even had the word “gagger” written in bright red ink, underlined twice, on the top page of my chart. Reading this did not trigger that. Also, it generally takes some sort of physical cause to trigger it; “moral outrage” isn’t enough.

    Besides, other than the, um, male-organ grinding, I’m pretty sure most straight couples engage in at least a few of those activities on a regular basis.

    • allein

      Also, is he aware that the, uh, penus is also used to excrete waste?

  • arensb

    It’s almost as if these people think that marriage is nothing more than a divine prerequisite to having sex. So yeah, married couples have commitment and love and shared insurance plans and all that, but those are just details; the main thing is the hot, sweaty, almost guilt-free penis-in-vagina action.

    • trj

      Homophobes always focus on sexual acts when they discuss homosexuality. They’re unable to see past the sex.

  • Makoto

    In other words, his point is apparently that “Other people get it on in ways that I don’t! News at 11!”

    Really, I’d simply feel sorry for him, if that exact line of un-logic wasn’t used to fight against equality laws.

    • allein

      or… “Other people get it on in ways that and I don’t! News at 11!”

  • Gus

    We are talking about one man inserting the male organ used to create life into the part of another man used to excrete waste. We are talking about one man taking the penus of another man into his mouth, or engaging in penus-to-penus grinding.

    Um, he’s going to have to do a lot better than that if he wants to make people gag. I wonder if he also writes Christian romance novels, where the hot, steamy scenes read like this

    She took his male organ used to create life in her hands used for kneading dough to make bread in the kitchen where she belonged…

    No wonder there are more searches for gay porn in the Bible belt. The stuff they write for themselves just lacks all power to arouse or nauseate.

    We are talking about anilingus and other things I still cannot name or describe.

    Wow, now you’ve moved from horrible attempts to describe the penis as a magic religious artifact to a simple scientific term and you have to stop because you can’t name and describe any more…good luck making people gag with that.

  • Gus

    Thabiti Anyabwile discovered traveling with a rent boy in 3..2..1…

  • compl3x

    The good pastor seems to have 2 parts of his body used to excrete waste and no doubt one of them get used more than the other.

    • Mike Hitchcock

      Perfect!

    • suzeb1964

      3 actually: 1.His icky, dirty hole for solid waste 2. His penus for liquid waste and 3. His mouth for the shit that falls out of it.

    • Monika Jankun-Kelly

      This has always puzzled me. Butt sex is icky, but penises in vaginas are totes okay, despite the far more common use of the penis? (Vaginas, of course, are filthy dirty things that must be douched and not named nor discussed.)

  • Smiles

    “…the sexual behavior that is now becoming public law…”

    When the boys in pink come to your door, to throw your prudish ass in jail…you’ll know what you did wrong, you Hetro!

  • b33bl3br0x

    You know, anal really isn’t my thing but the thought of it doesn’t make me gag.

    Also,

    We are talking about a woman using her mouth to stimilute the nipples, vulva, clitoris or vagina of another woman, or using her hand or other
    “toys” to simulate sexual intercourse.

    I fail to understand why this should instill outrage in straight people. I do all of the above with my wife.

    • DavidMHart

      What, you and your wife use your mouths to ‘stimilute’ the nipples, vulva, clitoris or vagina of another woman? Don’t tell Anyabwile – I don’t think he’d approve of threesomes.

      Ba-doum ksh.

      Also, ‘stimilute’ is such a brilliant mis-spelling, I kind of wish it were a real word in its own right.

      • Tainda

        Someone needs to think of a definition of stimilute

        • Keane Sanders

          self-gratification by way of lute?

          • Tainda

            That would work. If you pluck it correctly, it vibrates.

            • McAtheist

              Stimi. From the Latin Stimare (to stimulate).

              Lute. From Luteal phase (the latter phase of the menstrual cycle)

              Similute. One who is sexually stimulated by menstruation.

              Best I can do on short notice

              • McAtheist

                Oops! Typo, should be,

                Stimilute.

                Where is the edit function?

                • allein

                  If you have a disqus account you can edit. It’s handy cuz I always catch that one stupid typo right after I hit the post button.

          • Antinomian

            One time at band camp…?

        • Oranje

          Stimilute sounds like a “male-enhancement” pill that would be hawked on syndicated radio.

    • LJ

      “We are talking about a woman using her… hand or other
      “toys” to simulate sexual intercourse.”
      And some women have fun solo… I wonder if that is gag inducing too. I wonder how many women he talks to have fun little toys in their nightstand.

  • Garret Shane Brown

    “We are talking about one man inserting the male organ used to create life into the part of another man used to excrete waste.”
    But it’s A-Okay if the male organ is going into the part of a woman used to excrete waste?

    “We are talking about a woman using her mouth to stimilute the nipples, vulva, clitoris or vagina of another woman, or using her hand or other “toys” to simulate sexual intercourse.”
    Lets be honest here, every male who read this was a little turned on.

    • nakedanthropologist

      Not just the men, darling.

    • Fred

      Nope. It read like stereo instructions. My libido has higher standards. Also knowing who it was written by is a turnoff as well.

      • Mario Strada

        There is a better than null chance that someplace in Japan there is a subculture turned on by stereo instruction based sex.

        • Spuddie

          …and they have made it disgusting to watch.

        • Fred

          Rule 36

    • http://timothy.green.name/ Timothy (TRiG)

      Given the context of the blog post, it’s rather strange that you’ve apparently forgotten that gay men exist.

      TRiG.

      • JohnnieCanuck

        I’m pretty sure it’s in the rules somewhere that gay men are allowed to enjoy thoughts of lesbian sex without having to turn in their rainbow licence.

        Just don’t fantasise about two or more women when you are getting it on with your partner; that’s over the line.

      • Garret Shane Brown

        How exactly have I forgotten that gay men exist?

        • http://timothy.green.name/ Timothy (TRiG)

          Every male who read this was a little turned on.

          No I fucking wasn’t. It’s a description of lesbian sex. Why the hell should it turn me on?

          (You’ve also apparently forgotten that asexual men exist, which is also a problem. And you’ve forgotten that not all straight/bi men have the same taste, and not all of them are turned on by lesbian stuff. But it’s really weird that you’d forgotten that gay men exist, given that this blog post is actually specifically about gay sex.)

          TRiG.

          • Garret Shane Brown

            It’s called a joke. It wasn’t meant to be taken literately. I’m sorry I assumed someone reading it was going to be somewhat intelligent.

      • http://www.secularview.com/ Dirty_Nerdy

        Also that gay women and bi women exist

  • Jeff

    Well I think mayonnaise and Axe body spray are disgusting. Let’s add those to the list of things to ban!

    • Mario Strada

      You are not supposed to mix them together.

      • cary_w

        Ok, now I finally actually gaged!

    • JET

      Axe… the middle school halls reek of this stuff. I agree with your banning.

  • sam

    I’d like to thank Rev. Shit-stain for helping me realize that when I find something aesthetically displeasing, it is my _moral sensibilities_ that are being provoked.
    I hope everyone will now join me in denying civil rights to those who find canned peas enjoyable. I sincerely find canned peas disgusting, and I hope we can all agree that those who like them should not be allowed to marry, or for that matter, exist.

    • RowanVT

      Also added to this list is eggplant in all forms, brussel sprouts, cooked spinach, frozen bananas and anything “bubblegum flavored”.

      • sam

        You obviously must be some kind of demon-possessed, perverted apostate. Eggplant and spinach are delicious. Repent, sinner!

        • RowanVT

          Raw spinach is a gift from the universe. Cooked spinach is green slime and an abomination!

          • http://gamesgirlsgods.blogspot.com/ Feminerd

            Don’t eat cooked spinach alone! Put a bit in a lasagna or shred it and put it in tomato sauces for pasta. Put it in a quesadilla and fry it up; it cooks just enough to get darker and soften a bit, but not get slimy. Blanch it then stir it into a butter sauce. There are so many options!

            • JET

              I love slimy spinach! Drenched in butter and salt so there’s no chance of it being even remotely healthy.

              • Tainda

                I just gagged.

                ROFL!

              • RowanVT

                Blech.

                If I’m going to eat something not even remotely healthy, it will be banana pancakes like my grandma makes them. You get the bananas pretty much over-ripe so they are extra sweet and mushy. Mix the slices bananas into the batter until the batter is about 66% banana. Heat pan and put in a metric crapload of butter so that the melted/bubbling butter actually pools on the bottom of the pan. Spoon batter/bananas into pan and effectively fry them in the butter.

                *drools*

                • http://gamesgirlsgods.blogspot.com/ Feminerd

                  Om nom nom that sounds delicious. I must try this!

                • RowanVT

                  Truly it is! I shared them with my coworkers once, and the next time I brought in a plate of them they zeroed in on me like a hunting pack!

                • auroramere

                  I cooked banana pancake-fritters once (I don’t cook much, so it was a big deal for us.) I used firm bananas but kept adding butter to the batter. Metric crapload of butter in the pan, yup, so they sort of deep fry! Drizzle with real maple syrup. Ecstasy.

                  If they hadn’t violently disagreed with me, I’d be making them for breakfast, lunch, and dessert every day.

          • Tainda

            I will join your crusade to ban cooked spinach!

          • Spuddie

            Koreans do good stuff with barely cooked spinach. Its insanely simple.
            http://koreanfood.about.com/od/sidedishesbanchan/r/sigumchinamul.htm

            It becomes a decent side dish that does not taste like boiled lawn clippings.

      • allein

        I am of the general opinion that, if it comes in the form of a leaf, it should not be cooked. Also, cauliflower should only be eaten raw, preferably dipped in honey-french dressing.

        • Mario Strada

          I love steamed cauliflower with a bit of olive oil and kosher salt. Like good cooked pasta, it needs to still be form and not mushy, just this side of crunchy.
          Therefore, I believe I should limit your civil rights is some way.

          • b s

            Roasted is better

          • allein

            You can take away my right to eat raw tomatoes.

        • Rob U

          Also, cauliflower should only be eaten raw

          Blasphemer! How doth one smother thy Holy Cheese Sauce and Sainted Bacon Crumble on thine foul cauliflower if thou dost not cook it first!

          • allein

            Cheese sauce is meant for broccoli.

            • Rob U

              Cheese sauce is meant for just about every food, but especially the ones that are unpalatable – like broccoli and cauliflower.

              Baked Potatoes are yucky to the extreme, but lather a pile of cheese sauce on it so you can’t taste any of that foul potato flavour at all and it becomes a delectable treat!

              • allein

                Baked potatoes get butter, and if available, gravy. Lots and lots of gravy (especially if my mother made it).

                • Rob U

                  Butter’s okay in a pinch on a potato, but it still tastes like a potato. Though I will give you the gravy, gotta love the gravy. Especially if you mash it all together!

                  And since we’re on the topic of gravy, next time you go to a Chinese restaurant that has a buffet get the Lemon Chicken but instead of putting the lemon sauce on it try the beef gravy, sounds weird but is so mmmm….

                • allein

                  My favorite meal is roasted chicken, mashed potatoes, and corn or peas (frozen, not canned), all mushed together and drowned in gravy. With crescent rolls. (A close second is roast beef.) And now I think I know what I’m having my mommy make for my birthday dinner.

                • Rob U

                  Damn, that sounds good!

                  I’m a prime rib guy myself, done English Style with the Yorkshire pudding on top, with mashed taters smothered in gravy and a big pile of asparagus and carrots sauteed in butter and garlic.

                  Or a nice medium ribeye steak served with a 2 pound lobster – if its fresh enough I don’t even need the butter! – and a side of garlic mashed taters with corn on the cob and a cesar salad mixed with spicy thai shrimp.

                  Something chocolate for desert, extra points if there’s multiple types of chocolate in it – think the super mega chocolate ultimate extreme blizzard at the DQ.

                • allein

                  I like a good steak, too. Asparagus and seafood…not so much… Chocolate? Yes, please!

        • http://gamesgirlsgods.blogspot.com/ Feminerd

          Cauliflower is good in stir fry. You just have to chop it fairly small so it cooks all the way through.

      • Rob U

        Brussel sprouts taste really good if you fry them up in butter, garlic, and a bit of bacon fat! I like to Wok them, that way as you stir them around some of them are practically deep frying at the bottom.

        Serve them a steak and the side of bacon you had to cook up to get the bacon fat to fry the brussel sprouts in. Good stuff!

    • allein

      Canned peas are blasphemy.

    • JET

      Melons… any melons at all, but particularly watermelons, literally make me gag. I can’t even handle melon-flavored candy. Everyone should stop eating melons so I don’t have to think about them. I’m offended by melons even being allowed in my grocery store.

      • Mario Strada

        See, I love cantaloupes but hate watermelons. Which group do I join? More importantly, who do I hate now?

        • sam

          Look, you guys, the important thing to remember here is that everyone needs to like exactly the same things I like and dislike everything that I dislike, in _exactly_ the same proportions. Else I will have to excommunicate everyone from the Church of Me. It’s all about ME; I wear a collar!

        • Monika Jankun-Kelly

          There can be no melon relativism! You are either for or against melons! Your best bet is to loudly and publicly denounce ALL melons and those sick perverse melon eaters, while secretly enjoying cantaloupe at home behind locked doors. Shred your grocery receipts, just to be safe.

          • allein

            I will take all the cantaloupe. I will build a melon shrine.

            • cary_w

              It’s already been done, check out my reply to JET. ;-)

        • Ingersollman

          And don’t leave out the honeydew!

      • cary_w

        BLASPHEMER!!!!! How dare you speak of watermelon that way! You are going to hell for sure now! Watermelon is the food of the Gods and should be worshiped accordingly! As you can see in this gorgeous shrine to the mighty watermelon! Lightning has never struck this watermelon, so God must approve!!!

      • Ingersollman

        I love my wife’s melons.

    • Monika Jankun-Kelly

      As if canned peas weren’t disgusting (and thus EEEEBIL) enough, think about feeding canned peas to children! The horror! The moral outrage! I won’t even talk about escargot, to protect our delicate and totally moral and not aesthetic sensibilities.

      • Crackerjack Smack

        Excuse me! When did conversation go from gay sex to food?

        • Rob U

          The topic is about things that make us gag. Since the gay sex acts described by the Santorum obsessed Pastor don’t really do the trick we’ve turned to stuff that most people do have a visceral gag reaction to – food.

          Personally I can’t stand Cabbage Rolls, even just the smell of them makes me want to hurl chunks! Just. Can’t. Do. It.

          Descriptions of Gay Sex(tm) however, not so much. I just pretend they’re talking about the person this straight guy isn’t afraid to admit he’s attracted to.

          • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

            Tofu. Tofu makes me gag.

            • Spuddie

              It works best in miso soup or hot and sour soup.

  • ungullible

    I guaran-damn-tee you that his gag reflex for lesbian sex is significantly weaker than his gag reflex for gay sex. If they were equally abhorrent and the gag reflex was truly inherent, then they should be the same. But it’s not the same, because it’s a learned reaction, not an inherent one. And so, like all bigotry, it can and should be unlearned.

  • Michaela Samuels

    When I got pregnant at 17, I was asked to stand in front of my church congregation and ask for forgiveness because my sin hurt the entire church and, as my youth pastor put it, “we needed to deal with the elephant in the room.”

    They did truly try to do what they thought was right and good. This is, and has always been, the worst facet of such belief. They fail to see how horribly wrong, inappropriate, and un-Christlike these behaviors are.

    I guess it’s a surprise to no one on this site that I am not associated with anything remotely close to that doctrine anymore.

    • http://gamesgirlsgods.blogspot.com/ Feminerd

      Let me guess. The boy/man who was also intimately involved in making that pregnancy happen didn’t have to stand in front of the whole church and be slut-shamed?

      • Michaela Samuels

        Certainly not. He didn’t have a baby in his belly! *eye roll*

        • http://gamesgirlsgods.blogspot.com/ Feminerd

          Figures! That sucks that happened to you, though. Welcome to the dark side (whether that’s atheism, agnosticism, general spirituality, or liberal religion)!

          • Michaela Samuels

            The dark side always suited me better anyway (I was, after all, the good little Christian girl who went out and got pregnant at 17). ; )

            • Judas the carry cot

              OMG! But that’s the pot calling the kettle black! Wasn’t Mary virginal and teenaged…? What a bunch of wankers they are/were to you. You are due respect and the shame is theirs. Raise your child to think! Good luck. X

              • http://parkandbark.wordpress.com/ Houndentenor

                Yes, except unlike Mary Michaela DID know who the father of her baby was! (stole that from Whoopi Goldberg’s one woman Broadway show from the 80s)

              • Michaela Samuels

                He starts kindergarten on Monday. I think he’s turning out phenomenally thus far. ; )

                • Octarin

                  Good luck with your little angel hun. I guess you’ve figured out by now that “God”, whatever that is, REWARDED you with the most beautiful creature in the world. If you haven’t, go take a look at your tyke when he’s asleep :) There’s no sin anywhere in you or him. The sin lies with the hypocrites and pharisees who dared to pass judgment in the name of so-called “religious morality’. There’s no such thing. Morality is a personal issue. Enjoy your baby, and enjoy yourself. Be blessed.

            • Agrajag

              All the fun folks are in hell anyway.

    • Tainda

      I read that with my mouth open! That’s horrible!

    • JET

      That was truly disgusting behavior on their part no matter what “they thought was right and good.” Glad you got yourself out of that hell-hole.

    • Bitter Lizard

      Thanks for sharing. There’s no way they didn’t realize that would be painful and humiliating for you–in fact, I’m pretty sure that was the point. What they did was bad and they should be made to feel bad.

      • Michaela Samuels

        I am actually blown away by the support from you all. I know I disagree with how I was treated and have processed those feelings many years ago, but I just did not realize so many people would be so strongly opposed to it. Faith in humanity, huzzah!

    • James GIARDONO

      Michaela. Good for you. That took a lot of courage you should be commended not condemned. I do not like any or all forms of organized religion. Who do they think they are special just a bunch of fakes. Peace & Love Out. JIMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;0)”

      • Michaela Samuels

        There were many who passionately cared for me IF I aligned myself with them. They even threw me a baby shower. I was young, confused, ashamed, and scared. As I grew older, I started to understand the dynamic created – if I obeyed what they said, they’d treat me nicely. It was emotionally difficult to pull myself away from what I thought was my only support network, but incredibly liberating to realize I did not need to submit to others to be accepted.

    • http://parkandbark.wordpress.com/ Houndentenor

      Yes, how horrible for your church that you were 17 and pregnant. What a difficult thing for THEM to have to deal with. Good for you for realizing what sociopathic assholes made up your church at the time.

  • GCBill

    Reminds me of the Ugandan anti-gay coalition from a few years back…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KxpZYSTP9-4

    • http://www.travismamone.net/ Travis Mamone

      Eat dah pooh-pooh!

  • suzeb1964

    OK, this pastor is focusing way too much on gay sex and “gagging”…Bit of a forced fellatio fantasy happening here? It’s a case of “Methinks the man doth protest too much.”
    By the way, if the sex is dirty, you know you’re doing it right.

    • flyb

      “if the sex is dirty, you know you’re doing it right”

      Will you marry spank me?

  • Liam

    The ick factor? The ick factor being represented as an UNTAPPED resource by an equality opponent? The ick factor is the only reason equality is an issue. I’d wager that leveraging the ick factor as applied to gay people is actually slowing the decline of the church.

    Here’s a tip: Everyone who has made the decision to support equality has either pushed past their personal ick reaction or never had one in the first place. I can’t imagine there exists an adult who, upon confronted with this, would say “I never thought of it that way!”

  • Steve UK

    Why are American pastors so thick ? Dident they lern too spel? (!) Yes, it’s my English sarcasm again, hope I haven’t offended my American atheist friends.

    • RowanVT

      Amusingly enough, the worst abuses of spelling and grammar I have ever seen are on a UK-based reptile forum. It can be exceptionally painful to attempt to wade through their posts.

    • http://gloomcookie613.tumblr.com GloomCookie613

      Learning to spell and construct a sentence are things learned at Satan’s school. A good, gawd-afearin’ person knows Jesus trumps spelling. Duuuuh!

    • midnight rambler

      You haven’t got the pastor-speak down; it’s “athiest”.

      • UWIR

        athiestic

    • Donatello

      You have been brainwashed into using the wrong spelling by the satanic public school system. Real Christians like our good pastor here spell these evil words the way God intended them to be spelled.

  • newenglandbob

    Apparently this pastor has never gotten beyond the mental age of 7.

    Cooties!!! Poo poo!!! No, you are!!!

  • tyler

    isn’t this the same strategy they use for abortion? i might not complain too much if this policy leads them to start plastering hardcore gay porn on billboards

  • Fred

    Mommy, what’s a penus?

    • Pisk_A_Dausen

      Well, when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much…

      … wait, wrong speech. Hold on.

      *flips through parent handbook*

      Hmm…

      *checks dictionary*

      No idea, junior. I guess we’ll have to wait for the updated version of one of these.

    • Mario Strada

      The singular of “penis” except that penis is already singular.
      Somebody that remembers more latin than I do could chime in with the latin conjugations. It may mean something like “From the penis” “or “to the penis” or even “belonging to the penis”. As I said, latin classes were a long time ago. But apparently he never had any.

      • midnight rambler

        Without looking it up, I’m going to bet that “penis” is derived from Greek since it ends in -is; the Latin word is “phallus”.

        • Mario Strada

          Of course it is. That’s what I get for ‘drive by’ commenting.

        • Meg Sampson

          Can we just agree on “Carpe Penae” as
          ‘Seize the Penis”?

          • C.L. Honeycutt

            Not “Penis the Fish”?

        • Ilaria

          Pretty sure penis is latin too. Probably “phallus” was the more common word, while “penis” was more… let’s say technical :D
          Anyway… penis is third declination, so it has no form with a desinence in “…us”. That would be second or fourth declination :)

    • Donatello

      The thing those icky gays stick in their anis, dear child. Now go wash out your mouth.

  • more compost

    I find it ironic and amusing that these men who are against equality are always thinking about gay sex. Why are they thinking about it so much? Is there an extra closet in their houses?

    • trj

      To be fair, they’re thinking a lot about all kinds of sex they don’t have themselves.

  • Philbert

    Doesn’t top the screeching “EAT DA POO POO!” guy from Uganda

  • b s

    “We are talking about a woman using her mouth to stimilute the nipples,
    vulva, clitoris or vagina of another woman, or using her hand or other
    “toys” to simulate sexual intercourse.”

    No, just reading about it isn’t turning me off. Maybe if someone, somewhere were to make a movie showing these things?

    • Tainda

      I’m more of a hands-on type of person. Think they would accommodate me?

      • b s

        If they don’t, I could.

    • Mario Strada

      Yes, I think the good pastor may want to invite a few female sinners on stage to show how disgusting it really is. I’ll volunteer to debase myself and join in on the fun perversion.

  • http://pandarogue.blogspot.com/ KevinKat

    Gawd, Christian sex is boring.

  • LJ

    “Warning: Obscene descriptions follow…. ”

    Hello, you must be new to the internet. Let me take you for a tour. *rubs hands together and laughs evilly*

    On another note, how do straight (church going, pious, prudish) people reproduce if they find sex to be so disgusting? Seriously, a goodly portion of these activities are done by straight folks. These poor sods must never do anything fun in bed. Sex is a task that must be done for God and country and nothing more. “If your enjoying it, your going to hell!”

  • Mario Strada

    The good pastor may be able to get somewhere with the description of male to male sex, but if he is trying to gross out Red Blooded American Males© with is description of Lesbian sex, he is not going to be very successful.

    Not to mention, I can think of very gross hetero sex as well. Do we really want to go there?

  • Santiago Brin

    hmmmmmm, I find hetero sex kinda gross, yet I don’t think I’ll stop supporting heterosexual rights.

  • Sven2547

    Following the proud playground intellectual tradition of “So-and-so has COOTIES!!”

  • NG

    There’s a huge section of romance novels now that’s nothing but guy on guy for women readers. Not my cup of tea, but that’s just not going to gross out some women. They’ll be focused on the guy on guy while the men are dreaming of the woman on woman descriptions.

    • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

      Not to mention yaoi….

  • Bitter Lizard

    Everyone knows that anti-gay activists are generally just dealing with their own repressed homosexuality. My guess is some of them just got caught writing this stuff to each other anyway and they needed to come up with an excuse.

  • Shivaji

    Somehow copious amounts of fan fiction has had the opposite effect for me.

  • http://www.travismamone.net/ Travis Mamone

    That’s funny, whenever someone describes gay sex to me, I get horny!

  • Tim

    Hold on a second…you mean THAT’S what gay people do?! I had no idea! I’m so grossed ou…..no not really.

    • Tim

      Also, he really shouldn’t describe lesbian sex to a bunch of dudes if he wants to gross them out. He’s just getting a whole chunk of people all randy!

      • Spuddie

        I can see the flock saying, “Oh please Pastor, describe lesbian sex”

      • midnight rambler

        He could start by describing it to a bunch of teenagers and see how well that works. Gotta catch them young, after all.

  • Todd

    The first thing that comes to mind is this: http://youtu.be/ptPOfc0nNJU (forgive the poor quality).

    I’ll just never understand why religious nutjobs are more obsessed with gay sex than gay people are.

  • viaten

    And if his words don’t do the trick, I don’t want to think what he might try next.

    • Bitter Lizard

      “Hey–I have an idea: let’s all just have gay sex with strangers so they can see how gross it feels!”

  • JT Rager

    I’ll be in my bunk

  • http://atheistlutheran.blogspot.com/ MargueriteF

    They have apparently not realized how many people (straight as well as gay) read slash fanfic or m/m erotic romance and fail to gag, and in fact actively seek out more. I get the feeling this guy doesn’t get out much if he thinks a description of gay sex is going to shock most of us.

    • NeaDods

      I was waiting for someone to mention slash fans!

    • tsara

      Also ace people. There are ace people who read slashfic, too.

  • Conuly

    I did vomit a little due to the complete inability to spell the word “penis”, does that count?

    • Brian Westley

      It’s kind of unfortunate, because otherwise he could summarize his strategy as “The pen is mightier than the penis”.

  • Meg Sampson

    I’m still tripping over the linked article’s statement (former) President Clinton passed the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” act TEN years ago. I wonder if Pres. Bush was on vacation at the time.

    • http://www.secularview.com/ Dirty_Nerdy

      Clinton was between Bushes…take that however you want

  • observer

    That’s not “moral outrage” that’s just a side effect of your heterosexuality.

    I mean really, the definition of sexual orientation, excluding bisexuality and asexuality, is that you have attraction to ONE gender, so you aren’t attracted to the other gender. So of course, if the other gender you don’t have an attraction to has sex, you probably will be disgusted.

    • b s

      Except “not having an attraction to” is not the same thing as “being disgusted by”

  • Lauryn

    His description of gay sex= still a better love story than Twilight.

    • Tainda

      WINNAH!

    • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

      To be fair, watching flies fuck is better than Twilight, so it’s a really low bar.

      • Tainda

        Even better!!

  • flyb

    This has turned into quite an epic thread… and without any trolls!

    • Anna

      I was actually looking forward to some of them commenting, but maybe they realize there’s nothing they can say without embarrassing themselves, LOL.

      • flyb

        Me too. But then I was thinking maybe all the trolls came on here under different names to join in the fun. I mean, who can turn down a good online sex party?

  • Raising_Rlyeh

    “We are talking about anilingus and other things I still cannot name or describe.”

    Well clearly he has not been spending time around the internet. Also, why does he ignore the fact that straight people do oral and anal all the time? I know it doesn’t support his narrative, but still. I wonder how many tissues he went through during his research of man on man and woman on woman sex.

  • Martinrc

    First description, meh, not gagging, seems perfectly normal for a male interested in other males. The main concern is they both enjoy it. The second description, man sign me up for more!!!! I am a heterosexual male, but that second part about women really just had me wanting him to not stop talking about the homosexual acts!!!!

  • mandapannts

    Wait… This fundie thinks the reason the LGBT community is gaining so much leverage so fast is because we all forgot how to use our gag reflex?
    There’s a REALLY funny joke in here somewhere, I just haven’t found it yet.

  • Hat Stealer

    I like how he can’t even bring himself to say “insert penis into anus.”

    And apparently licking nipples is now yet another way to put yourself on the fiery fiery path to Satan-y doom.

    • midnight rambler

      He has to say it as “insert penus into anis”.

  • David McNerney

    This is the most irresponsible thing I have ever seen.

    What if a dyslexic person were to read this, or even someone reading a little too fast. They might end up being repulsed by heterosexual sex and be turned gay.

    • C.L. Honeycutt

      Or a grammarian could read it and end up being repulsed by Thabiti Anyabwile’s writing! My GOD.

  • Monika Jankun-Kelly

    I think it’s icky, therefore it’s WRONG and should be legislated against!

    There was a psych study about the foundations of ethics, and how they differ between liberals and conservatives. Liberals care far more about fairness, harm, and compassion than other factors. Conservatives claim to care about those things, but also place equal value on authority (obey the clergy, follow tradition), loyalty (my tribe good, yours bad), and purity (“ewwww icky!”). Liberals are comfortable with the new, the complex, the nuanced. Conservatives don’t like change and want things black and white.

    [edit: Found it! Johnathan Haidt]
    http://www.ted.com/talks/jonathan_haidt_on_the_moral_mind.html

    I can’t recall the names of the authors of this model! Someone with better memory help me out, please? There was a TED talk by the same folks too. They seemed optimistic that mutual understanding could be reached and that both mindsets are needed. I am less optimistic and could really do without the likes of Bill O’Reilly, the AFA, and governors Perry and Bryant, but it’s good to at least understand why they do what they do.

    • allein

      Was it Altemeyer?

      • Monika Jankun-Kelly

        I just found it again, was Johnathan Haidt. I will take a look at Altemeyer though. That work on authoritarianism seems relevant and related, so thanks!

        • allein

          I’ll have to look up Haidt. I have Altemeyer on my nook but I haven’t gotten around to reading it yet.

  • indorri

    Well there is one thing I’m definitely disgusted about after reading that article.

  • Ralph Horque

    Yawn.

  • Brian

    Funny, i have the same reflex when im told that Christians “eat the body of Christ.” Cannibalism is pretty gross too.

  • Jonas Green

    “if more people were gagging on the reality of the sexual behavior” —
    — So if we spread the idea Rough Porn sex is the norm, we’ll solve the problem of Teen Pregnancy — Cause you know it’s icky..

  • A3Kr0n

    penus-to-penus grinding?

    • Bitter Lizard

      Maybe he was trying to spell “penguins”.

      • A3Kr0n

        OK, now that makes sense :-)

        • Bitter Lizard

          I just clicked on the link to the original post and he appears to have fixed “penis”, but not “stimilute” or “anilingus”.

  • SeekerLancer

    “Hey, did you know gays have gay sex?”

    No, I had no idea! I’m totally a homophobe now.

    Just last week somebody asked me if I knew who this Jesus fellow was and informed me how to become saved and I totally never heard any of that before either.

    I live under a rock and get all my information from preachers.

    Back to reality: Straight couples do most of the things he described except for the ones that they anatomically cannot (though I don’t know what a “penus” is).

    • lynnnoe

      It’s a combined word – penis + nuts – meant to include all of the male genitals.

  • Verimius

    Somehow these homomisiacs never seem to condemn heterosexual anal and oral sex, images of which abound on the internet.

    Meanwhile, I’ll bet some of his audience is quietly getting turned on by the good pastor’s graphic descriptions.

    • Carpinions

      Why should they when teh gay will bring about the demise of the universe!

    • midnight rambler

      Somehow these homomisiacs never seem to condemn heterosexual anal and oral sex

      FWIW, Ken “Cooch” Cuccinelli, attorney general and candidate for governor in Virginia (I’ll let you guess which party) does. He’s continuing to push the state’s anti-sodomy law as being Constitutional because it bans oral sex between married heterosexual couples as well as everybody else.

  • SansDeus

    If he’s married I feel bad for his wife. Especially if he’s not down with a lot of that fun time foreplay.

    To be honest that’s the first time I’ve seen that particular spelling of penis.
    Though it would be funny to make a meme of a gay couple saying “You can’t spell penus, without us.”

    • Mitch

      His idea of a wild night probably doesn’t consist of much more than “straight to missionary, no foreplay. Afterward, no kissing or cuddling.”

      • Geoffrey Howe

        And if a sperm is wasted, god gets quite irate.

  • Carpinions

    I will never understand the kind of psyche required to think stuff like this. It is unfailingly childish, troglodytic, petty, distrustful, easily perturbed, wields disgust with the trigger half pulled at all times, and is akin to Chicken Little using slippery slope arguments.

    “…that is now becoming public law, protected, and even promoted in public schools.”

    Huh. Little did I know as a supporter of the LGBTQ community that my endorsement equates enforcing gay sex as part of law, let alone as fodder for “gay recruiting” in the halls of public education.

    That this idiot thinks this “tactic” will work says a lot about how stupid this person is. All those sexual acts described can be performed in by a man and a woman, and heterosexual people have most assuredly gagged when a man or woman did it, soooo maybe he should try it before he knocks it, and shove his arguments into the part of his own body used to excrete waste. Since anti-LGBTQ morons are so fixated with male anal sex, perhaps they should take up their god’s “perfect” human design with “Him”. Neil de Grasse Tyson said it best when he said if he were god, he wouldn’t have put the waste and reproductive systems in the same place.

    If there could be any further proof the LGBTQ crowd has lost, this is it. They’re reduced to trying to disgust people out of gay/lesbian support when the radio waves are full of songs featuring male and female pop stars rapping about all the dirty sex acts they’re going to do to each other. Lotsa luck, chumps.

  • Bdole

    Straight people do sodomy, too.
    Does he know that there’s a whole genre of lit. devoted to (much better) descriptions of sex of ALL kinds?
    This guy’s lost in the woods with paddles.

  • McAtheist

    He is taking his mission seriously, obviously researching all permutations of gay sex with the goal of explaining in detail the specific acts so we can see how ‘icky’ they are and not catch teh gay.

    Now he has a legitimate reason to write about gay sex, a legit reason to visit gay web sites, maybe even post a profile so he can meet people and explain one-on-one, and in detail, exactly what the various sex acts are, and presumably how to do them. He can continue his research by delving into BDSM, CBT, TV/TS, toys, strap-ons, butt plugs, gags and collars. If he is seen with a rent boy it’s all about research, he’s probably explaining to him how perverted he is, loving the sinner, not the sin.

    So, at the end of the day, he has ultimate deniability if/when someone finds him trolling gay websites & bb’s, posting profiles and hanging out with gay hookers. No fall from grace for this guy, he is way smarter than the average closeted, gay obsessed, fundie preacher.

  • Glasofruix

    I’m pretty sure gay people know already about the whole sex thing, he’s the only one who missed the memo….

  • Joe Di Lellio

    This might work better if there wasn’t such a market for F/F & M/M porn.

  • CanadianNihilist

    My first thoughts as I read this was as follows:

    -I’m an man who inserting the male organ used to create life into the part of a
    woman used to excrete waste, when she lets me ;)

    -A woman takes the penis of myself, a man, into her mouth

    -As a male I use my mouth to stimulate the nipples, vulva, clitoris or
    vagina of another woman, or using my hand or other “toys” to simulate
    sexual intercourse.

    Where Does the sense of moral outrage come in? cause I’ve got a dirtier longer list than that.

    I guess gods cool with it though because it’s heterosexual. Although if Thabiti Anyabwile really wants to learn what causes a worthwhile gag reflex I could tell him some things I do that would make Marry Magdalen blush.

    Ha ha, hooker reference!

  • CrudOMatic

    As a good friend VoxNeruda once taught me:

    THE PLURAL OF PENIS IS PENES!
    THE PLURAL OF PENIS IS PENES!!
    THE PLURAL OF PENIS IS PENES!!!

    • MD

      Yes it is, at least in Spanish.

      • http://shitmytoiletsays.blogspot.com/ Crud O’Matic

        penis (ˈpiːnɪs)

        — n , pl -nises , -nes

        the male organ of copulation in higher vertebrates, also used for urine excretion in many mammals.

        - World English Dictionary

  • Brandie Lynn Winchester

    Did any one else feel like he took those descriptions out of an erotic novel. Kind a turned me on lol

    • C.L. Honeycutt

      Definitely not a novel. Erotic RP at best.

  • Mitch

    If the pastor gig doesn’t work out for him in the long term, maybe Anyabwile could get into writing erotic novels.

  • ShoeUnited

    I am disgusted by the fact that this fan fiction is of such substandard quality and got published here. Someone tell the original author of the “penus” brigade that they’re going to have to work a lot harder to make the sex scenes more believable. This is clearly some teenage (or pre-teen) virgin writing about a topic they never experienced.

  • Ibis3

    Hmm. I don’t think that hot tingly feeling is called moral outrage.

  • closetatheist

    do these people really fail to realize that hetero couples engage in many of these same things? Toys, nipple stimulation, anal… but its only magically gross if the participants have matching genitals?

  • Mary Leinart

    Someone needs to tell these people about the vast majority of fanfiction (although the Harry/Snape stuff does make me gag a bit). Also, “lesbian” porn.

  • C.L. Honeycutt

    Right, because obviously all the graphic television shows about surgery, necessary or elective, are reducing the number of people willing to undergo surgery.

    I asked the other day if there was such a thing as a sexual fetish for making other people not have sex. Silly question in retrospect.

    • Geoffrey Howe

      Of course it’s a silly question. The answer to “Is there a fetish for…” is always yes. No matter what the rest of the sentence is. The only possible exceptions are logical contradiction, like can god make a penis so big he can’t deep-throat it or something.

      • C.L. Honeycutt

        *blushes* I… I sort of have this… thing for logical contradictions…

  • Darrell Ross

    I find it awkward whenever I see a description about all the things gay men might do together. Heterosexual couples can do everything except the penis-on-penis bit.

    How come they think that anal sex just doesn’t exist outside of gay male unions?

    Puritan fail.

  • http://avoiceinthewilderness-mcc1789.blogspot.com/ Michael

    Even if someone found some sex acts unappealing, that isn’t a sound argument against anything of course. They wouldn’t accept “Ew, Christianity” after all.

  • hurdur

    most importantly …. he forgets that at least half his audience bats off to lesbian porn.

  • Robster

    10% 0f his congregation will get a woody…

  • Latebloomer

    One pastor in Uganda, Martin Ssempa, who was involved with promoting the kill-the-gays bill, took it a step further and showed hardcore gay porn in meetings and at church events, even with MINORS PRESENT, for the same reason. http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=euXQbZDwV0w&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DeuXQbZDwV0w

  • EllieMurasaki

    I’d just like to observe that the penis is used to excrete waste rather more often than it’s used to fertilize an egg.

    • Bitter Lizard

      To be fair, regarding the pastor’s own parentage I don’t think those were two separate things.

  • Anathema

    I did feel kind of disgusted and outraged when I read Pastor Thabiti Anyabwile’s description of gay sex. Seriously, that description is an absolutely atrocious piece of writing. I don’t know what the English language ever did to deserve this sort of abuse.

  • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

    Ermm… nope. I’m gagging, all right, but I’m gagging at his hate.

  • EvolutionKills

    Once again if the ‘icky factor’ is the major determinant on who gets equal protection under the law, then why isn’t there throngs of Christians protesting the marriage equality of those who practice BDSM? Or bestiality? Or incest?

  • Tel

    Lesbian here. Describing straight sex to me turned me gay, I’m sure of it.

    • C.L. Honeycutt

      I wish I had a recording of this would-be nurse I knew in college explaining to her friend how lesbians MUST have had sex with men, because otherwise how would they know they didn’t like it?

      I was laughing too hard at the overall conversation to ask her about the lesbian experiences she had just implicitly said she’d had.

  • Jim Tarvin

    His spelling is so bad because he was typing one handed……

  • Dal Bryn

    How many pastors do you think would be getting a boner as they describe gay sex to their congregations? They should probably stay firmly behind the pulpit during this reading.

  • Oranje

    I wonder if he has a side business selling sheets with holes in them.

    Honestly, gay and straight couples do all of these things. Grow up.

    No one tell him about David Bowie, okay?

  • Commenting

    Nice spin on Thabiti’s article.

    It is kinda shady though to misquote (“penus” was correctly spelled “penis” each time in the O.P.) him to bolster a straw man (not to mention analingus is alternately spelled, correctly I might add, anilingus) just because he actually misspelled “stimilute”. Poor form my friend; your post would have been more persuasive without it.

    • Ibis3

      Actually, the spelling was corrected *after* Hemant wrote this post.

    • http://www.secularview.com/ Dirty_Nerdy

      Are you implying that the pastor’s post is actually persuasive at all? I mean, you could’ve defended anything in the pastor’s article, but the only thing you were able to do is point out that his spelling isn’t ass terrible as we all thought. Good job.

  • Katarn

    Most amazing thing about these comments is after 259 comments and I don’t see one with a down vote. hmm, have I set myself up?

  • http://parkandbark.wordpress.com/ Houndentenor

    Does he really think that heterosexuals don’t engage in and enjoy oral sex? (And sometimes anal too) Okay they aren’t doing the same-sex version, but it’s not nearly as shocking as he likes to convince himself that it is. People often ask why polling for gay rights and gay marriage have moved so far so fast. This guy and people like him are the main reason. The anti-gay arguments are just too absurd to be taken seriously by someone who isn’t a seriously hard-core bigot (or self-loathing closeted homosexual *cough*).

    • Liya

      Excellent point! For the same reason so many moderate republicans voted against the party in the last presidential election- radical right wing cooks that are nothing but reactionary are spooking people away.
      People like that “pastor” ought to be laughed at and exposed

  • Helena_Handbasket

    It looks like the pastor has given this a lot of thought…
    late at night…
    while doing that thing he shouldn’t do because it might make him blind

  • Lea Tapp

    Nobody tell him that straights do all sorts of these lovely…I mean unmentionable things to each other too. I fear he may swoon.

  • Gabriel

    Penus

  • Harley Quinn

    How is this any more or less disgusting than a penus going into a vagina or into the part of a woman that’s used to excrete waste? Or a woman taking the penus of a man into her mouth?

  • Beet LeRace

    HAHAHAHA… ‘penus’.

    This guy must be miserable as hell. I bet he does his research EEEVERY night, and is using this argument to distance himself from the shame he feels for enjoying it. Poor dude.

  • Michael David

    I’m a quadriplegic and a finger up my arse is the only I can do to empty my system. (Google bowel program.) Strange, neither my male nor female caregivers go “yuck”!

  • Stacia R

    Does he not realize that there are millions of STRAIGHT couples that do all of these “icky, gross things” too? I mean, he seems so fascinated and focused on them…

  • Octarin

    Dude. At least try to learn some proper English before coining new and fabulous literary creations. Also, in case you haven’t really noticed, lesbian sex is the secret fantasy of the ENTIRE male world population. You’re so out of luck there….

  • Christian Cardona Robin Ferenz

    So from this I take it that no straight man has ever had a bj or asked his wife or girlfriend for anal sex, and no straight woman has had oral sex performed on her by her husband or boyfriend. I could care less what anyone else does in their bedroom, just as I’m sure no one cares what my husband and I do in ours. And if men are to only “use their tool” to reproduce then no straight man should have sex with his wife/girlfriend unless he’s trying to impregnate her. People need to grow up and mind their own business.

  • Harry Underwood

    They eat da poo poo! DEEE-PAAAA!

  • David_LloydJones

    Surely everybody’s first question is going to be How does this guy know so much about gay sex?

    -dlj.

  • http://www.secularview.com/ Dirty_Nerdy

    Anybody else think his description actually sounded kind of hot (if not a little bit ignorant)??

  • John

    In my personal opinion, there should not even be something called “gay”. God created man and woman the way they are for obvious reasons. Why would someone want to put their penis in someone elses place of “exit only”?

    • Anna

      What a ridiculous comment. This is an atheist blog. We don’t believe in any gods, and if don’t like the idea of anal sex, no one’s forcing you to think about it. You do know that the vast majority of people who have anal sex are heterosexual couples, right? How come it’s only a problem when you think about gay men doing it? And why are you so obsessed with what other people do in bed, anyway?

  • Gnarslogge

    *sigh* there is NOTHING wrong with gays. Leave them be.


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