Church Shaped Like a Flaccid Penis Adds a Fig Leaf…

Earlier today, Terry Firma posted about the new Christian Science church in Dixon, Illinois. The church takes on a rather unfortunate shape when viewed from above…

It now appears that the church staff has caught on to what everyone’s laughing about.

On Facebook, they indicated that they were onto the joke and that a giant fig leaf (a la Adam in the Garden of Eden) would be coming, whatever that meant…

And now the church’s Facebook cover photo features that aforementioned fig leaf:

Well played, giant phallic church. Well played.

(Thanks to flyb for the link!)

About Hemant Mehta

Hemant Mehta is the editor of Friendly Atheist, appears on the Atheist Voice channel on YouTube, and co-hosts the uniquely-named Friendly Atheist Podcast. You can read much more about him here.

  • islandbrewer

    I have to give them an upvote for that.

  • Robster

    You’d think that the ol’ god would’ve noticed that this particular piece of his real estate looks a bit suss, but no. Strange that, given this is the view god would get.

  • Terry Firma

    Two balls thumbs up!

  • Lagerbaer

    Can they please, please, please add a fountain? You know where to put it!

    • midnight rambler

      Someone in another article said “I can’t wait to see an aerial view of a wedding party dressed all in white coming out of it!” Looks like they’ve got at least one door in just the right place for that.

      • Rationalist1

        Unfortunately Christian Scientists don’t do weddings in their church. Odd but true.

    • Felis Leo

      There is another place with such a fountain. Go to Dubai, Palm Island and see the uterus, penis and fountain together.

  • Gitte

    Their obsession with sex has subconsciouly manifest itself in the form of a building they all have to enter and care for :)

    • Emmet

      Who’s got the obsession with sex? The people who built the church or the people blogging about it and making dick jokes?

      • C.L. Honeycutt

        Christianity-based sexual repression and obsession are well established. Deal with it.

        If you think sharing a chuckle is “obsession”, it’s no wonder you keep losing in debate: English is not a language in which you are fluent.

        • Emmet

          Did you find anything to back up your comment that cardinals kill popes they don’t agree with? No? You lost that one then.

          And what the hell is “Christianity-based sexual repression and obsession” anyway?

          If you think saying that sex belongs in marriage is obsession, perhaps you need to brush up on your English too.

          • TiltedHorizon

            I suspect he may be refering to Pope Leo X.


            • Emmet

              He can reply for himself I think.

          • DavidMHart

            And what the hell is “Christianity-based sexual repression and obsession” anyway?

            That would be things like the rule that you can’t have sex until you get married, that you can’t have gay sex at all, that masturbation is somehow sinful, or that using contraception is somehow a moral problem, that even looking at someone and experiencing sexual desire is somehow wrongful, that you can only have sex in the missionary position, that you are required to have sex if you want to have children (i.e. no in-vitro fertilisation), that you should only have one sexual partner throughout your life (i.e. no divorce, no matter how badly the relationship breaks down), and so on.

            Of course, not all Christian churches hold to all of those rules (and Christianity is often not the only religion that advocates them), but all of those rules are taken very seriously by at least some Christian churches, and trying to pretend not to be know (or pretending that they shouldn’t be categorized as Christianity-based sexual repression) makes you look exceedingly disingenuous.

    • MarkTemporis

      I don’t think Christian Scientists are particularly sexually repressed, I mean no more than any other religion. Their thing is no medicine but prayer.

  • David Kopp

    If you can’t laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at? Good on them.

  • gsiamne

    What if it also struggles with premature ejaculation?

    • JasmynMoon

      Please tell me that’s what they’ll call service ending early.

    • baal

      We were all having such a lovely, energetic and fun service. Then, with no warning, we were all dumped ceremonially out side. Thankfully the pastor was very familiar with this sort of thing and used a very big tarp to clear us off the front lawn.

  • Tara Dawes

    I give them credit for taking it with a bit of humor instead of getting all bent out of shape about it.

    • Brett N

      …bent out of shape…” I see what you did there.

    • C.L. Honeycutt

      I salute you for that post.

    • Jeff Walker

      yeah they certainly did take a licking with good humor

  • Rain

    Win! Although it doesn’t mean anything since any idiot can have a sense of humor. Even brutal dictators have senses of humor.

  • more compost

    Somewhere there is a planning document (or several) that clearly displays the phallic nature of the aerial view. The document was probably viewed by many pairs of eyes on many occasions.

    Yet no one ever caught this? Not one person?

    Or is there someone, somewhere, laughing hysterically?

    • flyb

      Someone in the previous posting commented that probably no one wanted to be the one to point it out, lest they be accused of having impure thoughts! Silly Christians.

      • Walker Bristol

        Just fyi the building is intentionally designed to be energy efficient, taking about as much energy to heat as does a single light bulb. So maybe they looked at it from an aerial view and thought “hey pretty cool that we’re helping the environment and we’re adults so we don’t see penises in everything.” But like who needs science when you have dick jokes amirite non-Christians

        • C.L. Honeycutt

          Gosh, I would have never expected a pissy baby to show up, desperate for something, anything to make himself feel superior. Weird how you never considered that the energy efficiency post is less than a day old AND not the linked part of the page, so people already familiar with the story – i.e. most of those here – would have no reason to see it. Would that be your prejudice blinding you to logic and reason?

          You may have grown up, but if you get angry at people who giggle at the occasional dick joke, you never matured. Or hey, maybe you just hate atheists that much. Take your pick, angrums.

          • Walker Bristol

            “desperate for something, anything to make himself feel superior” lmao are we still on the thread mocking a church for kind of looking like a penis

            • C.L. Honeycutt

              Yep, the mature people who don’t get all angwy about genitals are still enjoying themselves, and sharing the joke with the church, who are clearly also mature enough to have fun with it.

              Meanwhile, you… well, you probably have some shoe shining to do or something. Who knows. But you’re welcome to join us.

              • C.L. Honeycutt

                Aww, poor baby. Did you get back from Pretendistan and get lonely in your empty house, with not even the hope of a call from the grandkids?

                71 years old, give or take, and you still haven’t learned that mature people are fine with laughing at penis jokes. All that time to learn nothing except how to lie to yourself. Dear Forgiving Jesus but you are a sad archaeologist-astronaut-voodoo priest-zombie wrangler, or whatever you’re claiming to be now.

                Even the good folks at this church think it’s funny, as evidenced by the fig leaf. They’re real Christians, unlike yourself, tangled up in your web of shallow, curmudgeonly deceits and empty vanity. Seven decades and not a thing learned…

                • C.L. Honeycutt

                  You’ll understand why no one believes that, given as you’ve told such stupid lies as identifying yourself as an archaeologist, and claiming to read at least six languages when you can’t manage sentence construction solid enough to get through sophomore Seminary.

                  Actually, you won’t understand, given the narcissism/early stage dementia mix. If only you loved Jesus, you’d be handling that better.

                  Speaking of your not loving Jesus… in regards to your previous dribbly post: Please pray for the removal of whatever demon is in your soul that is causing you to obsess about MY genitals. It’s technically flattering in an academic sense, I suppose, but I’m really not interested in your lustful, slobbering gums and ashtray breath.

                  If all you’ve got is “LOL” and whining about technicalities, while hiding from the immaturity of your other whine about penis jokes, then you’ve admitted to losing. My work is done here, loser. Consider yourself dismissed until you ask Him to exorcise those demons dragging you down to Hell.

                • 3lemenope

                  The weird thing is how this joke is flying over your head.

                  Pretendistan is a reference to where C.L. thinks you are/were. You claim, loudly, that you just got back from the Middle East. You yell just as loudly (and correctly, I might add) that there are no states or nation-states named -stan in the confines traditional demarcations of the Middle East.

                  All good so far.

                  But C.L. doesn’t believe you were in the Middle East. So when C.L. said, “Did you get back from Pretendistan,” C.L. is very clearly not implying that Pretendistan is in the Middle East….

                • C.L. Honeycutt

                  Awww, I was bored and going to come mock whatever he wrote, but he’s been banned. *sadface*

                  Thank you, though! And hey, it’s not impossible that he was there, but I find it extremely fishy that he’d have the time or inclination to make hundreds of often lengthy posts at every time of day on such a trip, while suffering from jet lag and allegedly moving to a new state the same week he was returning. I would assume he’d be doing other things on his trip, like indisputably explain to SuperBelloq why God gave men nipples if Adam came before Eve, and so win the hand of Lara Croft’s Bible-loving hotter sister. You know, a Tuesday for him.

          • baal

            Don’t make fun of the energy efficient penus!

        • flyb

          Yes, thanks for the fyi. Also, they built it around an old tree. And the place keeps people dry when it rains. And it also happens to look like a penis.

        • Colin Harwood

          It doesn’t seem very excited about being energy efficient. And why are the nuts green?

        • ScottTheSceptic

          “taking about as much energy to heat as does a single light bulb”: I’m gonna call BS on this statement.

        • Rich Rodgers

          …and get off my lawn, you damned kids!

        • LarryCook

          Why would anybody want to heat a single light bulb?

  • james

    “Terry Firma”
    Can’t tell if erection joke, earth joke, or both?

  • JuneAbend

    Flaccid, hell! Turn that point of view around 180 degrees, and you have a “church organ” I could worship.

    • allein

      Check the comments on the last post about it…someone did just that :)

  • Rationalist1

    Interesting it’s a new Church when the number of Christian Science churches is plumetting, ( ). Maybe they hoped that this shape would stiffen their resolve, cause a growth spurt and plant the seed for new members. Alas, it seems not.

  • Kay Lorraine Sharp

    Church “staff” hahaha

  • Art_Vandelay

    The next time they murder some child because they brainwashed it’s parents into medical neglect, we can all get a chuckle about how down to earth they are.

  • newavocation

    Now we need to find a building that looks like Muhammad

  • Ryan Hite

    I like the idea of having the church being concave and compact, there was just little oversight when erecting it. Science wins this again.

  • Jason JP Preston

    You do have to say that doing that was cleaver

  • Colin Harwood

    I think perhaps
    the architect was one of us. Also, anybody having lunch under that tree while wearing white are going to look like pubic lice from the air – possibly eating a crab salad or something.

  • A3Kr0n

    You would think the architects would have given them a top view of their building. Actually, I’m sure they did.

  • Rich Rodgers

    Looks like they’ve done some landscaping also.

  • Tobias 27772

    They should just rotate the picture 180 degrees. Then it would look erect and exciting. and the shrubery would look like pubic hair. Am I a public relations genius, or what ??