Hey, menstruators of the world! Are you looking for a product that is both horrifying and totally ineffective? Well, a Kansas chiropractor may have just what you need!
Introducing Mensez “Feminine Lipstick!” A “lipstick” that just straight-up glues your labia shut so that none of that icky menstrual fluid can get out!
Daniel Dopps‘ patent for the product was just published last month, and it suggests that he truly believes that this product can totally revolutionize the menstrual marketplace and be swiftly scooped up by Procter & Gamble or Kimberly-Clark or some other company that makes and markets “feminine hygiene” products.
The way Mensez works is that you just slide it on and then walk around with your labia stuck together all day until you have to pee, at which point your urine unsticks the glue and all your menstrual fluid just comes out along with your pee. (You know, because both of those things come from the same opening.) Dopps explains how this works on his LinkedIn page:
Mensez feminine lipstick is a natural patented compound of amino acids and oil in a lipstick applicator that is applied to the labia minora and causes them to cling together in a manner strong enough to retain menstrual fluid in the vestibule above the labia minora where the vaginal opening and urethra exit. The Mensez compound is instantly washed away with urine, which releases the menstrual fluid along with the urine into the toilet every time a woman urinates. No pads or tampons are needed. Safe, secure and clean. #MenstruationMatters #Mensez
Oh, gee! Why didn’t any we come up with this marvelous idea first? Why have we never said “Hey! What about GLUE? Why don’t we just try that?!” Is it because that’s not even sort of how anything works? No, according to Dr. Dopps’ response to that question on Facebook. It’s because our gross periods make us stupid.
Yes, I am a man and you as a woman, should have come up with a better solution than diapers and plugs, but you didn’t. Reason being women are focused on and distracted by your period 25% of the time, making them far less productive than they could be. Some tend to be far more creative than men, but their periods that stifle them and play with their heads. Do you realize that most skin care products and makeup were developed by men? You said that Mensez sounds incredibly awful, it is not. Even though women are secretive and try to hide the fact periods CAN be gross, crusty, smelly and incredibly awful. The period itself is none of that but rather the Diapers that women are forced to accept are gross and in creditably awful, no matter what color they make them or the cute names they give them, they are still diapers, and women have been duped into thinking they are wonderful. NOT True. With Mensez seals in the blood and fluids, they are sterile as long as they are inside the body and all the grossness is from the leakage into undergarments, the drying effects of air and the bacteria contamination that comes along with tampon plugs and pads. I realize that Mensez is very different and may take some time for women to work through the idea. My dream is to have women free of the distractions, the psychological issues that goes along with their periods, and see what they develop.
In a phone conversation with Forbes’ Kavin Senapathy, Dopps says he believes that the negative reaction to his product is because “a lot of the LGBT community, lesbians in particular, are furious at me because I’m a white straight man,” rather than the fact that his product is stupid and suggests a complete misunderstanding of how human anatomy even works. Dopps appears to believe that menstrual blood comes from the urethra, where urine is expelled, rather than from the vagina, and he’s designed the product based on that faulty assumption.
I’m not going to say that a “straight white man” cannot create a swell “feminine hygiene product” — anything is possible! But those who attempt it should, ideally, have at least seen a vagina in person at some point in their lives. Based on this product, I am not entirely certain that Dopps has.