NRA-Backed Politicians Just Received Admission Into the Ninth Circle of Hell

If NRA-backed politicians receive letters this week telling them they’ve been accepted into the Ninth Circle of Hell, they can thank a group of Satanists from San Francisco.

The members of Satanic San Francisco sent the college-style admissions letter to the 267 members of Congress who receive the most money from the gun lobby and who are “among the least interested in gun control provisions or seriously studying gun violence as a public issue.” Each letter includes the specific amount of money that politician has received from the NRA.

The letter reads as follows:

Dear [Member of Congress]

Congratulations!

The entirety of the 9th circle joins me in the most rewarding part of my job — offering you admission to Hell under the Early Action Program.

Every year the admissions committee reviews the deeds of billions of souls, and you’re a real standout. Even as your nation’s children are slaughtered in their classrooms and their mothers and fathers murdered at work, your unwavering commitment to our most devoted servants — the National Rifle Association — is truly impressive.

While known domestic abusers purchase weapons without fear of background checks, your conscience can be bought for a mere [amount of money received from the NRA] in campaign donations. That is just the kind of malfeasance that keeps our hellish community strong.

In Hell you will be surrounded by a welcoming body of like-minded souls committed to fostering suffering and cruelty. We look forward to watching your contributions grow through the transformational opportunities Hell has to offer. We know that you are considering many options for the afterlife but we’re confident that thanks to your continued allegiance to the NRA you’ll eventually enroll here.

Many congratulations! Now go celebrate! We look forward to greeting you when your time on
Earth has reached its natural end.

Very Truly Yours,

BAPHOMET, Demon of Admissions

In a press release marking the event, the group’s organizer explained the reason for the activism:

“As atheistic Satanists, it’s our priority to encourage public policy based on sound science and a skeptical but compassionate point of view,” SSF organizer and cofounder Daniel Walker…

Thanks to lobbying groups like the NRA, American gun culture has become so entwined with fundamentalist religions and revisionist history that we just don’t trust the current Congress, especially given the downright weird inertness we see after these high-profile mass shootings.”

There you have it. The predominantly Republican recipients of that letter have the enthusiastic support of evangelical Christians… and Satan Himself.

Satanic San Francisco is an independent group with no ties to the Church of Satan or The Satanic Temple.

(Image via Facebook)

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