A True Story About “Jesus’s Wife”

I went into our Religious Education office this morning and was reminded that I have a lot of work ahead of me.

It seems as though Little Bart (not his real name) came home from his Religious Formation Class and told mommy that Jesus was married.

Because that’s what a teacher in our program told his class.

Jesus probably even had kids.

Yeah, she said that too.

Why would she say something so profoundly, mind-crackingly stupid? Our program’s teachers have the highest rate of certification in the diocese. They go through three levels of training. They go through child safety programs and are subjected to criminal background checks. We don’t just grab passing hobos and tell them to start teaching 8 year olds their Hail Mary.

So, when I pour giant cauldrons of scorn on idiot modernist Biblical scholars who have spent their entire lives trapped in the reality-distortion fields of academe tweezing at scripture texts in a vain attempt at debunkage, please understand: there is a reason.

Untruth flows from the pen of Laurie Goodstein and others right into the consciousness of the general public like mainlined ignorance, and it winds up in the brains of my students.

Eternal vigilance, people. That’s all I’m sayin’.

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About Thomas L. McDonald

Thomas L. McDonald writes about technology, theology, history, games, and shiny things. Details of his rather uneventful life as a professional writer and magazine editor can be found in the About tab.