3 Jokes For Monday’s Moonday

I believe in drugs and prostitution and the unregulated consumption of Skittles if you’re over the age of 13. I know that puts me in the conservative camp for Skittles, but if you’ve seen the harm that candy can do to a 12-year-old then maybe you’d agree with me. I went to a Renaissance Faire yesterday. Thankfully I missed out on the smallpox and German measles. However, poor sanitary conditions were still in play. God bless the King and port-a-potties. My kids… Read more

CDC Issues Warning About Children And Religion

The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) announced a new religious warning for children up to the age of 13. Up until now, the organization recommended that the parents should show “good judgment” in how much and what type of faith a child is exposed to. Physicians now realize that was a horrible mistake. “Parents, by and large, have little to no ‘good judgment’ when it comes to brainwashing a child in what could only be considered gobbledygook,” explained Dr. Andrew Canard… Read more

Local Atheist Considers Which Cult Of Personality To Join

Drinking coffee at the local coffee shop a local atheist considers which atheist thought leader he should follow blindly. It’s a tough decision to make since there are so many flavors to choose from. There are the misogynists, the racists, the racist-misogynists, the humorless, the aggressively humorless, etc. It’s not a minor choice either. At stake is time, money, and by necessity who in the atheist movement (or non-movement) he is going to hate. It’s easy to think that money… Read more

Honor Tickling Sweeps Through Pakistan

Who is the tickle monster? Islamabad, Pakistan – Reformers of Islam are claiming victory due to honor killings being replaced with honor ticklings. Instead of killing their daughters, wives, or Nana because they brought shame to the family’s good Islamic name, men are now tickling the despised shame-bringers. Mohamed Canard is a thirty-year-old accountant who lives in Islamabad. He shares his family’s story of shame and regained honor: My Nana is eighty-nine and has guided me through good times and… Read more

3 Jokey Interludes

A bit of weird news comes from Alaska –  Alaska rescue group takes in alligator that outgrew bathtub. I can just hear the conversation between the one-time owner of the gator, “Well, where else do you put a gator? It’s ALASKA.” On a side note, I may be seeing comedian Jim Jefferies perform in a week or so. That wouldn’t suck, Disbelievers. Best of all it wouldn’t cost me an arm and leg! I’m assuming the casino is hoping that I’ll… Read more

How Psychics Do Hot Readings

  Psychic Methods Revealed: Hot Reading is the newest from Thomas Westbrook over at the YouTube channel Holy Koolaid.  I suppose another title could’ve been How cheaters cheat or The art of shearing sheep. Check it out. Modern technology and a diet of low moral fiber make it easy for psychics to ply their flim-flam. I’m hoping that one of the first things superintelligent artificial intelligence does is find a way to make us all less-stupid. I’m not hoping for smart. Making… Read more

John Kelly Defends Trump’s Policy Of Child Sacrifice

White House chief of staff John Kelly went on live TV to announce Donald’s Trump’s practice of sacrificing babies to the god Moloch is biblical and just. The recent video leak of the Donald bringing supporters’ babies to the hands of a giant man-bull statue and then roasting said children to death in order to make an aroma pleasing to the god of the Canaanites created a firestorm of controversy. John Kelly called a press conference and with Bible in hand defended President Trump: Donald… Read more

3 Jokes For The Gulag

When I think about the drudgery of my daily life (today’s schedule: work-write-pick up kids from school-dentist-music lessons-karate lessons) I immediately want to check the news. When I look at big dumpster fires it makes me feel good about my little one burning bright. The BBC just reported Trump finally sending the family of a slain vet the $25,000 he promised.  It’s doubtful Trump would’ve sent the money if he didn’t get shamed into by the press. See, now I feel… Read more

Alabama Cites Religious Freedom And Leaves NATO

Montgomery, Alabama – Alabama no longer considers itself a member of the North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO). The state legislature passed a bill yesterday that was immediately signed by Governor Andrew Beauregard Canard. Effective immediately no citizen of The Yellowhammer State is to engage in joint US-NATO exercises, NATO policing actions, or the Bi-Annual NATO Meat Raffle. The new statute is known as The Heart of Dixie Law after the state’s unofficial nickname. Following the election of Donald Trump radical members… Read more

President Trump Takes Remedial Class In Christianity

  Washington DC – The War on Christmas is coming, and President Trump is getting ready to bring the hammer down on anyone who says Happy Holidays. Another target is sure to be coffee cups that aren’t emblazoned with the reason for the season, little baby Jesus. However, Trump’s staff and supporters are wrestling with the fact that their boss has little to no understanding of Christianity. Seeking to avoid insulting the President’s political base, close associates are secretly teaching their boss… Read more

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