Exorcists Pull Charles Darwin’s Spirit Out Of Child

Evil personified.
Evil personified.

 

Bent Root, Kansas – Teenage exorcists Avery, Emma, and Kathleen King pulled the daemonic spirit of Charles Darwin out of a ten-year-old atheist.

This wasn’t the first metaphysical rodeo this trinity of Christian sisters have been to. They travel this great country answering the call of those in need. In this case, they received an email from Nana Grimley. She was concerned about her ten-year-old grandson Bobby.

She was really worried because her son kept talking in demonic language,” stated the eldest sister Avery. “We took a look at Bobby and had to tell her “LOL” isn’t satanic.”

Even though Nana Grimley’s initial fears were unfounded, the truth was even more disturbing. Little Bobby was the victim of the spirit of that nasty Charles Darwin.

The truth was revealed when sister Emma remembered to take her medication during the initial interview with the boy. She opened a bottle of Amoxicillin and took a pill. She innocently stated her cold was almost vanquished.

That’s when Charles Darwin stepped in.

The demon’s first response was to chide the Christly Emma because “antibiotics don’t work on colds.” The mouthpiece of Satan went on to explain colds are caused by viruses and antibiotics don’t work on viruses.

And then it got worse — Science Channel/NOVA bad.

Charles Darwin’s spirit told the three girls Americans take too many antibiotics. Over prescribing the medication has caused bacteria to evolve into antibiotic resistant strains.

Evolve is one of those hellish buzzwords that cause the sisters three to spring into action. Other such words are Richard Dawkins, Taylor Swift, and Dress Barn.

Within seconds Bibles were pulled out, and ear plugs firmly in place.

“Whenever someone talks about evolution we put those divine earplugs in. It keeps us pure and modest,” reported the third sister no one pays attention to.

Within minutes of chanting and praying and singing Christian pop songs, Charles Darwin’s spirit fled Bobby. He quickly thanked the sisters and walked them to the door.

“I hope we never have to see each other again,” he smiled and then triple locked that very same door.

The sisters drove off into the sunset. Their next mission is to exorcize the devilish spirit of falafel out of a hipster.

 


 

**This Poe is based on the horribly written CNN story When exorcists need help, they call him.  It focuses on the old canard of “a man of science believes bat shit crazy shit.” The man of science in question is Dr. Richard Gallagher. He helps exorcists. You should take a gander at the piece to see how bad it is.

This article is designed to rope in clicks from a population who doesn’t understand science.

Here’s how it ends.

“Truly informed exorcists don’t tend to get discouraged,” he says, “because they know it is our Lord who delivers the person, not themselves.”
Is Gallagher doing God’s work, or does he need deliverance from his own delusions?
Perhaps only God — and Satan — knows for sure.
Totally cheesy.

I have a Patreon account just in case you wish to show your appreciation for my work here on Laughing in Disbelief.


 

Me!!Andrew Hall is the author of Laughing in Disbelief. Besides writing a blog, co-hosting the Naked Diner, he wrote two books, Vampires, Lovers, and Other Strangers and God’s Diary: January 2017 . Andrew is reading through the Bible and making videos about his journey on YouTube. He is a talented stand-up comedian. You can find him on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

 

 


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