John Kelly Defends Trump’s Policy Of Child Sacrifice

John Kelly Defends Trump’s Policy Of Child Sacrifice October 20, 2017


White House chief of staff John Kelly went on live TV to announce Donald’s Trump’s practice of sacrificing babies to the god Moloch is biblical and just. The recent video leak of the Donald bringing supporters’ babies to the hands of a giant man-bull statue and then roasting said children to death in order to make an aroma pleasing to the god of the Canaanites created a firestorm of controversy. John Kelly called a press conference and with Bible in hand defended President Trump:

Donald Trump is carrying on the proud tradition of Solomon the Wise. King Solomon, the wisest man of the Bible, erected a temple to Lord Moloch in Jerusalem. Worshippers would bring their first child to ‘pass through the fire.’ In fact, King Solomon thought it was so important a ritual he made sure that the temple was built on a hill so that everyone could smell the aroma that was so pleasing to Lord Moloch.

Leaders of the Christian right are applauding Donald’s bold new move in the culture wars. However, many everyday worshippers were concerned to learn that white babies were being roasted alongside brown- and black-skinned infants.

Some Republicans in Congress are taking the heat.

Within minutes of the video going up on Youtube, my constituents were calling me demanding to know why Donald couldn’t sacrifice only Mexican and Muslim babies. Know what? Saying Moloch doesn’t want Mexicans isn’t the right way to answer. – anonymous Republican politician

Hardcore Trump supporters are sticking by their man. Just to show how patriotic they are, many are sacrificing babies wrapped in American flags to Moloch the Insatiable.

Child protection agencies would like to intervene, but the parents’ religious freedoms trumps the physical welfare of their little ones.

“They have strongly held religious beliefs,” stated child advocate Andrew Canard. “What can we do against that?”

Democrats are struggling to find a way to respond to the Trump/Moloch alliance. Some seasoned politicians suggest signing a blood pact with Baal the Incontinent. Others want to compete for the affections of Moloch with a new ad campaign A Better Deal for You and for Moloch.


*This Poe was partially inspired by John Kelly defending Trump’s telephone call to a mother of a fallen soldier.



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Me!!Andrew Hall is the author of Laughing in Disbelief. Besides writing a blog, co-hosting the Naked Diner, he wrote two books, Vampires, Lovers, and Other Strangers and God’s Diary: January 2017 . Andrew is reading through the Bible and making videos about his journey on YouTube. He is a talented stand-up comedian. You can find him on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.



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