Trump Replaces Black History Month With Confederate History Month


Washington DC – The White House announced President Trump’s plans to officially replace Black History Month with Confederate History Month.

Political wonks took note the news was made public on a Friday. It’s common knowledge no one pays attention to what’s going on just before the weekend. “Hitler invaded Russia on a Friday at 3pm just before a three day weekend. The Wehrmacht were in Kiev before Stalin got back to Moscow from his summer shack on the Cape,” stated historian Andrew Canard.

Many in the US didn’t even know Confederate History Month existed. A handful of Southern states reserve a full month to commemorate the Confederate States of America. Celebrations often include but not limited to games like Confederate Jeopardy which tests contestants’ historical knowledge, free admissions/tours of local plantations, and complimentary showings of  The Birth of a Nation (1915).

Republican lawmakers are celebrating. Many rank and file Republicans believe that by replacing Black History Month with Confederate History Month the horrors of white genocide will finally start to wane. “White men and godly white women are endangered species in the United States of America,” said Billy “The Schlitz” King. “Confederate History Month is making America great again!”

The Democratic leadership is trying to figure out what to do about the latest move from President Trump. Many red state Democrats are supporting the change. Most blue state Democrats aren’t. While the DNC debates the issue, it’s rumored the African American Museum (AAM) is actively trying to smuggle Black History Month to Canada. The AAM fled to the Great White North in 2016 and has a couch Black History Month can crash on until it finds a place of its own.

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