Whose Choice?

When I was in high school, my father told me he wouldn’t be in the business of finding a husband for me. He knew other men did it, he told me, but he wouldn’t. Why? For two reasons: First, because I, not he, was the one who would have to live with the guy, and second, because if things turned out badly he didn’t want to have to live with the guilt of having chosen wrongly for me. He told me that I would need to find a husband myself.That said, my father also gave me a list of requirements and … [Read more...]

Sex Miseducation

Children who go to public school receive sex education. Some sex education programs are better than others, some are more comprehensive, others less so, but at least children attending public schools get sex education. I didn't. My parents never told me about sex, never had “the talk” with me, nothing. My parents taught me that sex within marriage was the most wonderful think ever but that sex before marriage was the most sinful thing ever, but they never actually explained what sex was. They jus … [Read more...]

Children’s Rights?

Do children have rights? If the do, should the state step in to guarantee these rights? Or, in contrast, do children belong entirely to their parents, who can do as they please with them?My dad believes that the state has no right to step in and force families to have their children treated for medical problems such as cancer. To him, that is an infringement on the parents’ rights and an overstepping of governmental authority. He is not alone in this. Many families involved in Christian P … [Read more...]

Mass Produced Children?

Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar assure the world that they have enough love in their hearts for all nineteen of their children. Well okay, who am I to doubt a parent’s love for his or her children! But I have to ask, how much time do they have for each child? What the Duggars appear to be doing is mass producing children. Let’s try a thought experiment. In today’s society, most cups are mass produced. Factories can make tens of thousands of them per day with very little labor. These factories … [Read more...]

Children Are Not Trophies

  When there were eight children in my family, I had a friend who was also one of eight. Then my mother had another baby. What do you think my friend did? She was so jealous of me that she didn’t talk to me for three months. Finally, she came to me and confessed her jealousy and apologized for letting it jeopardize our friendship.   I talked recently with a woman with nine children. She told me she wants more, because she loves kids and loves being pregnant. I looked around at t … [Read more...]

Feminism AND Motherhood

Fellow blogger Shadowspring has discussed on her blog her experience of being essentially abandoned as a child by her mother, who used feminism to denigrate motherhood and treated her children as a unwanted burden. I think I had the opposite experience. Because my mother made motherhood her entire identity, giving up completely any independent life she might have had, I experience guilt when I think about how much I have disappointed her through my choices. I feel like my failure (in her eyes, … [Read more...]

The Fruit of Spanking: Rage and Shame

As I remember it, my parents didn’t spank me all that often. When I was spanked it was usually just three wallops with a wooden paddle. My mom only rarely bruised us, and my dad actually went easier on us than she did. Sometimes mom would save us for dad to spank, and he would decide that we had suffered enough and only pretend to spank us. He had us yell and holler and everything.Why is it, then, that when I look back at being spanked all I remember was the inner rage I felt? No one is l … [Read more...]