12 Reasons We Indoctrinate Kids — and Why We Shouldn’t

In nonreligious circles, “indoctrination” has become a pejorative. Something to resist and avoid. The way secularists see it, instructing children to accept any religious faith uncritically deprives them of their own unique reflections, observations and opinions. At its worst, indoctrination is a requirement to blindly follow, to believe without question, to respect and obey authority figures simply because they have been branded as such.

Yet, millions of parents throughout the world indoctrinate their children. Why?

1. Comfort: The idea of heaven can be undeniably comforting, especially to children with anxieties about death or dying. By instilling a child with belief in an afterlife, parents may feel they are protecting him from existential pain. And, indeed, in the short-term at least, they might be right.

2. Fear: Devoutly religious parents who believe in hellfire and damnation will indoctrinate, in whole or in part, out of fear for their children’s eternal well-being.

3Calling: Those who feel they’ve been “called” by God to fulfill a duty may see it as their divine obligation to bring children into their faith.

4. Morals: Despite reams of evidence to the contrary, many people still believe there is a necessary connection between religion and moral acts. Parents who have been brought up in a religious household may not know how to instill morals without the aid of religion.

5. Community: Parents who derive a sense of belonging from their religious community may deem it in their children’s best interest to be members of that community, too.

6. Tradition: For some families, religion acts as an heirloom — something of personal value handed down from one generation to the next. Religion can provide a structure for family get-togethers, a way to pass on memories, and a vehicle to understand one another.

7. Protection: Places of worship can be safe havens from the less desirable sides of the youth experience — early sex, drugs, alcohol. Getting children involved in a church, mosque, synagogue or temple can be a parent’s attempt to stave off those things.

8. Ignorance: Sometimes the blind lead the blind. Those who have been brought up to believe a certain way just because may not think twice before doing same thing with their kids.

9. Parenting style: A parent with an authoritarian parenting style is likely to demand certain behaviors of their children, and this bleeds over into the religious spectrum. Kids may be expected to obey God, just as they are expected to obey Mom and Dad.

10. Truth: Many parents believe they possess the “truth” about the universe — whatever that means. Some believe that the wisdom of their own life journeys not only can, but must, inform the beliefs of their children.

11. Politics: Those whose religion is completely wrapped up in their politics may indoctrinate their kids as a means to an end.

12. Fairness: Parents who perceive that others are indoctrinating their children may indoctrinate their own as a way of balancing things out.

Unfortunately, the problems with indoctrination are many and striking. Not only does it take advantage of children’s undeveloped brains, but it can hinder their ability to draw their own conclusions about the world, independent from their parents. And that’s a skill that relates directly to their self-esteem, self-confidence and self-worth — the very attributes that will enable them to resist peer pressure and make wise decisions in adolescence and beyond.

What’s more, indoctrination breeds religious intolerance. It’s difficult to teach compassion and acceptance while sending a message that your child is obligated to believe the way you do. True tolerance starts at home. If you’re going to tell your child it’s okay for others to believe differently than you do, you’ve got to be okay with your child doing the same. Otherwise, you’re kind of a hypocrite. And by “kind of,” I mean totally.

Quick! What the Hell is Passover?

Most Christians (current and cultural) are all too familar with the story of the Last Supper, in which Jesus hosts his 12 disciples for one last meal before he’s crucified. What’s rarely made clear, though, is that Jesus’ final meal was quite likely a Passover meal. After all, the Jewish holiday of Passover was the reason Jesus had made his entrance into Jerusalem in the first place that year. Even if it wasn’t technically a Seder (pronounced SAY-der and referring to that day’s big feast), I have a hard time believing Jesus wasn’t inspired by the all-too symbolic Passover Seder when he asked his guests to eat bread as though it were his body, and drink wine as though it were his blood. That sort of thing is, as you’ll soon see, so very “Seder-y.”

Holiday: Passover

AKA: “Feast of the Unleavened Bread”

Religion Represented: Judaism

Celebrates: The exodus of the ancient Jewish people from Egyptian slavery.

Date: The 15th to 21st day in the Hebrew month of Nisan.

On a Scale of 1 to 10: Passover is about a 9, just under Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashanah. It’s one of the most widely observed Jewish holidays.

Star of the Show: Moses

Back Story: The Torah’s Book of Exodus recounts the story of the ancient Jews (Israelites) who were living as slaves in Egypt. As the story goes, a cruel Egyptian pharaoh ordered all the Israelite’s eldest sons to be murdered, which infuriated God — who proclaimed that Israel was God’s firstborn son (making the Israelites his “chosen” children). God approached Moses at the legendary burning bush to lead the Israelites out of Egypt, and Moses accepted. “Let my people go,” Moses told the pharaoh over and over again. But the pharaoh refused, even after God infected all of Egypt with nine of 10 horrific plagues. The last and worst plague was that God would kill the firstborn sons of all Egyptians. (Nice guy, that Old Testament God.) He warned the Israelites ahead of time to put lamb’s blood in front of their doors, so the angel of death would know to “pass over” those houses and thus spare their sons. It was then that the pharaoh consented to let the Jews leave, and leave they did — so fast, Exodus tells us, that their bread didn’t even have time to rise. (Fortuitous, really, since crackers make much better travelers than bread, anyway.) When the pharoah changed his mind and ordered his army to recapture the Israelities, Moses (again, legendarily) parted the Red Sea with his magical staff, which led his people to freedom and drowned all pursuers in their wake.

Associated Literary Passages: Exodus 3:1-15:26; Leviticus 23:1-15Numbers 9:1-15, among others. Also: The Babylonian Talmud: Tract Pesachim; and the Union Haggadah.

The Food: It wouldn’t be Passover without unleavened bread, called matzah. But there are other symbolic foods, too: Bitter herbs (to symbolize the bitterness of slavery), a mixture of apples, nuts, wine and cinnamon (to symbolize the mortar Jewish slaves used to build Egyptian cities); a roasted egg (perpetual existence); vegetable (new life and hope); salt water (tears shed during slavery); and roasted lamb (the blood over the doorways). Oh, and observers must — must! — consume four glass of wine over the course of the dinner, which represent the four-fold promise of redemption.

The Fun: Specific Seder rituals are all laid out in the Haggadah. (And, yes, in case you were wondering, there is an app for that.) Observers eat and drink in a certain order; recite the Passover story; invite children to ask “four questions” about Passover; sing songs; and hide the afikoman, which is a piece of matzah in a napkin that the kids must find and then share with everyone. Observers also pour an extra glass of wine and leave the door open in case Elijah the prophet arrives. (Spoiler alert: He never does.)

Conveying Meaning to Kids: Because Passover was, in a sense, created to introduce Judaism to children, there are tons of cute Passover children’s book, some that focus on the back story, others that focus on the traditions of the Seder. Both kinds are absolutely worth checking out, although some are more “neutral” than others. I like Passover by Miriam Nerlove (and not just because it has a character called Aunt Maxine); Let my People Go by Tilda Balsley; and Passover: Celebrating Now, Remembering Then by Harriet Ziefert.  You can always hold a quasi-Seder, of course, telling your child the Exodus story and then serving the symbolic food and talking about what each means.

This post originally appeared on April 2, 2012.

‘Up Series’ Captures the Magic of Age 7

One of my all-time favorite things IN THE WORLD is the Up Series, a British documentary series that follows 14 socio-economically diverse 7-year-olds throughout their lives. Interviewed about their dreams, ambitions, passions and beliefs for the 1964 film Seven Up!, these children were revisited again seven years later — when they were 14, then again at 21, and so on. Now, the “children” are 56 years old, and the latest of the films — 56 Up — is about to be available in the United States.

Here’s a trailor for it.

The films were based on the aphorism: “Give me a child until he is 7, and I will give you the man.” Filmmakers Paul Almond and Michael Apted wanted to test the hypothesis that a child’s social class predetermines his or her future. To this end, they interviewed three wealthy boys from an exclusive pre-prep school, a group of working-class girls, a boy raised on a farm, another from a suburb, two kids from charity children’s home, a boy intent on becoming a missionary for God, and so on. The original idea was that, by age 7, life circumstances have set a child’s nature and outlook to such a degree that not much will change for the rest of his or her life.

Limiting, right? Very. But also fascinating. From the moment you meet them, the differences between these kids are startlingly apparent.

I tell you this, in part, because my daughter is now 7, and, for the first time, I really understand why that particular number was chosen. Suddenly, for the first time, I find myself being able to paint a pretty complete portrait of my daughter’s future self. Unlike the toddler years, or even at ages 5 and 6, children at 7 are predictable and consistent, firm in their likes and dislikes, forward-thinking, thoughtful, wise and full of personality. As the Up Series shows, not all of these “imagined portraits” come to fruition — and who knows if mine will — but many do. More than you’d think. And how strange that is! To have a baby and then seven years later be picturing them, pretty easily, as an adult. It’s shocking. And surreal. And, when it’s not breaking your heart, it’s totally awesome, too.

If you really want to get hooked, watch Part 1 of Seven Up! here. (Then go to Amazon, where you can buy the box set.)

Kids Leaving Parents’ Religion Certainly Gets People Talking

I’m hella busy today, but wanted to link to a few recent news posts about children leaving the faiths into which they were born. The first is informative, the second is instructive, and the third — well, the third is just trash. But watch it for the comedic value.

Study: Religious Parents’ Divorce May Cause Children to Leave the Church

The Journal for the Scientific Study of Religion released a study Tuesday finding that children who have two religious parents are twice as likely to lose that religion if the parents divorce. The journal does not offer an explanation — those studies will be next, apparently — but does hypothesize that one reason may be that religious guidance gets put on the back burner in divorce situations. Baylor University also wrote about the study, and you can find that story here.

When Your Child Rejects Your Religion: Dos and Don’ts

Aimed at religious parents, this column from KSL.com in Utah has some great advice for religious parents whose children drift away from the family’s chosen faith. It’s advice that I wish more religious parents would heed. And, certainly, nonreligious parents who “fear” their children will someday adopt a religious practice would be wise to give the list a quick read, too.

Talking to Kids and Religion/Spirituality

I almost feel guilty pointing this one out, because IT’S SO BAD. But for us “nones” in more liberal parts of the country, perhaps it’s good to get a dose of the other side now and again. Here’s the setup: A morning news anchor for  a segment called “Take 5″ at WZZM13 in Michigan and a “doctor” called Clark (from a place called the Clark Institute) discuss how children are moving away from religion and how sad it is because they’re so alone and because kids so clearly yearn for God. I’m calling shenanigans on the whole 5-minute interview, but here are some high points (and, by that, I clearly mean low points):

1:33 Clark says: “The kids who went through the Newtown shooting — the ones that had a belief in God or some kind of church attendance or religion in the family, they did better after the shooting incident.” [Um...WTF???]

2:00 “Wow, you were a unique preschool teacher, let me tell ya!” anchor lady says when Clark reveals that, as a preschool teacher, he told his kids about Judaism, Islam and Kwanza. [And this is somehow shocking? Also, Kwanza: not religious.]

3:50 Clark suggests when a child discloses to his parents that he’s lost faith, a “great response” would be to laugh at the kid. [Another great response would be to add a bunch of money to a therapy jar, because that kid's probably going to need a lot of it.]

4:15 Anchor lady asks if parents are supposed to “leave it” to children to discover their own beliefs — an option she says “scares me because what might they find?” [Hmm. Waldo wearing a devil costume? Isn't the real question, what might they not find?]

Nonreligious Parents a ‘Niche’ Market? Not By My Count

NicheWhen I started pitching “Relax, It’s Just God” two years ago, I was told, repeatedly, that it was too niche for major publishers. At the time, I assumed this was true. After all, we live in a religious country. If I wanted to appeal to the masses, there were certainly better ways to go.

But since then, I’ve come to strongly disagree with the contention that we of little faith are some hugely specialized market. And, today, I did some number-crunching. Now I’m no statistician, so feel free to check me on this.

I started with some basic Census information:

• 313 million people live in the United States and 83.7 million of them are adults between the ages of 25 and 44.

Then I broke some numbers out by age and gender:

• 21.1 million adults are in the 25-29 range — including 10.5 million women and 10.6 million men

• 62.6 million adults are in the 30-44 range — including 31.5 million women and 31.1 million men

Then I discovered that roughly 74 percent of women and 62 percent of men between the ages and 25 and 44 are parents. I calculated that into this:

•  7.8 million women between the ages of 25 and 29 are moms.

• 6.6 million men between the ages of 25 and 29 are dads.

• 23.3 million women between the ages of 30 to 44 are moms.

• 19.3 million men between the ages of 30 and 44 are dads.

Then I considered this:

• 32 percent of all adults between the ages of 25 and 29 consider themselves “nonreligious” — that is, they don’t subscribe to any particular faith.

• 21 percent of adults between the ages of 30 and 44 consider themselves nonreligious.

Now, if we can assume that parents and non-parents are equally likely to be religious as they are to be nonreligious, then we should be able to play these numbers against each other. And when we do, we find this:

• 13.3 million American parents between the ages of 25 and 44 are nonreligious.

That’s more than one in five parents. And it doesn’t even include parents younger than 25 and older than 44. [Nor, as one kind reader pointed out to me, does it include parents who consider themselves "religious" but are looking for advice on raising open-minded children who will not become slaves to any particular belief system.]

So my question is this: What’s so niche about that?

Despite Controversy, World Religion Teacher Tells It Like It Is

religions_wheel_crimsonI may have a new BFF — or, at the very least, a great new source for my book.

Jim Morrison (no, not that one) has been teaching World Religion at a high school in Red Wing, Minn., for 17 years. He’s not a pious man himself (to say the least), so his classes are comparative, historical and incredibly eye-opening. His students love him. Christian fundamentalists in the community? Well, they don’t. But they do tolerate him. And that’s something, dammit.

Jim recently began his own blog — Teach Not Preach — which I like very much. All his posts are interesting. (This week he wrote about lesbians, so that should pique your interest.) But my favorite post is this one, in which he recalls the rather hilarious frenzy that broke out after his World Religion course was introduced in 1996. School administrators called an emergency meeting where 22 local ministers came together to debate the merits of Jim’s class — and whether it violated the First Amendment of the United States Constitution. Jim writes:

About fifteen minutes into the discussion tempers started to flare. One pastor yelled “Why can’t you just tell the students what other religions believe, why do you have to make them think!?”  The room spontaneously erupted into a verbal brawl. A young pastor sitting behind me leaned forward and sarcastically whispered in my ear “It would be horrible if schools made students think, Jim.”  I smiled. It was clear he was on my side.

Despite the conservative Christian presence in Red Wing, Jim isn’t afraid to urge  his students to “understand the difference between religious dogma and factual information based on physical evidence and research.” For instance, he teaches that “resurrection stories and virgin birth stories are a dime a dozen in the ancient world and are not viewed as historical truth by everyone.” As a result, he says, he was “accused of injecting my own ideas into the course, misinterpreting the Bible, and generally being offensive to Christians.”

But, in the end, education won out. And, for 17 years, students have been thanking him for it. Check out these excerpts taken from a bunch of end-of-semester essays Jim recently received. Here’s a sample. (Olivia’s is my favorite.)

Coming from a Christian home with many Christian friends, many told me that taking World Religions would not be good because “all Morrison does is bash the Bible.” Well, they were wrong. In no way did I find what you said offensive toward my religion or my personal beliefs….Many fear that their little Christian boys and girls are being corrupted by exposure to other religions, but to me, that talk is just silly and is nonsense. Exposure to an idea that is different from yours isn’t corruption of the mind, it is really the expansion of the mind. Through out the semester I have learned about so many interesting ideas, and I really wish the course was a year-long class.

— Nick

The necessity of a world religion class has never been more obvious as it was the night I was studying for my Christianity test and I remarked to my mother how little I knew about Protestants despite being one. How she responded made me a little sad. “You’re not a Protestant, you’re a Lutheran,” she told me. I was shocked. I couldn’t believe she didn’t know that Lutherans are a Protestant sect.

— Olivia

Islam was the biggest shock to me. I thought they were all about blowing stuff up and terrorism. But learning about them made me think differently about them. I find it amazing how they can stick to such a strict prayer schedule and honor their religion every day. I will now think differently whenever I see a Muslim.

— Andy

One lesson among many that I will take from this class is how important it is to understand people and their beliefs before passing judgment on them. It is so very easy to have preconceived notions about a person/group without truly understanding them.

— Brian

I absolutely loved this class…but I’m not sure if my mom likes the fact that I took it. I think she dislikes the fact that I began to be more open about my personal beliefs, which differ from hers. Because of this I’m not allowed to talk to my little sister (eleven years old) about religion at all! I got in trouble for telling my sister “false ideas,” ideas that were not exactly pro-Christian. Despite this, I’m happy I took the class. Yeah for critical thinking!

— Sarah

Don’t you wish you could clone this guy and put him in your kids’ high school?

One Set of ‘Footprints in the Sand’ is Plenty for This Kid

Footprints in the sand on beach near San José del Cabo, Mexico at sunrise

When I was growing up — Missouri, 1980s — half the kids I knew had a framed copy of “Footprints in the Sand” somewhere in their house. Usually hanging in the living room.

That poem was as meaningful to these families as Rudyard Kipling’s “If” was to ours. (My mom gave me a poster-sized copy of “If” right before I entered adolescence. I must have read it 500 times.)

The point is, although it wasn’t in my own home, “Footprints in the Sand” was a part of my childhood. I have vivid memories of staring into the ubiquitous pictures of sandy beaches and thinking what a comforting, beautiful sentiment that was. Or maybe it was just the thought of a beach that I found so comforting and beautiful. (This was Missouri, after all.) I assume most of you have read it, but here it is:

Footprints in the Sand 

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.

Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.

Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,

other times there was one only.

This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life,

when I was suffering from anguish,

sorrow or defeat,

I could see only one set of footprints,

so I said to the Lord,

“ You promised me Lord,

that if I followed you,

you would walk with me always.

But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life

there has only been one set of footprints in the sand.

Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”

The Lord replied,

“The years when you have seen only one set of footprints,

my child, is when I carried you.”

author unknown

This notion of always having someone with us to keep us going is among the most common reasons people desire religious faith. It’s also, I’ve discovered, a reason that secular parents who were raised in religious households sometimes feel a sense guilt for not introducing their kids to this potentially friendly presence in their lives.

But telling a child that God is in the room with them is not nearly as compelling as it sounds. Kids’ minds are far more active than ours, their imaginations are rich and vibrant. If they want or need company, they have no trouble finding it. They hug their stuffed animals. They invent imaginary friends. They cling to their blankets. They talk to themselves.

I know I’m getting into “blasphemous” territory here, but kindly bear with me… Whether or not kids think there’s a God above doesn’t change the fact that they must solve their own problems here on Earth. In my personal experience, whether we talk things through with God or with Paddington Bear has absolutely no influence on the outcome.

As I’ve said before, my 7-year-old is very much on the fence about God. She believes sometimes and not other times — and that’s fine by me. But she said something recently that inspired this post and made certain that, whatever she ends up believing, she likely won’t ever feel the need for “Footprints in the Sand.”

“I’ll never be lonely,” she told me, “because I’ll always have myself.”

Now THAT I’d hang in the living room.

Quick! What the Hell is Purim?

I always think of the Bible as sort of dry reading — difficult to understand, weighted down by archaic language and vague descriptions, full of stories that just kind of go on and on. But, of course, that’s not always true.

And it’s especially not true in the Book of Esther.

Reading more like a Shakespearean play, the 10-chapter Book of Esther tells one hell of an intriguing story. It’s a story of honor, greed, deception, justice, irony, death and triumph. There is a clear beginning, a clear ending and even a climax and denouement. And, on top of it all, it’s a relatively quick read.

All this is good new for any Bible reader, but it’s fantastic news for our Jewish friends because, during the Jewish holiday of Purim, celebrants are asked to read the entire story of Esther aloud. Twice.

Purim begins tomorrow and continues through sundown Sunday.

So without further ado, here it is, your friendly neighborhood Cheat Sheet to Purim.

Holiday: Purim

Pronounced: POOR-im

Date: Purim falls on the 14th day of Adar in the Hebrew Calendar.

Celebrates: The escape of Persian Jews from extermination sometime around the 4th century BCE.

Religion Represented: Judaism

On a Scale of 1 to 10: Purim is maybe a 6 or 7, says my friend Jason Gewirtz, who acknowledges that Purim is pretty much the most kick-ass of all the Jewish holidays even though he, himself, suffered some childhood trauma around Purim. (Something about having to wear a cute little beard in a Purim play when he was 4. Sounds ghastly, doesn’t it?)

Star of the Show: Esther

The Back Story: Purim’s back story (which comes to us courtesy of the Book of Esther) is one of my all-time favorites, and reads a lot like a melodrama — which is exactly how Jews treat it. The villain of the story is the Persian king’s advisor, Haman (BOO! HISS!), and the two heros are Esther, the queen, and her cousin, Mordecai — both of whom are Jewish. The story is absolutely wonderful. And if you know it, you’ll pretty much know everything there is to know about Purim. For your reading enjoyment (or not), I’ve included my version of the story HERE.

Associated Literary Passages: The Old Testament’s Book of Esther, and the Babylonia Talmud: Tract Megilla.

Why Feminists Should Love Purim: There are precious few Biblical stories that put a woman front-and-center and show her taking heroic actions. Not only is Esther willing to “out herself” as a Jew to save her people, but the king respects her boldness and advice so much that, by the end of the story, she’s calling virtually all the shots. You go, girl.

The Food: The most Purim-est of the foods is Hamantaschen, a pastry shaped like Haman’s three-corned hat. “Leave it to the Jews to develop a snack based on the hat of the villian Haman,” Jason quips.

The Fun: Celebrants read the story of Esther twice during Purim — once at sundown, and again the next morning. They give away food, donate to the poor and, of course, engage in some serious feasting and drinking. In fact, the Talmud literally demands that Jews get rip-roaring drunk at Purim. No shit. The Babylonian Talmud states, and I quote, “Rava said: A person is obligated to drink on Purim until he does not know the difference between ‘cursed be Haman’ and ‘blessed be Mordechai.’” How’s that for an excuse to party?

Conveying Meaning to Kids: This is a no-brainer, really. Just tell your kid the story! Either put it in your own (age-appropriate) words and tell it as a bedtime story, or check out a Purim picture book from the library. My favorite is Queen Esther the Morning Star by Mordicai Gerstein, but Queen Esther Saves her People and The Story of Esther: A Purim Tale also are good. You can also look online for videos about the story of Purim; Sesame Street has a good one. And I found this website with some very funny Purim-centered puppet videos and a slide show, among other things, that would be great for kids ages 8 to 12 or thereabouts. That and Hamantaschen, and you’re good to go.

 

A version of this post originally appeared in March 2012

15 Secular Songs to Share With Your Kids

Not long ago, I suggested that nonreligious parents share religious music with their kids. I put together a Christian playlist and, later, a Hanukkah playlist. I also recommended some Cat Stevens songs about Islam, including one I love called “Ramadan Moon.” 

Some readers voiced concern about the ways in which religious songs have been used to indoctrinate children. They argued that the potential downsides to sharing such music outweighed the benefits. But I still think that, as long as we do it right, these musical journeys can be excellent ways to develop religious literacy, learn tolerance for other cultures, and give nonreligious children a way  — should the need arise — to connect with religious children without engaging in all the belief stuff.

But how exactly do we do it right? Well, the same way we approach any other religious knowledge.

wondwo

First, we act as chaperones. We don’t just play religious music. We explain what the songs are about, define unknown terms and concepts, and talk about why each song may hold meaning to the religions whence they came.

And, second, we balance out the religious with the secular. In addition to sharing other people’s religious songs, we share our own secular songs — and then talk about where these songs came from and why they hold so much meaning to us.

Now, you might be thinking: What the hell is a “secular song?” Is it anti-God music, or just 95 percent of rock-n-roll?

The secular songs I’m talking about are songs that inspire or comfort us; that bring us closer to humanity; that touch on the purpose, meaning and joys of life — without religion.

We all have our favorite secular songs — and I spent a long time paring mine down — but here are the ones I’ve chosen for my daughter’s Secular Playlist. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do — and please don’t forget to weigh in with your own secular favorites in the comments!

[Full disclosure: I had to edit this list after I published it because I realized some of the songs actually had religious connotations. This was harder than I thought!]

1. What a Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong (Thanks, Dad!)

 

2. Ain’t it Enough by Old Crow Medicine Show (Thanks, Jenny!)

 

3. Imagine by John Lennon

 

4.  Life’s a Happy Song, written by Bret McKenzie

 

5. In My Life by The Beatles

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zI0Q8ytD44Y

 

6. Don’t Worry, Be Happy by Bobby McFarin

 

7. White Wine in the Sun by Tim Minchin (Thanks, Derek!)

 

8. Rainbow Connection by Kermit the Frog

 

9. My Favorite Things by Julie Andrews

 

10. Lean on Me by Bill Withers

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zU97n-HuAJA

 

11. That’s Life by Frank Sinatra

 

12: Rocky Mountain High by John Denver

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OwARpaKHx_w

 

13. I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor

 

14. Think for Yourself by the Beatles

 

15. You Are my Sunshine by virtually everyone on the planet (but my favs is Willie Nelson’s version)

 

God’s (Alleged) Gender Proves Problematic for Some Parents

god

About a year ago — when my daughter was six — I noticed that she had been sitting in silence for a surprisingly long time.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“I’m sad,” she said.

“Why are you sad?” I asked.

“Because,” she said, “God is a boy and not a girl.”

“How do you know?”

“I just know,” she said, glumly.

“And why does that make you sad?”

“Because,” she said. “I’m a girl.

Featured-on-BlogHer

I don’t spend a lot of time complaining about religion. Usually, I just don’t see the point. Religion is so big and broad and amorphous. One person’s going-to-synogogue-on-Saturday is another person’s whipping-kids-for-talking-back. One person’s giving-to-charitable-causes is another person’s picketing-the-funerals-of-gay-soldiers. Just try to get two people to agree on the nature, purpose or value of “religion.” But some things are just plain hard to swallow — in a universal sense. And, ever since that conversation with my daughter, the “gender” of God is one of them. Rarely, if ever, do children hear “Her” as a pronoun or “Mother” as a descriptor for God. Even “It” — which is the gender-neutral way that Muslims describe Allah in Arabic — sounds completely foreign to us.

This isn’t to say, of course, that all religions conceptualize God as a man. They don’t — not literally anyway.

Christianity describes God as a Trinity: the father (God), the son (Jesus) and the Holy Spirit (who the heck knows). The Catechism of the Catholic Church makes clear that “God is neither man nor woman.” Yet, that statement is immediately followed by: “He is God.”

There’s that He again.

Similarly, in Sikhism, Guru Granth Sahib is known for saying God was indescribable, but then the guru repeatedly referred to this indescribable being as “He” and “Father.” Even Hindus, which have goddesses out the yin-yang, still describe their top god — Brahma — in entirely masculine terms. Judaism’s God is, perhaps, the least manly of the bunch. Still, though, Jews — like Christians — are pretty tied to the language of the Torah/Old Testament. And, there, as we know too well, references to God are overwhelmingly male-dominated.

I Googled “God” today, and guess how many images of women came up?

Now, let me be clear: I am not weighing in on the debate over whether God is a man, woman, both or neither. That is one debate that will always be completely irrelevant to me personally. But there is no denying that we, as a society, continue to couch God in male terms. Even those of us who don’t believe in God do it. At very early ages, American children are encouraged to form their images of God as a man. Specifically, an old man. Even more specifically, an old man with a beard.

Now, if you’re a little boy, this is probably a nonissue. No big deal. Completely innocuous. But if you’re a girl — well, one need only look at the conversation with my daughter to see that the distinction is a huge deal. Just huge.

When girls hear — and they all hear it — that the entity in charge of the whole universe, the one who has all the power, is a boy (more boy than girl, at the very least!) it changes things for her. It gives her a new perspective on her life and life in general. It limits her. It may even sadden her.

And that — on a very personal level — saddens me.

I dare say, it should sadden us all.

Anyone else have similar experiences or thoughts on this? If so, I’d really love to hear them.


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