OMG ~ I am in such horrible pain!
I guess part of what’s got me feeling so cranky lately is that the pain which is focused in my hip and radiates over the whole left side of my body ~ from my fingers down to my ankle (oh ~ my elbow!) ~ is back.
I used to live with this pain night and day for years and years, but not long after the divorce, when things started settling down for me so that I was no longer chronically stressed, it went away completely ~ and I finally felt good for the first time in over a decade.
It’s amazing how quickly I got used to feeling good ~ and after a year or more of not aching constantly ~ I am to the point that I actually EXPECT to feel good.
So now, I’ve turned into a total wimp. The pain is back and rather than suck it up and ignore the pain and just go on with my life ~ I want to curl up in my bed and cry, “Ouch ~ I hurt!”
Like a fricken baby. You know, the way some men act when they’re sick ~ like, Oh poor me ~ I’m going to die. And the women just roll their eyes and think ~ Whatever, dude.
It used to be that I seriously could not understand what everyone was whining about when they got a little cold or pulled a muscle or other minor injury ~ and they’re acting like they’re experiencing the fires of hell or something ~ I always wanted to say, “What are you bitching about? So you don’t feel good ~ get over it.” I couldn’t understand why these people couldn’t just ignore their discomfort and go about their business like I did.
But ~ now that I’ve enjoyed the privilege of having a pain-free body for an extended period of time ~ all of the sudden now, I cannot ignore the pain in my left side. I’m taking Tylenol, and I’ve got the heating pad out, I’m soaking in hot baths ~ just totally babying myself. I even called up Mimi and whined to her ~ knowing that she already has her own problems to deal with and really doesn’t need me adding my complaints to her list of stuff to bring her down. Ugh ~ how could I do that to her?
I am just freaking myself out with my inability to handle this pain. Now that I know what it’s like to feel good ~ I WANT TO FEEL GOOD.
Oh ~ and hurting like I am keeps me from sleeping well so is affecting my ability to think too ~ so if what I’ve written here makes no sense and doesn’t actually have anything to do with male privilege or whatever point I was going to make ~ well, sorry. I’ll do better some other time.