Quoting Quiverfull: “Immoral” Decision?

I know someone who was raised with a severely retarded, autistic older brother. She didn’t learn to love him or be selfless. She learned that no one would give her sympathy and would often outright blame her for being upset at him, when he destroyed her property, physically hurt and threatened her, and his presence prevented her from doing things she wanted to do (i.e., couldn’t go places without him so thus couldn’t go at all.) She also learned that her needs came a distant second to his, always.

I get the impression that the “testimony” of being strong in faith in adversity and the “reward” of a string of neurotypical children is more important to the writer than the acutal needs of any of the actual children.

I grew up with someone who had a special needs sibling, tho in her case she had mild mental regression. I wonder if Kay’s children with disabilities are teens yet? That’s when autism can get ugly and the kids are too powerful to be controlled if they get violent. It’s not fun to be the younger sibling of a special-needs child. I can’t imagine what it’s like to have 3!

My nephew was seriously disabled and his care utterly consumed the family. He died at the age of 12 and I don’t think he ever had any awareness of what was going on around him. People with special needs are not tools for salvation. I’m sick and tired of it!

Having disabled children entails giving and sacrifice, and one of those sacrifices is realizing that these children need more care, more time than “normal” kids. Therefore the most unselfish thing you can do is stop having further children in order to give the kids you do have a shot at life.

To be honest, while I can’t say I agree with her words, I agree with the idea that it is wrong to criticize someone for having more children just because some of them have disabilities. It’s also wrong to assume that a child with a disability would be better off dead, or better off not being born in the first place. At the same time, I think it’s wrong to shame anyone who has an abortion because they are aware that the fetus has a disability. Raising a child, regardless of ability, is a great responsibility that no one should have to accept unwillingly.

And yes, it’s true that children with autism can be difficult to raise. However, with the right kind of support, they can live healthy, satisfying lives. Unfortunately, in many societies, including U.S. society, parents (especially the mother) are expected to raise their children without asking for any kind of help. But that’s changing–caretakers of people with disabilities can now apply for respite, which is time off from looking after their charges.

It was once thought that people with autism irredeemable, that they would always be a burden on family and society, and that they could never contribute to society. But such thinking is incorrect. While there are indeed some people with autism who cannot live independently at all, this is rare. Most can and do live with at least some degree of independence. But again, support is key.

However, the quoted does not sound like she truly supports her children with disabilities. It’s almost like she feels as though her first three children were those she “lost,” and that God made it up to her–as he did with Job–by giving her three more “normal” children.

You are missing the point. It’s not that she shouldn’t have more children *because they might have disabilities* it’s that by bringing more children into her family, she is *shorting the needs of ALL of her children.* The three oldest, who are not just autistic (which you address) but mentally retarded (a whole different level of needed support and limitations, which you do not address.) They now have 1/2 the attention they had because for every disabled child there is now a neurotypical one. And the needs of the three youngest will always be put behind the needs of the disabled ones – you can see that already as their mother praises their “selflessness.”

And it sounds like she’s planning on having yet more children, who may or may not be special needs, taking that much more time and attention from this woman.

This is not at all about discussion whether a woman should choose to bear a disabled child. This is a discussion about a mother who has made choices that hurt all of her children and considers her actions moral – despite her own mother’s proclamations otherwise.

SAO, your statement about God blessing contraception-free, drunken hookups made me laugh out loud. Yes, yes, yes… if pregnancy were truly something God takes an active hand in–always–then why do one-night stands result in unwanted pregnancies and loving, God-fearing couples remain infertile?

No, you’re not. I despise her ableist attitude toward the three disabled children. And I look down harshly on that kind of thinking, usually reminding such thinkers of Hitler’s atrocities to the disabled community. Disabled (myself included) people are “the lost” huh? She is indeed unfit to have children, let alone disabled one.