Quoting Quiverfull: A Girl’s “List”?

Debi Pearl of No Greater Joy in a video about preparing for marriage – A Girl’s List – Preparing To Be A Helpmeet.

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Is “Malish” a real word?

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QUOTING QUIVERFULL is a regular feature of NLQ – we present the actual words of noted Quiverfull leaders and ask our readers: What do you think? Agree? Disagree? This is the place to state your opinion. Please, let’s keep it respectful – but at the same time, we encourage readers to examine the ideas of Quiverfull honestly and thoughtfully.

NLQ Recommended Reading …

Breaking Their Will: Shedding Light on Religious Child Maltreatment‘ by Janet Heimlich

Quivering Daughters‘ by Hillary McFarland

Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement‘ by Kathryn Joyce



About Suzanne Calulu
  • SJ Reidhead

    OMG! Ignorant, repulsive – Men are called by God, even abusers. You get a man if you are the kind of help-mate you are called to be. I guess that explains why I’m not married.

  • pibaba

    ten years ago, i would have inhaled this.
    five years ago, i still would have inhaled this.

    today, i just cringe. and my stomach starts to hurt.
    honestly, the girl/young woman appears very ‘together’– she articulates herself well, seems genuinely intelligent and just nice, even though she’s basically just quoting the ‘right things’ to look for in a man as per conservative/Pearl ideology.

    Debi creeps me out– i think it’s her constant affirmation of the young woman’s list. It’s almost like if Debi always affirms what’s ‘right’, the girl will never veer off track. She seems paranoid and bit wound up, lol.

    But my gut wonders—- even though Debi and this woman seem to AGREE, I’m wondering if they’re really cut from the same cloth– again, the woman seems less manipulative (in this video/at this time in her life) than Debi’s manner in her book and in the video. Idk– like there’s an intelligence that might one day turn into self-thought and an analytic questioning. hopefully.

    at least, that’s what happened to me :D
    also, it disgusts me how Debi gives her ‘three types of men’ 1) passes on being complete assholes (if he’s a king, he won’t be kind or considerate! — she says this!!!) OR 2) doesn’t expect them to have figured out how to manage their natural tendencies towards not having steady work (visionaries) or spending time with the kids (Mr. Steady— although wouldn’t that be something a steady man would do?! Whaaa.)

    It’s dispicable. Hell yes, I’m going to expect “my man” to be kind, considerate, spend time with us, have decent work, (not the Bible studies, lol)… that’s basic stuff. Gosh, Debi, expect more of who you’re going to spend your life with.

  • Madame

    you get a man if you are prepared to be a doormat, bend over backwards to please him, and if you are prepared to step up to every responsibility he lets fall on your head. Debi even mentioned holding down a job so he can “be a prophet”

    Repulsive indeed!

  • Madame

    That video was painful to watch. Goodnes! Debi is so RUDE! How many times did she interrupt Kerstin?

    I agree with making a list for ourselves. Who do I want to be? Does this person fit into that picture? Of course, Debi doesn’t mean it that way, but I think she had the potential of making a very good point and ruined it, as usual.
    Christian girls are taught that they are incomplete and that they should find a man that will be the perfect “leader”, so girls are making these lists, like Kerstin did.

    I also agree that women (and men) should only marry a person they can respect for who they are. Too many people marry a “potentially great” person, and make them their project. My husband and I both did that, and it’s taken us years to realize that people only change when they want to and we each have the right to be who we are. It’s unfair for a woman to expect her man to become that perfect, saintly leader, that knows her every need before she voices it, and it’s unfair for her to expect him to pull the thing out of the bottom of the drawer without pulling everything else out too, BUT, she doesn’t have to enable laziness, poor treatment of her or of their children.

    As usual, Debi shows no respect whatsoever for men or women. Men just ARE like that, can’t and won’t change, and shouldn’t be expected to, and women don’t have a personality, they develop whatever personality the man needs. Or better said, women should enable their men to do whatever the man feels is his “calling”.
    And, as usual, Debi justifies Michael’s lack of respect for her as mere manly attributes that he can’t change and shouldn’t be expected to, and in doing that, makes stupid generalizations about men. Not all men leave a mess behind themselves. Get that, Debi, many WILL pick up after themselves.

    As with anything else Debi says or writes, it takes a lot of weeding to find the flower. It’s not worth it.

    ETA: I wonder what happened to Debi’s right arm. Is that a birth mark, a bruise, a burn?

  • pibaba

    “As with anything else Debi says or writes, it takes a lot of weeding to find the flower. It’s not worth it.”


  • https://www.facebook.com/jean.hoehn/info?collection_token=1524166867%3A2327158227%3A35 Phatchick

    OMG! Gag me with a spork!

  • NeaDods

    I only made it as far as the part where Debi flat-out said that one man could not earn a good living *and* be kind and compassionate *and* be a churchgoing man.

    Every single male in my family would disagree strenuously with that. So would every guy I’m friends with.

  • Independent Thinker

    Malish – raised without manners

  • dudelette

    Debi must have gotten dinner on the table late and Michael had to impress on her how difficult it makes his life when dinner is ten minutes longer arriving than usual.

  • Trollface McGee

    Ok, so now we know Michael is incapable of opening drawers, and realising that muddy boots need to be taken off in the house – the man doesn’t need blind obedience, he needs a competence evaluation.
    And who decides whether a man is called to do something or just delusional or abusive? I suppose if I were born with a penis and decided that I am called to sell flood insurance to dolphins, I would be deserving of a wife who would never question my “calling.”

  • Laura Turner

    My take-away after gagging, I mean. watching about half of this is that women should just discard their desires for their children’s lives and their own life and trust that God will just make it all okay when the woman caves in to her husband’s desires and “authority.” At 5I, I’ve lived long enough to see that God doesn’t just step in and wave His wand and make your chlidren the perfect Christians, keep them perfectly on track, give you the perfect marriage, or fulfill you because you’ve been faithful. What a shame and a fallacy to teach women that their lives don’t matter apart from a marriage and children.