Editor’s note: No where in this article does the author come out and give that hoary old untrue Christian trope about giving away pieces of your heart, but it’s a close thing. Sounds like her idea of courtship does not involve developing feelings or attraction to a guy, it sounds more like an extended job interview.
Here are two of the strangest points of her breakdown of dating vs courtship.
- Question: “How would you feel if your boyfriend began dating another girl while you two were together?”
- Answer: “I would consider him a cheat. In an exclusive relationship, for a guy to date another girl is to be unfaithful to his girlfriend.”
- Question: “How would you feel if the guy pursuing you began dating another girl at the same time he is pursuing you?”
- Answer: “Well I would not consider it cheating or an act of unfaithfulness as we are not together or a couple. However, if he had communicated serious interest in me I would probably not allow him to pursue me any more as I would see that he is not interested in me enough. Also, I would probably feel a bit disappointed, sad, let-down and hurt as I would feel as if he had lead me on. Why pursue me and communicate serious interest if he liked me so little as to consider someone else at the same time? His behaviour would put me off.”
Biblically, since a girl is single until she is betrothed/married, a guy can’t cheat on her or be unfaithful to her as they never BELONGED to each other in the first place. However, it does not mean it’s kind, loving or Christ-like for a man to pursue a woman and then pursue someone else at the same time (especially if he had communicated serious interest in her). When courting a woman, a guy will usually choose to not pursue anyone else. This is not because they are “in an exclusive relationship” or because they are a “couple” but because it would be discourteous.
- Question: “How far do you think is too far to go physically with your boyfriend?”
- Answer: “Doing anything that is sexual such as touching private parts etc.”
- Question: “How far do you think is too far to go physically with the man pursuing you?”
- Answer: “Doing anything that I would not do with any other man in church such as walking for long periods hand in hand or kissing. Basically any touch that signifies romantic ownership in our culture.”
Biblically, since the category “boyfriend” does not exist, the physical boundaries are the same as with any other neighbour or friend. Holding hands for long periods of time in most western cultures is a sign that two people BELONG to each other. It follows that in most western countries when a guy courts a woman he wouldn’t hold her hand.
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