Pagan Light Bulb Jokes!

I will take a break from my Feritribe because I was totally inspired by Julie Maldonado’s post to share these with you. You’ll thank me later.

I made some of them up, which probably says a lot about me, but some of them I didn’t and if you are one of the people who originated these jokes please let me know because I will give you credit and also buy you a beer. Unless you’re a Druid, in which case I will get you a light bulb first because I am short.

That remark will seem funnier in a minute. Meanwhile, we begin with one that was probably first told about ten minutes after Gardner first initiated anybody:

Q. How many Gardnerians does it take to change a light bulb?
A. I can’t tell you that, it’s a Craft secret.

Q. How many Alexandrians does it take to change a light bulb?
A. …..What did the Gardnerian say?

Q. How many Dianics does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Light bulbs are a patriarchal institution.

Q. How many family traditionalists?
A. A candle was good enough for my grandmother, and it’s good enough for me!

Q. How many Ceremonialists?
A. Just one, for he is alone in his splendor; he holds the light bulb aloft, and the entire Universe revolves around him in all his power and glory!

Q. How many Heathens?
A. We’re not afraid of the dark like the rest of you wimps.

Q. How many Druids?
A. Twelve, a traditional number according to research. One of them holds up the light bulb and the rest drink until the room spins.

Q. How many eclectics does it take to change a light bulb?
A. How many have you got?

Q. How many chaotes?
A. Oops.

Q. How many Feris?
A. The dark is under-appreciated.

Q. How many Reclaiming witches?
A. We don’t have consensus on that.

And finally, how many solitaries does it take to change a light bulb?
-Just stare at them until they get it.

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About Sara Amis

Sara Amis writes fiction, poetry, non-fiction, and rants. She is a Faery initiate who kicks it old-school, a member of Hellbender Coven, and has many opinions. Her work has appeared in Datura, Jabberwocky, Lilith Queen of the Desert, Witches and Pagans, Moon Milk Review, A Mantle of Stars, and her blog, the Consequence of Chance. Her poem series The Sophia Leaves Text Messages was published as an artist's book by Papaveria Press. She teaches Tarot and magic sometimes.