Pagan and Pro-Choice

Also see Galina Krasskova’s and K.C. Hulsman‘s posts on abortion.

I once planned to have an abortion. I didn’t need to but I don’t regret it. I was young, my boyfriend decided to be “sneaky” and I was very poor and alone in the world. I could not have had a child then. I could not have afforded proper healthcare to ensure a healthy pregnancy. I could not have counted on my boyfriend to be anything but additional stress. So when my cycle was late I found the information for the nearest Planned Parenthood clinic and prayed I wouldn’t need to go. Thankfully I didn’t need to.

Recently someone close to me called me and asked me if I would accompany them to an abortion clinic. I assured them I would go with them and they could count on me. Like me, this person was not anti-child or anti-life, but had reached a stage in her life where having a child was a serious medical concern, as well as unwelcome. She had already raised children and they had flown the nest. She and her partner had reached a point in their life where they were beginning to look forward to retirement and grandchildren. Thankfully, it was just a false alarm.

People who are against abortion might think I’m cold. That I hate children and intend to remain childless. They couldn’t be more wrong. I love children. I have the most beautiful, smart and funny nieces and nephews in the world and that’s a fact. When I was married I wanted to start a family. After I was divorced I would not consider being a single parent. Now that I’m nearing 30 my ancestors and Gods are having me reconsider having children. I think it’s likely I will have children in the next decade if I am blessed with them.

Desiring to have children and start a family doesn’t make me anti-abortion though. I don’t regret my prior intention to have an abortion. I will support any woman who feels that is the best choice for her. We hear stories of these women who managed to live through pregnancies they never should have endured simply because they survived. You rarely hear the stories of women who don’t. I know women for whom a pregnancy would likely kill them due to medical issues. There are women who want children desperately who have had to have abortions because they had a brain dead fetus, horribly malformed, growing inside them. Abortion was the only procedure that would ensure they had the best chance possible for future pregnancies.

Children should be wanted. They should be planned for and embraced by a family who is prepared to care for them. Bringing a child into poverty, addiction and abuse is wrong. Most women intrinsically understand that. It’s one of the reasons violent crime decreased 15 years after Roe V. Wade. There were simply fewer children brought into a world that wasn’t prepared for them and couldn’t care for them. Though anti-abortion advocates praise the virtues of adoption, these abortions wouldn’t have resulted in children anyone wants to adopt.

There are lots of children in the world who need to be adopted. They’re the kids no one wants. Kids from the ghettos. Kids with disabilities. Kids who’ve been shuffled around in foster care and don’t know what it means to have a real family. Kids who come from backgrounds of abuse, neglect and addiction. People who adopt want to adopt the kid from the blue-eyed blonde cheerleader who got in a family way in her senior year. They want to adopt children from Malawi, China or some other country so far away that it seems benevolent to raise the child of a rice farmer with a Wii and hamburgers. Brangelina didn’t adopt any Katrina orphans, and most of the people wringing their hands and clutching their pearls over abortion have no interest in caring for the very “least of these” born addicted, neglected and consigned to foster care.

One day I will have a child. Maybe two or three. That doesn’t mean that someday I might not have an abortion. I cannot see what the future holds and I refuse to allow a medical procedure to be outlawed that may one day save my life and protect my fertility. We will not go back to back alley coat-hangers. We will not consign women to shady doctors who may cost them their life and fertility. We will choose life, respect life and recognize it is a responsibility. Becoming pregnant isn’t a sign of virtue but being prepared to raise a healthy child is.

About Star Foster

Polytheistic Wiccan initiated into the Ravenwood tradition, she has many opinions. Some of them are actually useful.

  • Sara A

    Right on.

  • Sara A

    Right on.

  • The Norse Alchemist

    Not sure I completely agree, but I will give you points for not putting it in the black and white mode that so many often do.

  • The Norse Alchemist

    Not sure I completely agree, but I will give you points for not putting it in the black and white mode that so many often do.

  • http://snoozepossum.blogspot.com/ Snoozepossum

    Good post. Too many people want to, as Norse Alchemist put it, cast the whole issue in stark black and white when it rarely is either.

    More bumper sticker philosophy, but it sums it up for me so well:

    “If you can’t trust her with a choice, how can you trust her with a baby?”

    “If the fetus you save turns out to be gay, will you still fight for it’s rights?”

  • http://snoozepossum.blogspot.com/ Snoozepossum

    Good post. Too many people want to, as Norse Alchemist put it, cast the whole issue in stark black and white when it rarely is either.

    More bumper sticker philosophy, but it sums it up for me so well:

    “If you can’t trust her with a choice, how can you trust her with a baby?”

    “If the fetus you save turns out to be gay, will you still fight for it’s rights?”

  • P. Sufenas Virius Lupus

    Very good stuff here, Star!

    My main objection to abortion (though I am pro-choice) is when some very irresponsible people use abortion as their preferred form of birth control, rather than other things like condoms, birth control pills, or just having some other form of sex to get their boyfriends off. Having one “accident” of that sort is understandable, and then taking better precautions in the future should result. But, one shouldn’t end up having three or more abortions because one didn’t learn one’s lesson the first time. Yes, that is a judgment, but I think it’s a fair one.

    It is sad that abortion has to be an issue for anyone, and when it has to occur, it’s something which should not be shuffled off as “nothing,” in my opinion. A full period of mourning for the end of the possibility in that one life is the only thing that I can think would be proper and fitting in such a circumstance; and yet, far too many people in the pro-abortion (as opposed to just “pro-choice”–there is a difference) crowd talk about the zygote/embryo/fetus as if it is a parasitic organism and little more than something like a fungus that just has to be stamped out with aggressive treatment options, rather than as a living being. Just because it’s living doesn’t mean it can’t be killed; but, if something is killed, it should be properly honored in one’s doing so, in my opinion.

    • Galina Krasskova

      I agree with you, particularly about mourning the death of the fetus. I think honoring that passage, honoring that spirit is a very good thing. It isn’t “nothing” and i’ve known people who honor the spirit of the child-who-would-have-been on their ancestor altars. there’s no regret there, but an acknowledgement of a very necessary and conscious choice. I’ve helped women in the past construct grieving/mourning rituals for child they’ve aborted or miscarried and it is an immensely powerful thing that in no way negates their right to choose.

  • P. Sufenas Virius Lupus

    Very good stuff here, Star!

    My main objection to abortion (though I am pro-choice) is when some very irresponsible people use abortion as their preferred form of birth control, rather than other things like condoms, birth control pills, or just having some other form of sex to get their boyfriends off. Having one “accident” of that sort is understandable, and then taking better precautions in the future should result. But, one shouldn’t end up having three or more abortions because one didn’t learn one’s lesson the first time. Yes, that is a judgment, but I think it’s a fair one.

    It is sad that abortion has to be an issue for anyone, and when it has to occur, it’s something which should not be shuffled off as “nothing,” in my opinion. A full period of mourning for the end of the possibility in that one life is the only thing that I can think would be proper and fitting in such a circumstance; and yet, far too many people in the pro-abortion (as opposed to just “pro-choice”–there is a difference) crowd talk about the zygote/embryo/fetus as if it is a parasitic organism and little more than something like a fungus that just has to be stamped out with aggressive treatment options, rather than as a living being. Just because it’s living doesn’t mean it can’t be killed; but, if something is killed, it should be properly honored in one’s doing so, in my opinion.

    • Galina Krasskova

      I agree with you, particularly about mourning the death of the fetus. I think honoring that passage, honoring that spirit is a very good thing. It isn’t “nothing” and i’ve known people who honor the spirit of the child-who-would-have-been on their ancestor altars. there’s no regret there, but an acknowledgement of a very necessary and conscious choice. I’ve helped women in the past construct grieving/mourning rituals for child they’ve aborted or miscarried and it is an immensely powerful thing that in no way negates their right to choose.

  • FosterMom

    “There are lots of children in the world who need to be adopted. They’re the kids no one wants. Kids from the ghettos. Kids with disabilities. Kids who’ve been shuffled around in foster care and don’t know what it means to have a real family. Kids who come from backgrounds of abuse, neglect and addiction.”

    I am a foster parent for Delaware and have had many of the above children…all great kids and all are back with family members or have been successfully adopted. They are of many colors, and all have had some form of abuse, neglect or exposed to addiction. Some have had disabilities and yes been shuffled, yet ALL have shown a love of life. YES THEY ARE GLAD TO BE PART OF LIFE. I even had one little girl tell me that I could never give her what her mom gave her…birth!
    I am glad I have these wonderful “unwanted” kids. I am just one of many such foster parents….cause we know that EVERY CHILD is precious and deserves to be born.

  • FosterMom

    “There are lots of children in the world who need to be adopted. They’re the kids no one wants. Kids from the ghettos. Kids with disabilities. Kids who’ve been shuffled around in foster care and don’t know what it means to have a real family. Kids who come from backgrounds of abuse, neglect and addiction.”

    I am a foster parent for Delaware and have had many of the above children…all great kids and all are back with family members or have been successfully adopted. They are of many colors, and all have had some form of abuse, neglect or exposed to addiction. Some have had disabilities and yes been shuffled, yet ALL have shown a love of life. YES THEY ARE GLAD TO BE PART OF LIFE. I even had one little girl tell me that I could never give her what her mom gave her…birth!
    I am glad I have these wonderful “unwanted” kids. I am just one of many such foster parents….cause we know that EVERY CHILD is precious and deserves to be born.

  • FosterMom

    “There are lots of children in the world who need to be adopted. They’re the kids no one wants. Kids from the ghettos. Kids with disabilities. Kids who’ve been shuffled around in foster care and don’t know what it means to have a real family. Kids who come from backgrounds of abuse, neglect and addiction.”

    I am a foster parent for Delaware and have had many of the above children…all great kids and all are either back with family members or have been successfully adopted. They are of many colors, and all have had some form of abuse, neglect or exposure to addiction. Some have had disabilities and have been shuffled, yet ALL have shown a love of life. YES, THEY ARE GLAD TO BE PART OF LIFE. I even had one little girl tell me that I could never give her what her mom gave her…birth!
    I am glad I have these wonderful “unwanted” kids. I am just one of many such foster parents….cause we know that EVERY CHILD is precious and deserves to be born.

  • FosterMom

    “There are lots of children in the world who need to be adopted. They’re the kids no one wants. Kids from the ghettos. Kids with disabilities. Kids who’ve been shuffled around in foster care and don’t know what it means to have a real family. Kids who come from backgrounds of abuse, neglect and addiction.”

    I am a foster parent for Delaware and have had many of the above children…all great kids and all are either back with family members or have been successfully adopted. They are of many colors, and all have had some form of abuse, neglect or exposure to addiction. Some have had disabilities and have been shuffled, yet ALL have shown a love of life. YES, THEY ARE GLAD TO BE PART OF LIFE. I even had one little girl tell me that I could never give her what her mom gave her…birth!
    I am glad I have these wonderful “unwanted” kids. I am just one of many such foster parents….cause we know that EVERY CHILD is precious and deserves to be born.

  • http://twitter.com/thesilverspiral Naya Aerodiode

    http://www.imnotsorry.net – some powerful voices from women who have had abortions and are not sorry about it. There is no need to feel shame for making the right choice for your life.

  • http://twitter.com/thesilverspiral Naya Aerodiode

    http://www.imnotsorry.net – some powerful voices from women who have had abortions and are not sorry about it. There is no need to feel shame for making the right choice for your life.

  • Crissyangel09

    I completely agree…..the real issue is making sure whatever decision you make is the right one for you! As long as there is thought and real reason, and you can live with the consequences.

    I have never been in a position to consider an abortion, I don’t know what I would do, but the most important part is that there is a choice, a womans choice. I have 2 beautiful children and a loving stable home, if things were different, then my decisions would have been different.
    Brightest blessings x)O(x

  • Crissyangel09

    I completely agree…..the real issue is making sure whatever decision you make is the right one for you! As long as there is thought and real reason, and you can live with the consequences.

    I have never been in a position to consider an abortion, I don’t know what I would do, but the most important part is that there is a choice, a womans choice. I have 2 beautiful children and a loving stable home, if things were different, then my decisions would have been different.
    Brightest blessings x)O(x

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ashley-Townsend/100001486611617 Ashley Townsend

    It is a confusing subject I think, abortion or not. I have to say I was 17 with my first child and I kept her. I have to say it was not easy. I was poor, I was alone to. But I love her I worked harder then most young moms at that age. I can’t even imagine what my world would be like with out her. Second pregnancy same deal just bad luck with guys but you know both my girls I would give my life for and if I had to make the choice again I wouldn’t of had it any other way. I think “I was young, my boyfriend decided to be “sneaky” and I was very poor and alone in the world” Is just a way of getting out of responsibilities and a sad way at that. Now on the other hand if a pregnancy was to threaten your life or a rape victim, I would support a decision on abortion.
    To Foster Mom,
    I was raised around foster children this woman mentioned in her post. I give all respect to people like you and my auntie that take them kids in because yes they deserve to be born and they are wonderful kids that just need to be loved.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ashley-Townsend/100001486611617 Ashley Townsend

    It is a confusing subject I think, abortion or not. I have to say I was 17 with my first child and I kept her. I have to say it was not easy. I was poor, I was alone to. But I love her I worked harder then most young moms at that age. I can’t even imagine what my world would be like with out her. Second pregnancy same deal just bad luck with guys but you know both my girls I would give my life for and if I had to make the choice again I wouldn’t of had it any other way. I think “I was young, my boyfriend decided to be “sneaky” and I was very poor and alone in the world” Is just a way of getting out of responsibilities and a sad way at that. Now on the other hand if a pregnancy was to threaten your life or a rape victim, I would support a decision on abortion.
    To Foster Mom,
    I was raised around foster children this woman mentioned in her post. I give all respect to people like you and my auntie that take them kids in because yes they deserve to be born and they are wonderful kids that just need to be loved.


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