I Reject White Chocolate (Among Other Things)

I don’t think it’s actually chocolate at all. Someone wasted some sugar by mixing it in some paraffin just so they could make a buck passing it off as candy.

There is an imposter lurking among us.

White chocolate is simply the most vile confectionery known to humankind. I do not accept it as a valid member of the chocolate family, I do not tolerate it in my home and I reject it outright.

I without reservation reject that Chris Noth as Mr. Big was a better partner for Carrie Bradshaw than John Corbett as Aidan Shaw. Acting ability aside, John Corbett is simply far sexier than Chris Noth, and Sex and the City was not the same without him.

I reject snakes, with the exception of king snakes. King snakes eat other snakes so I tolerate them, but will never accept them.

I reject that Quinn survived the car crash on Glee. I doubly reject that she was able to walk after the accident. Why Ryan Murphy insists on dumping her into a pile of manure only to have her walk out clean and crisp as Grace Kelly time after time is beyond me. Quinn dying would have made a better storyline.

I reject that Wal*Mart sells out of Arizona’s Rx Stress Relief tea quickly every time they stock it, and yet they only stock it infrequently. Dude, no one wants the nasty Arnold Palmer stuff.

I reject the new Dune books. They are like fanfic, and not close to being on par with Frank Herbert’s original series.

Oh and John Beckett was one of the few who got the gist of my I Reject Jesus Christ post. I thoroughly enjoyed his response.

I also reject the fact that living in small town leaves you with a crappy ISP monopoly. I shouldn’t lose internet service just because it’s drizzly out. Maybe I’ll write something of substance tomorrow.

About Star Foster

Polytheistic Wiccan initiated into the Ravenwood tradition, she has many opinions. Some of them are actually useful.

  • Vision_From_Afar

    Hail and down with the interweb monopolies!

  • Simon Jadis

    I love snakes, and I like white chocolate, but I LOVE and agree with your statement on those terrible new Dune books. I tried to read one, and my response was exactly like yours: “It’s like reading Dune fanfic. BAD Dune fanfic.” From a third-person limited perspective, one would never think that a mentat “has a mind like a computer,” because the people of the Dune universe do not have that point of reference. I was so disgusted that I have never tried to read another new one since, I have never regretted it.

    • http://www.patheos.com/ Star Foster

       Yeah, I tried because I love love Dune so ferociously, but it just wasn’t good. Even the marvelousness that is Erasmus could not make up for how bad it is.

      I would seriously read a series of books on a robot trying to understand and master human imagination and creativity, especially when it involves senseless blood and gore.

  • Phoebe

    I stopped watching tv after Northern Exposure ended. John Corbett is the stuff my dreams are made of. We need a Sex and the Country for pagan girls. Really.

    • http://www.patheos.com/ Star Foster

       Northern Exposure is the best tv show ever.

  • Jennifer Ramon

    Hey, *I* like and drink the nasty Arnold Palmer stuff.  Not from Arizona, though; Sweet Leaf our of Austin is where it’s at.

    • http://www.patheos.com/ Star Foster

       Please come buy it all here in GA! It just lingers on the shelf.

      Sweet Leaf is amazing. Their mint & honey tea is to die for!

  • Rod

    It’s a shame your opinion of white chocolate has been tainted by that awful “white confection” that candy companies try to pass off as chocolate.  Usually they don’t call it chocolate, probably because they can’t legally do so. Real white chocolate (which I have to admit I’m not as fond of as darker varieties) is made from cocoa butter, and fairly tasty. Try a Lindor, Godiva, or other higher end white chocolate, no one (but my sister) likes the stuff that they can’t even legally call chocolate.

    • http://www.patheos.com/ Star Foster

       Maybe I’ll have a talk with my local high quality chocolate confectioner.

    • VorJack

      It’s interesting that Cooks Illustrated did a tasting of white chocolate chips and determined that the best brand was actually the one that used zero cocoa butter.  Guittard’s “Choc-Au-Lai,” which they cannot legally call chocolate.

  • Mark Horr

    The bakery I work at refuses to deal in white chocolate. Stand strong Star!

    • http://www.patheos.com/ Star Foster

       I wanna work at a bakery that rejects the evil that is white chocolate!

      • Mark Horr

        Haha. If you ever end up in Sacramento looking for a job I’ll set it up for you.

  • happydog

    I reject white chocolate with you, Soror! I REJECT IT with enthusiasm and fierceness! I fly in the face of white chocolate and tear at its eyes with my talons! Curse it! Curse it! Curse it! 

    (Seriously: I hate the stuff.)

  • http://www.patheos.com/ Star Foster

    I hear the real white chocolate is part of an enlightened Essene commune the heralds the age of Aquarius!

  • Gill


    I completely and 100% support youI’ve said the same thing over and over ALL my life
    that sh*t’s not chocolate!Gill.