Why do Christians go to church… LOL WUT?

I was checking the recent search term results to this website a few days back.  That’s when I came across this ‘gem’.


why do christians go to church if they fucking saposed to hear jesus voice

I laughed pretty hard at the absurd search term. I’m not really sure how I’m saposed to answer this question. The thought of someone typing that into Google as if they expected to learn the answer to that question is also peculiar. A very silly drunk person, I sapose.

I guess I can kind of apply a beer-filter and guess at what they were trying to say. I think they might have been referring to “church” solely as a place to pray to and worship Jesus. In this context, it follows that this is indeed something that Christians could stay home to do. But the rituals, traditions, and community based functions of Church are more than just ‘talking to Jesus’. Thus, the question ceases to be coherent.

So all that’s left is the absurd question and the cute spelling of ‘supposed’. Still, it made me laugh, and I thought I’d share.

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  • Robin

    Here’s 5 reasons Christians go to church.

    5. They need something to do in the morning before the Mall opens.

    4. It uplifts their spirits to drive their Lexus through the poor neighborhood their church is in.

    3. They can’t wait to show how much money they can put in the collection plate.

    2. They want to show off their fancy “Sunday go to Meeting” clothes.

    1. Christians go to church because it is the only place they have a chance in Hell that Jesus would speak to them. He wouldn’t have anything to do with them if he saw them on the street.

  • Michael Marble

    One change….those who do not follow Jesus, but want to feel good by attending Church, would fill all of these reasons. Christians go to Church to learn about God. There are no other reasons than that. But keep trying

    • Well then why go to church at all? Aren’t you saposed to learn about god from the bible?

      You just defeated all of the defenses I put up on YOUR BEHALF. You were outwitted by a drunken google search. Congrats.

  • Mr. B.

    Church is about fellowshipping with other believers, and engaging in certain activities communally. Christians are commanded to do this in the Bible. At Church, Christians pray, worship, learn, and grow together. Your question – “Aren’t you saposed to learn about god from the bible?” is akin to asking college students if they are supposed to learn course material from their textbook. Yes, the text is of primary importance, but it is difficult – if not impossible – to learn for many people without spending time discussing it with other students of said text, and without the guidance & instruction of those who are more familiar with the text, such as Professors, Teachers (Sunday School & otherwise), and Pastors. Having the text doesn’t negate the need for teachers. In fact, quite the opposite – it makes teachers more necessary.
    “For where two or three are gathered together in my name, I am there in the midst of them.”
    Matthew 18:20
    “And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the day approaching.”
    Hebrews 10:24-25
    “So Philip ran to him, and heard him reading the prophet Isaiah, and said, ‘Do you understand what you are reading?’ And he said, ‘How can I, unless someone guides me?’ And he asked Philip to come up and sit with him.”
    Acts 8:30-31

  • Church is where you are equipped and empowered to be a blesser, comforter to the world.

    The Church is a progressive movement with a global agenda, every Christian has a heavenly manifesto assigned to them, ‘to be fruitful, multiply and replenish the earth’. The Bible tells us that the earth is of the lord and all that is in it, He created it and has put us overseers over the land.

    The Church equips each individual with the knowledge of the purpose of God to every life, nobody is created by mistake and every person has been sent on earth for one mission or the other, hence our talents and gifting’s. To some He gave one, to some He gave five. You become aware of the awesome power within you, to build, to bless, to be proactive in every way.

    The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me, to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners Ish 61:1

    • WTF is that saposed to mean, really?

      He gave one, five… heavenly manifesto about being fruitful (in church?)… I wish my Chaplain buddies were here to interpret your comment.