Everybody needs to wish Assassin Actual ‘get well soon’

This was actually sent out to a lot of people by someone in the Army. I’ll spare identifying details, but you deserve +1 internets.

It’s pretty funny, and it got our attention. Apparently people are succumbing to the Norovirus left and right. The warning message about this outbreak might have just been ignored by many people. We get weird stuff in our inbox all the time.

Anyway, I’ve just received confirmation that one of my fellow FtB’ers, Assassin Actual has Norovirus. He said it was awful. Our conversation was cut short because he was suffering from a bit of nausea.

I recommended laying down, relaxing, and watching Human Centipede 2.

I’m probably going to get Norovirus myself for being a bastard. Sorry, buddy! Get well soon.

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  • sithrazer

    I can’t say for sure if it was Norovirus, but I’ve been in the position of the stick figure in that image. Fortunately I had a toilet under me and a bucket in front of me. The warning is a gross understatement.

  • I had this several years ago. It was horrible. I had a terrible stomach ache while driving home from work. It was so bad I thought I was going to have to drive myself to the hospital. Suddenly the nausea hit. I had to pull over suddenly and parked in a small dark side street. I vomited so hard it made me shit my pants. Bad as that was at least I felt better. I looked around and discovered that I had parked next to the local sheriff’s station.

    There I was standing covered in shit. How the hell was I supposed to get back in my car? I looked in my car trunk and discovered a rain poncho. I covered the seat and could at least drive home with some dignity. After a quick shower and a wash for my clothes, I spent the rest of the night spewing from both ends. At least I had the toilet and a trash can.

  • Aliasalpha

    I find myself in agreement with the image, I might pass on this particular virus thanks…

  • Tree

    Norovirus has been traveling in waves around the globe for several years now. Somewhere I read that you get about 14 weeks immunity from it. I’ve noticed that once news stories begin appearing in British media, we’ve got less than two weeks on the East coast of the US. I don’t recall if the West coast has a similar relation to Australian media, but it wouldn’t surprise me, since influenza seems to appear in the West a few weeks after reports down under.

    Yes, the sudden expulsion of the entire contents of one’s GI tract is pretty…memorable…but let’s not forget the high fever, body aches and OMG, worst headache ever.

    If it’s any consolation, it seems to be less severe when it passes through again (I think I’ve had it three or four times in two years).

    It’s droplet borne so the fastest way to catch it is by being around other people who are spewing. Or coughing. Or sneezing.

    Google has Flu Tracker. I wonder if they’d consider Spew Tracker? Or something.

  • Kate from Iowa

    I wish I found this post less freakin’ hilarious, but well…I don’t. Great icon, great stories, though it’s really not funny when it’s you.

    I do agree with Tree, though. I don’t know if it’s because the second, third, forth time around you know what to expect, or if it really doesn’t affect you as badly the next time around and the next time around and the next time around.

    Last time I just slept in the bathtub.

  • tms

    Since no one else has mentioned it, I will, norovirus (formerly norwalk virus) is a food borne illness that follows the fecal-oral route. In other words, wash your hands; if for no other reason, other folks don’t.

    And just for the record, there are a number of food borne illnesses that produce the iconic symptoms, such as staph aureus, and e. coli.

    • Tree

      One would hope that hand hygiene and face avoidance (don’t touch your face!! Because!!) would be sufficient. But. I’m pretty sure that I caught it from a patient who had spewed around the corner from the ED. I waited until the patient was rescued to leave my office, but just in time for the patient to be trundled by the door as I was opening it. Patient gasped and wheezed and coughed about two feet from my face. Hand washing? I was working in the Infection Control office (reporting communicable diseases, oh the irony) so I was surrounded by hand hygiene solutions from a half dozen different vendors. Worse, my body had barely begun to regain immune competency following chemo (fyi, chemo s*cks) so I was hyper vigilant about hygiene.

      There’s no help when the air is thick with droplets.

    • Justin Griffith

      Good point. This means that Assassin Actual ate poop.

      Human Centipede 2 wasn’t that far off.

      • Kate from Iowa

        Isn’t eating poop the most common way to get it? My last bout was after eating at PF Chang’s.

  • have a very good working day