Never mind, that explains everything about the 72 virgins.

I had previously suggested that radicals that do Jihad would ‘run out of virgins’ in a matter of months.

Here is one prominent orthodoxy:

Orthodox Muslim theologians such as al-Ghazali (died 1111 CE) and al-Ash’ari (died 935 CE) have all discussed the sensual pleasures found in paradise, and they are graphically elaborated by Qur’anic commentator and polymath, al-Suyuti (died 1505). He wrote:

Each time we sleep with a Houri we find her virgin. Besides, the penis of the Elected never softens. The erection is eternal; the sensation that you feel each time you make love is utterly delicious and out of this world and were you to experience it in this world you would faint. Each chosen one [i.e. Muslim] will marry seventy [sic] houris, besides the women he married on earth, and all will have appetizing vaginas.

So if you do Jihad, make sure to seek medical attention around 4 hours after death.

This video is even more disturbing. These are Islamic scholars discussing the 72 virgins in great detail. Almost pornographic detail.

Good to know.

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  • Phillip IV

    I guess this is a vision of paradise that is perfect to rope in teenage guys, but its appeal probably drops off drastically once you reach the middle years. Still, if you’re mostly concerned to recruit martyrs, it probably works a lot better than the Christian version of Heaven: you get a room in a house with a whole lot of them, and Jesus does the room service. “Hi, I’m the son of God, can I check the minibar?”

  • progjohn

    They are all virgins, they remiain virgins forever, and they all want your attentions all the time. The catch – they are virgins as they lack the requisite orifice. It’s where the phrase “banking your head against a brick wall” comes from.

    • progjohn

      Sorry, “banging your head”, not “banking your head”!

      • Justin Griffith

        unforgivable, infidel!

        • HughWillRidmee

          And I assumed you meant “bonking”

  • Mommiest

    So, this guy’s idea of paradise is that the women in his life will never tell him when he’s being a jerk.

    And what paradise do women have waiting for them after they die? It sure isn’t this one.

  • Upright Ape

    It is really offensive how obsessed these guys are with sex. Can we bring good old Freud back from the dead to examine them?

  • Roxane

    And every time the women have to have sex with the violent, horny goat, she’ll be sore and uncomfortable until the next time. I’m hoping these houris are actually blow-up sex toys with no feelings or nerve endings.

    • Kate from Iowa

      Well, according to some of the texts, they’re 72 1/2 meters tall and 3 1/2 meters wide, so given the size of the average male organ….uh, yeah. Eternal erection or not, those particular women aren’t going to feel much of anything. It’d be like having a mildly annoying mosquito bite, or a really bad pimple on your ass.

  • oldebabe

    Well, I suppose it’s one way for the middle-aged and old men to get rid of any competition, but what’s the attraction offered to women? Or maybe they just get to die…???

  • Jack

    Myth, not even once

  • sc_2b532274835c88f405421bce9a136ab0

    A bit disturbing that that cleric was remniscient of PZ…

    • sc_2b532274835c88f405421bce9a136ab0

      Uh, only in appearance. The beard, you know…

  • anon

    All this smooth, non-menstruating, wide-eyed, submissive, eternal virgins thing seems a bit paedo-ey to me.

  • Hertta

    I didn’t realize how disgusting we earthly women are.

    • fuhcough

      Oh man, with the menstruation all over the place, the bleeding after childbirth (what’s up with that), the vaginal bleeding and disease, not to mention the piss, shit, phlegm and children! How does this guy even tolerate women’s mere existence?

  • Hercules Grytpype-Thynne

    Each one of them is so beautiful that you can see the bone-marrow through the delicate flesh on their legs.

    I know about rule 34, but bone marrow? Really?

    Free of urine, feces, phlem, children.

    There’s some serious family values talk right there.

    • Hercules Grytpype-Thynne

      “Phlegm”. Oy.

  • grumpyoldfart

    I wonder how many Muslim guys listen to that stuff and say, “Sounds pretty good?”

    I have a horrible feeling the figure will be fairly high.

  • Horn E. Goat

    Virgins, virgins, virgins… All this talk about perpetual virgins. Must be so they have nothing to compare how big a DUD our brave Jihaddi is.

    Me, I want a woman with lots of experience and a sense of adventure.

  • So these virgins never shit? I guess there are no Cleveland steamers in Heaven.

    So heaven to them is a place were all the men are suffering from priapism and are surrounded by 72 severely constipated women who have a freaky skin disease.

  • Pramod

    TIL Allah is a fucking racist, not to mention a misogynistic fuckwad who likes to chain his women to tents.

  • Art

    As one quite funny comedian pointed out: 72 virgins would be a curse; what you want is two fire-breathing whores.

    I marvel at the concept of a Muslim heaven where all the guys run round with perpetual erections. Priapism would to ruin the line of the robes they seem to favor. You can snake an erection up the waistband or down the leg of a pair of pants if they aren’t too tight but the visual effect on a glorified nightshirt would be quite startling.

    I’ve also got to wonder about the orientation of anyone who thinks that heaven is a place where every man you meet is sporting wood.

    • Steve

      As people who’ve ODed on Viagra can attest to, long lasting erections are actually painful

      I never got what’s so great about virgins. They are probably terrible in bed

  • The quote about the eternal erection is missing a citation. I dug it up on google:

    Al-Suyuti, Al-Itqan fi Ulum al-Qur’an, p. 351

    • Justin Griffith

      Pretty sure there is a citation right before the quote…

  • =8)-DX

    “menstruation-free, free of feces, urine, phlegm, children”

    Institutionalised misogyny. Women are supposedly just full of shit, while in the afterlife each man will have his legion of highly superior sex-bots.

  • stephenwaddock

    So, the bottom line of this cockroach religion is…SEX? What do the ladies have waiting for them??? Housework?

    • ollipehkonen

      I bet housework beats being the sex slave of that guy speaking. Though there might be a lot of cooking involved if the men have the appetite of 100 earthly men. On the bright side, no scrubbing the toilets…

  • Aquaria

    So, the bottom line of this cockroach religion is…SEX? What do the ladies have waiting for them??? Housework?

    Getting away from these wastes of DNA.

  • Pteryxx

    …That’s it, I’m declaring my religion to be furry. At least when they’re obsessed with sex, they’re open-minded about it!

  • Cry4turtles

    You guys are hilarious! Constipated and with skin disease! I almost fell off the couch laughing.

  • yankonapc

    The absence of phlegm distresses me. Would this include a complete absence of all mucosa? ‘Cos no perma-stiffy is going to get anywhere near inside one of his empty-eyed, foetal Ice Fleshlights without plenty of it. And if this afterlife is frictionless then you’d feel nothing for all the effort expended in thrusting. The only option without phlegm is lube, and I’d imagine the mega-sized pump-action tub you’d need for even a week’s worth of not maiming that many dried-out jellyfish would be a complete mood killer.

  • I’m almost certain the prior poster doesn’t know what he’s talking about, haha. Anyways, pretty good article and hope to read more like it soon. Hope you ahve a great holiday.

  • Rey

    Lmao Lol are u guys for real ?? That’s so pathetic gosh omw …. This is utter lies I dare you to quote which chapter n verse of the Quraan states this ???? And statements from the Shahi bhukari. And to the retards which commented here use your brain n be a progressive thinker ie. Do research !!!! Do just believe everything you read or see on the television ….. Gosh talk about lazy pathetic fools