I’m thankful that apologetics works weren’t anywhere near as numerous as they are today and didn’t hold nearly as much power over Christians’ minds as they do today, when I survey the damage done to recent deconverts by well-meaning family members with the books and videos produced by apologetics authors. Apologetics is a field specifically geared toward persuading non-believers, via arguments and reasoning, to convert. They pretend to have evidence and build a case for their religion, and non-believers are… Read more

I know I’ve touched on the topic of soulmates before, but I ran across a study the other day that sparked a lot of thinking that I’d like to “just share” with y’all. In my freshman year of high school, my family lived in Mobile, Alabama, a city I absolutely hated. I didn’t have a lot of friends there till I discovered tabletop gaming, but the ones I did have gave me a good birds-eye view of the concept of… Read more

I had this big long old post I was doing about exactly how my time in the UYC came to an grueling end, but for various reasons (including that Biff is one of those tiresome dipsticks who threatens lawsuits every time he feels slighted), I decided to gloss over a lot of that drama. Here’s the sanitized version, because we’re going to need it in this particular discussion: After about a year of wheedling, arguing, manipulating, cajoling, yelling, strong-arming, and… Read more

After Biff figured out that I was quite serious about having deconverted, the bargaining phase of his grief cycle began. It took a little while for me to realize that his goal was nothing less than to get me to step foot back inside a church, with the assumption that once I did, his god would “convict” me and make me want to re-convert again. His entire plan hinged upon getting me to darken the doorstep of a church. After… Read more

This’ll be a brief post about assumptions I operated under when I was a Christian. These assumptions were a sort of mental voicemail message that played all the time in my head, in the background, under my radar. They were unquestioned and unexamined–just there. I think a lot of the time, Christians–especially the kind in the various churches that had ensnared me–have these assumptions they just think are totally axiomatic and true, and they don’t really think about them or… Read more

The most powerful thing two people can do is really communicate. When there’s a veil in between them, it’s much harder to do that. Not impossible, but a lot harder. I discovered that truth in the early days of my membership in the Unequally Yoked Club (UYC). There’s a reason Christians find the imagery around the Crucifixion miracle of the “tearing of the curtain” so incredibly powerful. Even I, long out of the religion, find the image very moving. Imagine:… Read more

Remember what I mentioned last time about promises? We’re going to talk about that a little more today. There’s something about promises that I need to show you. Read more

Before we can really get into the meat of this post, I need to say a few words first about the fundamentalist view of promises, because I don’t think most people outside that mindset will understand fully until this stuff’s on the table. I’ve talked before about the things that drew me to fundamentalism, namely the illusions it offers of an unchanging doctrine, an unchanging god, and an unchanging set of expectations. And it’s true, and those illusions create a… Read more

There’s a longer post coming, but here’s a little sneaky-peek to get the party going, so you know where my headspace is when I talk about the Unequally Yoked Club. I’d been out of church for a while. I guess I was 24 or so. This was in Portland, after we’d gone to Japan and crashed and burned and had to return with our tails between our legs. Biff had gone to Basic Training, having no other ideas for how… Read more

Oprah Winfrey, who apparently didn’t get the memo about labels, came out with this gem the other day when confronted with a person who called herself an atheist but insisted that she felt awe at the beauty of the universe and humanity itself: “‘Well I don’t call you an atheist then. I think if you believe in the awe and the wonder, and the mystery, then that is what God is. That is what God is. It’s not the bearded… Read more

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