I’ll have CNN on in my office all day today. It will feel like torture. It will feel like a funeral. It will feel like watching a severely unqualified con man get rewarded for capitalizing on people’s fear, bigotry, gullibility, and ignorance of the issues. It will feel like confirmation that people in this country would rather hear comforting lies than seek the truth.
I started feeling depressed last night and it has gotten worse as today has gone on. We’re now under 30 minutes from Donald Trump’s swearing in as the 45th President of the United States. Over the past two months, I’ve made it through the first three stages of grief: denial, anger, and bargaining. I’m at depression now, and I’m not sure how long it will last. I kind of hope it lasts for four years, because I’ll be disgusted with myself if I actually make it to acceptance and convince myself this is normal.
I don’t have a lot to say about this day, except that I’m watching because I don’t want to try to escape it. I need to deal with it, and accept it as reality, and I think watching it will help me do that. But It’s fucking depressing. I feel sad for the Obama family, who have been let down by the voting populace. I feel sad for those exiting their White House jobs, who have worked for 8 years under a family who treats others with respect, class, and grace. I feel even sadder for those who may be staying at their jobs in the White House (if there are any).
Despite being non-Christian, I will not be directly affected by this day as much as my friends and family who are non-male, or non-white, or non-heterosexual. But I mourn for them and I will fight for them, because they are just as American as I am, their rights are the same as mine, and they will need my help.
But I will watch the day unfold. I will not avoid it or refuse to watch it, because I need to witness this in order to effectively deal with it. Besides, I’m an American who cares about the future of this country, and this day is important.