HOW do you pull a beautiful babe in an burqua? Why, you go walking a cute Chihuahua or two through the Saudi capital, and use them as a chat-up ploy.
Or rather you did.
Now the only thing you’ll pull is a fine … if you’re lucky. But if the judge has a terrible hangover, or painful piles, you could be lashed, sent to prison, or – given Islam’s insatiable lust for blood – you might even be stoned, beheaded or hanged. Or all three, just for good measure. But not in that order.
Saudi Arabia’s religious police, you see, have announced a ban on selling cats and dogs as pets. And if you already own a dog, you may no longer walk it in public in the capital.
Dogs, they say, were being used
To make passes at women and disturb families.
According to this report, Othman al-Othman, head of those judicial passion-killers known as the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice, or Muttawa, said the commission in Riyadh had begun enforcing an old religious edict.
The aptly-named MUTTawa are implementing a decision taken a month ago by the acting governor of the capital, Prince Sattam bin Abdul Aziz, to reintroduce an old edict issued by the Supreme Council of Saudi Scholars (may the Force with them).
Othman said that the commission had instructed its offices in the capital to tell pet shops “to stop selling cats and dogs”.
The 5,000-strong religious police oversee the adherence to Wahhabism – a strict version of Sunni Islam, which also forces women to cover from head to toe in abayas when in public, and bans them from driving – even driving golf carts!
The incident took place in Shahr Rey, a suburb of Tehran when the owner of the dog was caught by a police who quickly handcuffed the him. He was later charged by an Islamic judge for “disturbing the public order”.
The harsh sentence, it is thought, was passed to deter dog-owners who repeatedly ignored warnings by the police to refrain from taking their dogs for walks in the street.
President Ahmadinejad recently provoked debate in Iran about dog ownership when he took possession of four guard dogs, bought in Germany at a cost of around Â£100,000 each.
So how come this Holocaust-denying, homosexual-hating basket-case is allowed dogs when everyone is being discouraged from owning a pet.
Well – and here’s a surprise – Iran’s semi-official news agency Fars reveals:
The purchase of these dogs was authorised by a fatwa issued by several ayatollahs who approved the use of these animals if the only goal was to guarantee personal security and not infringe on any religious rule.
So, how many ayatollahs does it take to issue a fatwa concerning a chinchilla?
No, not a joke, I was just wondering â€¦