'Hello central! Give me heaven'

'Hello central! Give me heaven' May 21, 2017

That cheesy old song immediately sprang to mind when I read today that Zimbabwean pastor Paul Sanyangore, above right, claims he has regular telephone conversations with God.
According to this report, Sanyangore can also arrange for members of his congregation to receive calls from the Almighty.
The photo purportedly shows a man called Tich Mataz receiving a call from God in front of an entire congregation of Sanyangore’s Victory World International Ministries.
Mataz then began delivering prophetic messages, and Sanyangore – also known as “Pastor Talent” – said that the “miracle” was enough to prove that he was telling the truth the whole time about his hot line to heaven.
Sanyangore first revealed his ability to speak to God in a February video filmed during a service at Victory World International Ministries.
In an interview with Zimbabwean news site H-Metro, he revealed that he was indeed on the phone with the Almighty, adding that he was surprised to see people so shocked about the whole thing.

I have a direct channel, actually I have his number and I can call him when need rises. It is possible to talk to God, why would you doubt that I got a call from him? I actually have a direct line which I can call him and get instructions on how to proceed. I got this when I was praying and I heard a voice telling me to call direct.
I got instructions on the phone on what to do or say and that is what happened on Sunday.

Sanyangore then went on to say that he would be launching a new show on his church’s television channel, Victory TV, called “Heaven Online”, where more of his phone conversations with God would be heard. He even said that he planned to reveal God’s phone number during a special service at the Victory World International Ministries, and invited people to attend so they could witness the miracle.
When he failed to give out God’s number, he said he’d decided the time wasn’t right. But at the beginning of May, in a follow-up interview with H-Metro, he said he’ll definitely reveal God’s digits later in the month.

The time is ripe, come Sunday the contact will be shared. I will not intercede on behalf of people; they will be talking to the creator directly. We will have the event beamed on our television channel, Victory TV for the avoidance of explanations and misrepresentations.

But once again he wasn’t forthcoming with the number. Instead he arranged to have God call Mataz.
But don’t call him a charlatan. Last year, after revealing that he had died as an infant but was then resurrected, he said:

The same people you pray for and deliver are the people who want to pull you down. This is not only to me but all the men of God. They are the same people who speak ill of you.
Another thing, being labelled fake is the greatest insult not only to me but the one who sent me. You will be doubting that God has no power to do things through me.

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  • barriejohn

    I bet he’s with Talk Talk! He claims to be able to raise people from the dead (and walk on water). This isn’t the only case, but the cameras were conveniently there to record the whole episode (Praise be to God):
    PS How does God pay his phone bill?

  • Paul

    He can’t give gawds number as gawd has an old Nokia and they aren’t as good as the new Apple 7 which is what he looks like he’s calling on.

  • Paul

    I’m a believer now – I think it’s the brilliant editing what won me over. Anyone who says he a fake is an arsehole. Clearly not one of those people in the audience are duped by the editing or the fact that the child is alive when he puts it into the stage.
    I do like the plant pots too. And strategically placed working men’s club electronic organs. Class act.

  • barriejohn

    Paul: So glad to have been able to help another poor, weary pilgrim on the road to Glory!
    Barry: That recording is dire! June Carter was a later family member who became Johnny Cash’s second wife, of course. The song was originally recorded in 1901 by Byron G. Harlan, and the comments made on the YouTube site reflect the popular view that it was yet another soppy, sentimental late Victorian tearjerker, but as Harlan was a singer of comic songs I am of the opinion that he sang it with tongue very firmly in cheek!

  • Smokey

    I’m going to start my own religion. The possibilities are obviously endless. Never mind blackjack and hookers, let’s go straight for the bullshit and start raking in the money.
    I wonder if I can convince them that my penis contains “Holy Milk”.

  • Jenna

    Hucksterism laid bare before your very eyes … but its just like the formal established religious organisations like the rcc, coe, orthodox … who are congruently disingenous exploitative and … hucksterish … but on gargantuan scale.

  • Har Davids

    The guy claims he was told, while praying, to call his god. Wouldn’t it be cheaper to have these conversations without the use of telephones? Cheaper and easier.

  • Brian Jordan

    PS How does God pay his phone bill?
    Simple: he reverses the charges. And long-distance, too!
    As for why the number has yet to be revealed: it takes a while to set up a premium-rate number.

  • Paul

    If he doesn’t answer does gawd leave a message ?
    Now that would be perfect proof. A recorded message.
    Over the millennia we’ve had stone tablets, visions, golden tablets, talking snakes, weeping statutes (usually underneath a leaking toilet), dogs’ aresholes in the crucified shape of the man, none of which are really testable, (except the dogs arsehole of course), but a phone message – I would likely believe if it were there.

  • andym

    “Thank you for contacting the God Organisation. We are sorry, due to unprecedented demand, we are unable to take new entreaties from clerics accused of kiddie-fiddling or fraud.
    “Please listen to the following options; if you’d like justification for blowing civilians to pieces press 1;if you’d like God to agree with any other decision you’ve already made press 2; if you’re having doubts press 3.”

  • Jenna

    Hello … you are through an operative of The Mother of Holy Bejaysus Divine Heavenly Kingdom of God Call Centre. Before I can put you through to god I have to ask you some security questions … …
    Mothers Maiden Name?
    Account Number?
    And Now I have to ask some routine personal questions …
    Are you:-
    Have you had premarital sex?
    Do you masturbate?
    Are you cisumcised?
    Do you fancy the MILF next door?
    As a child were you raped by one of our priests cardinals or bishops?
    Were you born out of wedlock?
    If you answered yes to one or any of these questions fuck off you unholy spawn of satan … burn in hell.

  • Angela_K

    Call me pedantic but these religious types maintain that by talking to your hands god can hear you, so no need for a telephone – apart from scamming the gullible.

  • L.Long

    This dimwit claim to walk on water too????
    Great show us in a pond full of gaters!!!!

  • barriejohn

    Angela et al: I agree. On a Sunday, Justin Welby stands up in front of large numbers of people in Canterbury Cathedral, closes his eyes, and claims to be talking directly to God, with no need of electronic devices. What’s the difference? Only that the CofE is not considered to be a “sect”, and, of course, is in no way whatsoever a money-making scam, is it?

  • Matthew Carr

    I wonder how much he charges per minute?
    Apparently Android is God.

  • remigius

    ‘When he failed to give out God’s number, he said he’d decided the time wasn’t right.’
    Maybe he was avoiding having to explain why the call from God was transferred through a switchboard in Salt Lake City.

  • Cali Ron

    I wonder, was god’s number 666-666-6666. Or maybe just zero, because on a scale of 1 to 10, I always give god a zero.

  • Angela_K

    @Cali Ron. There was an old joke when I was at school that the Pope’s telephone number was VAT69, a well known brand of Port at the time.

  • tonye

    There has often been good debate on this site in reference to the gullibility of the religion, with some finding sympathy with them.
    In this case, however, I think if you fall for this charlatan then you really deserve to be fleeced.

  • Vanity Unfair

    In the video a woman in the background has some sort of fit (probably: unless she is also acting) but nobody seems to take any notice and she is still prostrate at the end. Perhaps a minor miracle would have been convenient.
    To Angela:
    VAT69 always tasted like scotch whisky. Another miracle?
    We live in interesting times.

  • barriejohn

    Vanity Unfair: I remember a similar comment being made about another video some time ago, and I think the answer is that this sort of “fainting fit” (all put on, of course) is what the charismatics expect to see, so they would probably be more shocked if it didn’t happen!

  • barriejohn

    PS Such bizarre behaviour would never be seen in the developed world:
    (Sorry for the delay; I couldn’t work out how to share videos now!)

  • DOM

    Anyone who believes in the bible must accept that people talk to god so what is the difference now?

  • Vanity Unfair

    to barriejohn:
    That sounds [un]reasonable.

  • Robster

    These Africans forget god and the baby Jesus are on the 2G network, not three or four gee. This will make calls difficult as the networks are being shut down in sympathy with the various religious organisations having lost all credibility.

  • Jenna

    @Angela K
    The Scottish Ports are Aberdeen, Glasgow and such places. VAT69 is much more spiritual. Sometimes referred to as The Water of Life. And I always feel uplifted after a reverential communion with it served in a small glass with a portion of cold water.