Deranged Christian suggests around 90% of men are gay

Deranged Christian suggests around 90% of men are gay April 8, 2018

Dave Daubenmire, aka ‘Coach Dave’, spends most of his time ranting about a variety of issues he claims are destroying the fabric of American Society via his “Pass The Salt Live” webcasts.
Last month  the former high school football coach was banging on about the “sissification” of young American men:

Everywhere they go, [young men] are being sissified. They’re being sissified in school, they’re being sissified in church. They’re being sissified on the job, they’re being sissified in the home. The daddies have become sissies, the daddies won’t speak back to their bossy wives because they want to get laid and so mom runs the house, mom runs everything.

But in a later broadcast he excelled himself when he claimed that:

Masturbation is homosexuality. You’re having sex with a man. You get it? Now, you put images of a woman in your mind, but you’re having sex with a man.

Taken to its logical conclusion, his assertion means that around 90% of men are gay, as the infographic below, found in this Daily Dot report, shows.

The infographic is based on data from Indiana University’s National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior (NSSHB), which polled 5,865 Americans between the ages of 14 and 94. Some things about the data are not surprising: For instance, the infographic shows that men masturbate more often than women across the board, with 84.6 women age 24-29 reporting having masturbated versus 93 percent of men in that same age group.

There’s really only one word to describe “Coach Dave” – wanker!

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  • andym

    Such an obsession with men’s sexuality generally means only one thing….

  • Broga

    Trump, a man devoid of everything that would earn the description civilised, has his own delusions about what constitutes macho. USA football players, deciding they want some protection to their brains, from the assaults when they play are, in “macho” Trump’s opinion lacking good old American courage.
    More important, the bludgeoning of their brains causing damage revealed in autopsies might detract from the spectacle and the profits. The macho watchers themselves live in a country where close to 50 per cent of the macho watchers are obese. Trump himself has never been in the military.

  • John the Drunkard

    I suspect that gay self-hatred is hugely common among the god-pesterers. All that babble about ‘choosing’ sexual orientation is an expression of their own desperation.
    They really DO feel that homosexuality is something they might ‘choose.’ Since it is their own natural orientation, over which they layer every imaginable guilty rationalization.
    Membership in the clergy is an attractive nuisance for boys already damaged by the sexual sickness of their religious upbringings.

  • AgentCormac

    I once heard someone say that there are two types of men: those who wank and those who lie.
    Of course, Coach Dave has never had one off the wrist, has he? Noooooo. Never.

  • Jobrag

    If the question was have you ever masturbated, how can the percentage fall as people get older? If 94.3% of 25-29 year olds have masturbated then at least 94.3 % of the older age groups must have masturbated.

  • Daz

    I’d imagine that the older groups grew up with the notion that masturbation is shameful, so some of ’em lied rather than admit to it.
    I have a theory, which is mine and probably untestable, that if we could somehow raise an entire generation free from sexual shame or pre-conditioning, the majority of them would turn out to be bi. (Anecdotal, but there’s a joke, probably at least partly based on experience: What does it take to turn a straight man gay? About seven pints.)

  • remigius

    Not necesserily, Jobrag. Your hypothesis only works if the same set of people were questioned at various stages in there lives.
    It is more likely that the respondees are different people of different generations. Those born in, say, the 1920s may have a different attitude to wanking than those born in the 1990s.
    Edit. Damn you, Daz. Sneaked that in while I was typing.

  • Daz

    Yep, I sneaked one in.

  • barriejohn

    I wonder whether he read this report when it first came out (no pun intended)?

  • barriejohn

    A professional diver came out the other day. Having no interest in sport whatsoever, I don’t claim to possess a trained eye, but he doesn’t look very “sissified” to me!

  • AgentCormac

    You really are embracing that Molesworth persona, Daz!
    (And why not, the books were absolutely brilliant.)

  • Teller

    Now he is a real wanker.

  • Daz

    Defeeting Terorism by Nigel Molesworth. they tak mi name in vane and not a royltee in site, the wets. Chiz.

  • 1859

    I admit I have masturbated, but I’ve never masturbated ‘across the board’… doesn’t sound very satisfying.

  • barriejohn

    I notice that in another photo, published by Pink News today, he’s sporting one of those “Make America Great Again” caps. This perplexes me. America is the world’s biggest economy and most powerful nation militarily, with enormous cultural influence as well, so in what sense can it be “made great again”? I would say that its failure has been in the way that it treats the poor, the sick, the disadvantaged, minorities, and certain racial groups – something that one would think would REALLY bother a Christian. The following article is interesting, though I tend to agree with one commenter, that “Christian nationalism, white supremacy, racism and xenophobia may not be exactly the same thing, but they are all pieces of the same right-wing pie.”
    The writer also seems to overlook the End Times prophecies, and the Rapture. Some just think that a president like Trump will bring these apocalyptic events closer!

  • Cali Ron

    My take from the graph-7% of men lie about masturbating.
    He’s also wrong when he claims it’s having sex with a man. My left hand is the male, but my right hand is female. When in the mood for a bisexual orgy I use both hands.

  • Pagan Pete

    Lyrics from “I gave up wanking” by Oz comedian Kevin “Bloody” Wilson:
    I give up wankin this mornin
    I never thought that I could
    And I’m feeling better already
    This time I’m off it for good
    When I first wanked I thought I was so clever
    And all of me mates, they were mugs
    Thought I was the first Bloke here on Earth
    Who’d ever played with his slug
    It was me own little secret
    I never told anyone
    And the feelin I got, the first time I shot
    Was like chooks flying outta me bum
    So I’m givin up wankin’ tomorrow
    I never thought that I could
    I’ll be glad to get rid of these headaches
    Then I’ll be off it for good
    I’ve wanked in some unlikely places
    The shower, the beach and the pool
    The dunny, a tram and the pictures
    Biology classes at school
    And once my grandmother caught me
    Wanking meself in me room
    But to her suprise
    I just shut me eyes and imagined her standin there nude
    I’m givin up wankin on tuesdee
    I never thought that I could
    Then I won’t squint like I do now
    Then I’ll be off it for good
    Me dad says it’s gonna take will-power
    There really is no easy trick
    I honestly thought I’d need surgery
    To help get me hand orf me d***
    Me dad’s been a great inspiration
    He’s really been a great help
    He knows what I go through
    And just what to do
    Cause he give it up yest’dee himself
    So I’m givin up wankin next Fridee
    I never thought that I could
    And I won’t have to wear these thick glasses
    Then I’ll be off it for good
    So if you say you don’t wank
    Your a liar
    And a fool if you say that you do
    So next time you see
    Prince Charles on TV
    Remember he wanked himself too
    So I’m givin up wankin come Christmas
    I never thought that I could
    And I’ll sell me dog and me white cane
    And then I’ll be off it for good
    I’m givin up wankin next Easter
    I never thought that I could
    And the warts on me hand will just vanish
    Then I’ll be off it for good
    I’m givin up wankin’ next August
    I never thought that I could…..

  • Gaurav Tyagi

    @Pagan Pete, awesome man 🙂
    Masturbation is one of the very few joys in this miserable world. One doesn’t make anyone pregnant, doesn’t hurt the feelings of anyone, doesn’t get any sexually transmitted disease, is free of cost plus one can imagine himself/herself having sex with anyone in whatsoever position. When the wife is not in the mood then also husband can indulge in this self-satisfying pleasure and sleep peacefully.
    If only Christian Pastors, Muslim Maulanas and Hindu Priests indulge in masturbation freely and without any remorse then plenty of kids would be saved from getting raped and molested by these perverts.
    To those saying masturbation is harmful. I have a question, is talking too much bad for the tongue or walking too much bad for the legs?

  • Pagan Pete