Don’t Go (Or Don’t Let Me, More Accurately) Into Bookstores With A Head Cold

Scene: The pharmacy next to the bookstore. Filled with senior citizens getting prescriptions filled, because it’s before 12pm on a Thursday.

Pharmacist – You may as well wait it out, dear, this is going to take ages. There’s seats out the front?

Me – ahrghars cheers whoo *sneeze* *sneeze*

All the seats are taken.

Senior Citizen One – We’re going to be here forever, ducks.

Me – Amama going to the bookstore and be back after bookstore, k’?

I stagger into bookstore next door and blink at the newly released rack and the sale table for about five minutes. My head is doing that turns-bef0re-the-eyes-move-and-then-the-eyes-follow-about-three-seconds-later thing.

Bookseller – Can I HELP you?

Me – …ugggggggg?

Bookseller – …Are you okay?

Me – Umm?

Bookseller – …Are you DRUNK??

Menoooo *backs into bookrack*

BooksellerCareful! *rights bookrack*

Me – I have a questions.

BooksellerSorry?

Me – …whhhhyyy… is Salman Rushdie’s book about Anoton thingie on the sale table for only ten dollars? Don’ty know it’s the story of everything he went through when he was being persecuted?

Bookseller – …what?

Me – And that book there, about blogging thing. Dr Brooke Magannantnti Belle Jour said that it’s all rubbish and I think you shouldn’t be doing the false advertising about making a lot of money from blogging because it’s rubbish.

Bookseller – Oh. Oh. Well, we don’t get to make those kinds of value…

Me – …and why *sneeze* *sneeze* do you have that anti-global warming book about being expelled from school because they don’t believe in global warming in the SCIENCE section, don’t you know that it’s rubbish too?

Bookseller – …I don’t get to make…

Me – I love Philosophy. You should have more o’the Philosophy section.

Bookseller – Really? Well, we were thinking…

Me – I have stuff to do for the Philosophy thing, it’ss actually even more interesting with hey I need a prescription.

Bookseller – Uh, what?

*senior citizen comes into the shop*

Me – …helloooo!

Senior – Hello ducks, they’re all finished with us now – go see if your order is done?

Me – Oh that’s awesome thanks I go get it now *sneeze* *leaves*

Senior – What’s all this about rubbish in the science section? I used to be an engineer young man, don’t you know you have a responsibility…

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About Kylie Sturgess

Kylie Sturgess is a Philosophy teacher, media and psychology student, blogger at Patheos and podcaster at Token Skeptic. She has conducted over a hundred interviews including artists, scientists, politicians and activists, worldwide.
She’s the author of the ‘Curiouser and Curiouser‘ column at the Committee for Skeptical Inquiry website and travels internationally lecturing on feminism, skepticism, and science.

  • DrDave

    On the contrary, I imagine people close to you are plotting how to infect you with another cold so they can steer you into a bookshop…

    • Kylie Sturgess

      I hope not. I really hate being unable to breathe.


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