Confessions of a White Cis Man and What I’m Learning: Courage

I’ve been watching the news and reading social media with a lot of dread and anger lately. On Tuesday night me and several other parents of transgender youth took part in a session led by a social worker about racism and race relations. Most of us in the room were white, but not all. I am learning a lot lately. But I also know that there are uncomfortable truths I need to face. I hope any confessions I have are… Read more

I Hate White Supremacy! I Hate the Alt-Right! I Hate All of This!

I watched in horror as the events unfolded in Charlottesville, Virginia. It is 2017 and a woman was killed on US soil standing up against Nazi’s. American white men took the streets carrying torches, giving nazi salutes, and screaming nazi chants. A black man was beaten senseless in a parking garage by some twisted amalgamation of the Klan and the Alt-Right. Our President took two days to condemn racism. When asked about condemning the actions immediately, he literally walked away… Read more

The Cost of Polite Discourse and My Anger at the Silencing

  Over the last few weeks I have seen three high profile figures mischaracterize and say harmful words about transgender people. President Donald Trump, Laci Green, and N.T. Wright. When the affected and hurt transgender people and their allies have expressed frustration, I have seen a demand for polite discourse used as a means to silence them. These are hurt voices that have fear and sadness and anger. And yes, I am angry. Their voices matter and need to be heard… Read more

The Performer, An Honest Mistake & Honest Gender Discussion

After I published yesterday’s blog about politics and opinion polls, there was a sincere question asked. A street performer made an honest mistake and misgendered someone during his act. He asked how to avoid that and what to use in his act. I didn’t know. So I asked around. There was honest and helpful discussion. So first, let’s start with the question that was asked and how the story was told. The comment on my blog (slightly edited) went as follows:… Read more

Opinion Polls and Election Polls and the Quest for Equality

It has been a week since Trump announced his intention to change military policy regarding trans people via tweet. Since then we’ve seen an overwhelming response by polled military leaders, soldiers, and citizens in support of transgender people serving in the armed forces. The news media has shown study after study that has undermined every one of Trump’s reasons for it. With poll after poll in support of transgender people, how do so many elected officials keep getting elected who actively… Read more

Public Conversations With Discrimination and Transphobia

I cannot imagine what it’s like to be trans or a woman or a person of color. I’ve never faced sexism or racism. I’ve tasted transphobia in a limited manner. My raw emotions are likely different than his or any transgender person’s. These public conversations with discrimination and transphobia hurt. Outside of this blog, I speak of my son as my son. Nothing more. I will speak of his grades and interests and stories. His gender identity is not his… Read more

The Drama Triangle Makes it Hard to Write on Transgender Issues

Sometimes the drama triangle is harder to escape than the Bermuda triangle. In 1968, psychotherapist Stephen Karpman created a social model he called the drama triangle. The three points of the triangle are the victim, the persecutor, and the rescuer. The victim will scream woe is me. The persecutor will scream this is all your fault. Finally, we have the rescuer screaming I will save you from this peril on my terms. This can manifest itself in multiple ways with multiple… Read more

The First Time Someone Who’s Transgender Trusted Me

Four years before my son came out I was a minister. It was during that time a transgender teen would trust me for the first time. I made mistakes.  At this point in my ministerial career and belief I was a progressive minister who was affirming and accepting of LGBTQIA. I was uneducated, but I was accepting and affirming. Our church had a youth outreach that to this day I am still proud of. It was not a youth group…. Read more

Trump Changes Transgender Military Policy by Tweet & Angry Cis Allies

Everyone reading this likely already knows that with a series of tweets, President Trump barred transgender people from serving in the military. He changed military policy with a tweet rant. I was just finishing yesterday’s post when the news broke. I was angry. The reaction was so visceral I almost shelved yesterday’s post to write about this new news because I was an angry cis ally. The pause button was hit. I blame Dan Rather for the pause. I saw Dan… Read more

Texas Bathroom Law, Police Chiefs, and Bad Political Theater

I’ve already written about the bathroom bill in Texas. The divide on the Texas bathroom bill is almost down the middle with Democrats opposed and Republicans in favor. In the midst of all of this, a new voice had entered the fray. Law enforcement. Police chiefs all over the state of Texas have stated this bill would complicate their officers’ jobs. The police chiefs also said there is no problem or issue with transgender people using bathrooms. One police chief even… Read more

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