How to Start a Cult

Hey, wait a minute, this sounds a lot like the major religions, too…

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Can I please get a “CULT MEMBER” t-shirt? Because that would be totally awesome.

  • LRA

    Lovebombing??? LMAO!!!

  • BrianA

    Cult: a small unpopular religion.
    Religion: a large popular cult.

    • Bender

      I would replace “small” by “young” and “large” by “old”.

      • DarkMatter

        What about replacing “religion” with “banana” after this?

    • misha

      people always say this, but it is so untrue. there is a HUGE difference between groups who apply powerful coercive techniques, demand unquestioning support for the leader, try to get you to sign over your house on your death bed etc.. and your average local church. anyone who has had to deal with a family member or relation slipping into the grasp of a cult knows this. that said, i think that the spiritual claims made by religions/cults have probably roughly the same standing. nada. but coercion is real.

  • Custador

    OMFSM!!!! Check out Gollum’s sister at 1:47!!!

  • Travis

    Dananananana LEADER!!!

    I’m pretty sure step one of starting a cult is to play that music on constant loop to people. this “Carey Burt” person is pretty clever to have hidden his cult message inside a how to video, thus assuring all the new “leaders” will be his followers, in a crazy pyramid scheme.

    Also why was the people’s money laminated? Is that part of being in a cult?

    • Andrew N.P.

      BATMAN! I mean, LEADER!

      • Fentwin

        10 pointss for the Homer reference. lol

  • http://theophiliacs.com Anthony David Jacque

    When the dude shoots the chick, that was obviously barbecue sauce.

    Now I want ribs.

  • http://vaia.deviantart.com Vaia

    I’ll second that t-shirt order, Daniel.

  • John C

    If you act now, the first 100 callers get my “how to start your won cult” handbook AND a shamwow towel for only $19.95! But wait, there’s more…there is a life! :) lol

  • Baconsbud

    I have to agree with it sounding no different then what many of the larger religions do. When the girl was having the pistol aimed at her head she looked like wasn’t into that much. LOL I might need to keep track of this, sounds like it could be fun to be a cult leader.

  • http://temaskian.wordpress.com/ Temaskian

    Is this supposed to be funny? Strange… I don’t feel tickled at all. Instead, I feel a definite chill up my spine. It’s all so familiar, I got a kind of deja vu feeling, like everything in the video has happened before.

    • Garrett

      There must be something wrong with you.

      • http://temaskian.wordpress.com/ Temaskian

        I knew it. :-)

        • blotonthelandscape

          I know exactly what you mean. I felt sick, thinking back to my own christian life and comparing some of the things they do in the vid to the things that I did.

          • http://www.temaskian@wordpress.com Temaskian

            Glad there’s someone who also feels the same way.

            • DarkMatter

              Reminds me of my sickening past.

  • murrowcronkite

    I don’t want to step on anyones cage but this really reminds me of the Church of Scientology.
    I talked to one guy in a laundromat about Scientology 10 years ago, took one of his books and must have given him my address or something. I still receive weekly (sometimes twice weekly)
    junk mailings from good ol’ Ron L. and friends even though I’ve moved 3 times. Their mail budget could feed a small nation.

  • http://www.kkpearls.com/ Hyderabad Pearls

    I love your website, seriously. I read it daily via my Greader
    pearls

  • claidheamh mor

    When the video referred to running out of time, don’t blow your choice, I thought of est. And est again with the rigid schedule, and “all you need is 2 hours sleep”. Hahahahaha! What, no waterboarding? I know why! It’s the same pattern I’ve read that domestic abusers use: if you get too abusive, people will leave!

    When it said “form satellite groups”, and one said “we’re a drug rehabilitation center”, I thought of John C’s rehab center.

    When people joked about the “leader”, I remembered that “Führer” is German for “leader”.

    “Revert them to childish obedience”; “there must be something wrong with you”; “indoctrinate with fear” — christianity! Christianity! Christianity!

    Lifespring, est, LGATs, christianity, Nazism, a bit of US government, TM, L. Ron Hubbard, Rajneesh, aaauuuugh! Are you SURE there’s still a vacancy for God’s position? Looks like too many applicants to me!

    Excellent video. The “childish obedience” pacifier-sucking was a perfect touch!

  • http://RantingRaving.wordpress.com nikita

    “We love the leader the leader is love. When I’m not with him I feel like a schlub.”

    I’m going to be singing that for days.

  • Pingback: How to Start a Cult « It’s Alive!!

  • http://www.povertymediaproject.com Marz555

    But I want a cult like jesus has, got any tips?

    • Custador

      Ask Joe Smith or L Ron Hubbard. Or Mohammed.

  • Geoff

    I want that “T” and then when people in the super market ask me what it means I’ll stare into an empty place and say in a monotone voice, “it’s funny, isn’t it” then laugh like Beevis and Butthead.

  • Master

    Hello,

    First thing is take control and crush all elements of Critical thinking. Tactics for this are Love Bombing, Create paranoia about the outside world so your members fear reality, and feel the need to be part of the group, this will also help your member retention rate. Don’t allow members to form a clinches with other members ensure you mix them up at meetings to help crush any potential rebellion. Use Hypnosis disguised as Positive Meditation to help induce members suggestibility to help you pop in your Suggestions of what you want them to do. Learn NLP TO SO YOUR MORE PERSUSSIVE. Create words of your own that only group members understand this will also help you create a stronger bond and help you create a them and us mentality. Condemn other organisations also . Start by asking your members to do small tasks and keep gradually increasing the tasks . Make all members feel special and very important. Make members sign a non discloser ( Secrecy Clause) form after they have been around 6 – - 8 weeks make this out to be extremely important and in a subtle way indicate that they will soon be getting classified Knowledge this will again ensure they don’t leave. Always keep using the fear of loss on members by indicating if they don’t do this and that etc that there membership may be threatened….. This makes them work harder for you and they will do almost anything as no – one likes to lose anything…. Remember to break their current friendships over time … Simply take up their time with silly tasks so they aint got the time for out- side friends this is important so whenever they have doubts of leaving they will quickly realise that there is no life for them in the real world. Also arrange special retreats for members rent a holiday home or something and limit sleep and make sure the Diet has very little Protein….. And then you can Anchor in their minds anything you want easily….. Create oodles of Anxiety , Paranoia , and remember to run confessions and record them on Cd so this can be used against them in the future. Group confessions work best…. Also condemn the internet limit other sources of information as much as possible. Recruit slowly to enable you to get a concrete structure pattern early on … Also run a fasting Weekend and at the end of it make sure you cook the meals they will remember that for ever … You will have been the person to provide nourishment love and security…. This will again subconsciously confirm there belief system that you are taking care of them and they cant get on in life without you…. Also take their identity away by charter assassination IMPORTANT!!!! Enforce a dress – Code to….. Have a inner circle of say 8 members so other members are working 24/7 to be part of that special inner circle


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