Kansas Education Board Touts Flat Earth Curriculum

Teach the controversy! Equal time! Kansas is just being progressive:

The Kansas Education Board, which gained new momentum in its efforts to “de-emphasize” rational scientific inquiry after a decision last November requiring Kansas teachers to define the widely accepted theory of evolution as “godless Communist propaganda” in favor of creationism, also known as intelligent design, is now promoting a full-fledged faith-based curriculum touted by the board as “the One True Way”.

According to Steve E. Abrams, chairman of the education board, the new curriculum “starts with the corrected presumption that the earth is flat, and more or less continues from that premise.”

Mr. Abrams stated that members of the Kansas Education Board were inspired to begin developing the new curriculum after several members “went outside and walked around a little”, leading them to question the prevailing wisdom regarding the shape of the earth. Pearl Dustbunny, deputy board chairman, elaborated:

“Me and some of the other board members decided to do a little ‘scientific exploration’ of our own,” she said, “instead of leaving it to all the heathens infesting those eastern liberal arts universities. We went outside the building here in Kansas and looked around. We also took a big ruler and took some measurements. Based on our observations and calculations, the earth is actually flat as a pancake. I don’t know who those people think they’re fooling.”

The Kansas Education Board, strengthened by its successes in muzzling the teaching of evolution and debunking “round earth theory”, two principles it finds “highly suspect”, is now revising its entire curriculum to reflect what it describes as “proper Christian values.”

“It’s not a religious curriculum,” Ms. Dustbunny was quick to emphasize, “because as you know that’s prohibited by the Establishment Clause of the Constitution. What we’re doing is utilizing the Bible as a work of literature and as a scientific treatise, just like Newton’s Principia Mathematica.”

Yes, it’s a parody — but is it really any different from teaching creationism?

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