When all the Christian fundies are raptured into their celestial paradise, and all of us evil unbelievers are left on the earth to be destroyed, what will happen to all the believer’s pets? Just think — millions of homeless pets left to starve to death while the rest of us are busy worshiping the anti-Christ.
I’ve often thought of the rapture as an event that will help us get rid of televangelists and abortion clinic bombers. But I never thought of the pets. It’s almost enough to make me sad (except the rapture is a bunch of bullshit, so not really).
Thankfully, some atheists have come up with a solution called Eternal Earth-Bound Pets:
You’ve committed your life to Jesus. You know you’re saved. But when the Rapture comes what’s to become of your loving pets who are left behind? Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind.
We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you’ve received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.
It’s very similar to the church business model — take people’s money on the basis of a future promise that’s most likely bunk.
(Also, that website might be one of the ugliest ones I’ve seen in a while. But at least it’s not as bad as Timecube…)
This is genius – I want to work for this group.
franchise opportunities!!! love it
Keeping animals as house pets was not invented when Revelation was written. But no matter – pets and other animals, as any rapture-ready Christian will tell you, have no soul. And come doomsday they’ll still be better off than at least 75% of humans who will be cast into eternal torture in Hell.
No, the puppies and kittens are the lucky ones.
So are you saying you won’t pay to have your pets taken care of after your raptured? You horrible monster! I hope God sends you straight to hell for this!
No doubt he will, although for entirely different reasons. Reading the Bible, God doesn’t exactly come across as an animal lover – demanding animal sacrifices in abundance to appease him; drowning every animal on the planet because of human shortcomings.
Yes, it’s more about us than animals. My life’s like that, too, for real.
domestic animals, and even cats as pets date back much longer than the bible.
True. I should’ve said something like keeping pets was “not in fashion” rather than “not invented”. I doubt any of the Jews or the early Christians, at which the newly created Revelation script was directed, kept any pets, though, which was the point I intended to make.
blagh… MY EYES…
Seems to me that everybody who really believes in the Rapture will be lining up for this. In fact, I’d question the faith (or humaneness) of anybody who doesn’t.
At least the cats will be used as sacrifice to our master Satan (The media keep telling us about satanists sacrificing cats in their rituals and they have never lied or exagerated for ratings so it must be true.
Man…I wish I’d have thought of that!!
This is a little like asking what would happen to someone’s pet if they died really. funny thought though.
“I’ve often thought of the rapture as an event that will help us get rid of televangelists and abortion clinic bombers.”
Why?
Just a joke, they’re the kind of people who believe in the rapture. ;)
Boy do I remember the rapture from my Southern Baptist days. I never thought of what would become of my pets though. Hell, if I were under the care of a fundie, I’d be relieved once they’re gone. I’d finally get the place to myself and be able to watch something on TV other than the 700 club.
seems like all the cool atheists have an “in case of rapture” company up and running these days…
what other opportunities are there?
While of an entirely different tone than this thread…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_TMEUjRzV4Q
If you can find all the videos from this episode, Life After People covers what would happen to our four legged friends if people just vanished one day.
Hello,
I am “Bart”, co owner of http://www.eternal-earthbound-pets.com/ .
First, thanks to all who have sent emails to my web email addy congratulating us on our site, and offering to help rescue pets. We have been overwhelmed with requests but are not seeking to expand at this time.
Now, do yourselves a favor and buy my book before Bill Maher promotes it and the price goes up :) http://theatheistcamelchronicles.blogspot.com/
And think about the poor folks who are waiting for the cable-guy, pizza-guy or the courtesy van from the car dealership, all of whom have just been raptured.
A pet service for those taken up in the Rapture? This is such a SCAM!!! What part of GULLABLE and STUPID do you think we don’t understand?
Looks like someone was successfully trolled…
John,
You seem angry. relax.
Evidently you don’t understand much about “scam”, and “gullible.”
If you did you’d understand that the scam of religiousity/supernaturalism, and the gullibility of believers goes hand in hand. Without gullibilty there would be no religion.
The fact is gullibility runs rampant among believers. Thats why they are believers. They have been taken in by their priests, ministers, monks and shamans for almost 20 centuries.
And here I am…offering a genuine and legal service, and I”M accused of running a scam? please.
I won’t comment on “stupid”. I will say that we have paying clients for our services.
Best regards,
Bart Bart@eternal-earthbound-pets.com
aka Dromedary Hump http://theatheistcamelchronicles.blogspot.com/
I’m starting to think that it’s a scam because the site does not define what “the Rapture” is in suitably clear legal language. I received a mildly impolite e-mail from Bart when I brought this to his attention.
So stupid…
great business although!
Just found this on the net…LOL!!! Business must be good!!
PRESS RELEASE October 2, 2009
Eternal Earth-Bound Pets, USA the country’s only established post Rapture pet rescue operation announces it will now include post rapture rescue services for horses, camels, llamas and donkeys in the states of VT, NH, ID, and MT.
http://eternal-earthbound-pets.com/