Attention Fundies: I Am NOT Pastor Melissa Scott

scott-melissaEver since the mini-biography on Pastor Melissa Scott, I’ve been getting emails addressed to her from people too stupid to realize the contact form on this site does not go to her inbox.

Now, I usually try to avoid name-calling. But it’s hard for me to understand how someone can come to a site that says “Unreasonable Faith” that has an article about Pastor Melissa’s risque history, and then use a contact form thinking they are emailing Melissa.

These people must really be something.

Here is a sampling of the emails I’ve received for Melissa (each paragraph is a separate email):

Melissa, i found you two weeks ago. I love the way you talk. I love your greek. If its raining,i can see your face. In my mind,and see rainbows. In the rain. Thats just a start of how wonderful YOU are. I watch every mondaynight.. Tammi

melissa, havent heard from you yet. But your picture went up on my model room wall today. I build model cars. So when i goof. instead of getting mad at myself i look up at you .And know you and god are with me. Oh and my friend i see god everday. I just look in the mirror. He is my father. Your friend tammi

Pastor melissa, maybe your not answering my e.ms because i didnt write pastor. If so,i,am sorry for that. I think your great. I watch you every mondaynight. I dont believe any bad crap they say about you on the internet. I would love to learn more of your greek. i prey soon or later you will return a e.m. well hope to hear from you soon. your friend, tammi…..

pastor melissa, yes i,am saying hello. How was your day?. I prayed to god today, that when i ckecked my e.ms. There would be one from you. (not yet) thats ok. Good news been telling all my friends about you,and to tune in to your sermon. My friends for the most part listen to me. Well will try again monday. Before your show. Your friend,tammi.

dear faith tell melissa scott that i love her very much i want to see her in heaven     love jc

dear melissa, i believe thomas37 says “you must strip your self of earthly garments to see God!” your purpose, really great- ts in the religious field. your purpose of getting 3000 new members on sunday is huge but achievable. i listen on sw every nite. you get my spirits up!

dear melissa i cant wait to get to heaven.the first thing im gonna do when i get to heaven is go in my mansion and take off all my clothes and enjoy a smoke by myself then ill go and meet you by the river of life and give you a kiss     all my love joe

Yes, I’m afraid these people are fracking nutjobs.

I would, however, like to see William Shatner read Tammi’s first email to beat poetry (like he did with Sarah Palin’s speech) — it might make a little more sense:

I love… the way you talk.
I love… your greek.
If it’s raining,
I can see your face.
In my mind,
and see rainbows.
In the rain.

Perhaps Tammi should consider poetry writing?

  • Elemenope

    Pretty much anything can be improved by a little of The Shatner.

    • Len

      Shat happens.

  • http://www.vidlord.com VidLord

    Daniel – it’s probably a simple hacker attack. There’s a snide, fundie computer geek giggling about this post right now hehe :)

  • mikespeir

    She’s purtier than you, I bet. That’s probably her only advantage.

  • Zotz

    HAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Many moons ago, I had the old style SatTV. It was pretty nice, you could tune into correspondents standing by for network reports, network feeds from any timezone, etc. But after a while all that got scrambled. Pretty much the only thing left to watch was this crazy-assed old guy from Aruba with dark glasses in a leather bomber with a big fat stogie ranting about Jeebus and please send money — then he’d cut to some long haired chickaboo bouncing up and down on a horse (frequent zoom to/from the derriere).

    Wow, just wow.

  • Travis A

    dear Melissa, i see the trick you are trying to prove. only are true believingers can see you and we still believe. Ur hair is so pretty please tell me about your shampoo. i dream about you on monday. pleaze e.m me back using your greek. i luv you till then or heaven…

    Am I doing this right? Being crazy is fun!

    • http://www.vidlord.com VidLord

      She is hot. I find it a bit ironic that on her site she’s preaching about St. Paul when it is completely obvious from Paul’s teachings that Paul would be utterly and unequivocally repulsed by her – with her long flowing permed hair, makeup on her face and eyes etc. She would have more legitimacy if she bundled up in a nun’s tunic and covered her head while she taught Paul.

      • gmcfly

        Well, also the fact that she is a woman preaching — Paul had a problem with that, too.

        • http://www.vidlord.com VidLord

          “Well, also the fact that she is a woman preaching — Paul had a problem with that, too.”

          I suspect she won’t dwell long on those verses.

          • Elemenope

            Fear not! There are always verses to contradict the ones we don’t like.

    • FramtonM

      Yes, and if you read between Paul’s lines, it would appear that he was gay!

      • wazza

        self-hating gay, no less

  • http://jericosystems.com erichamby

    I think William Shatner should read anything thats ever on TV.

  • trj

    The last two are just plain creepy.

  • Baconsbud

    I am glad I don’t have to deal with these types of people. I have to say it must stretch your patience to the extreme sometimes. How can people become so. what seems tome, emotionally attached to someone they have never met or talked with?

  • http://www.dailycomicsreview.com/ the_original_xy

    are you sure you aren’t Melissa Scott? i could easily get confused because you both have such beautiful flowing hair.

  • Kodie

    Tammi is kind of funny, but my favorite was from Joe. When I get to heaven, I’m a go in my mansion, get naked, relax and have a smoke. Then I’ll meet you down by the river. Be naked when I meet you as well. Love ya!

    I never really thought about what fundies think, that they’ll be wearing clothes when they get to heaven, like a bedazzled purple sweatshirt with iron-on kittens, or dress they were buried in, or what? I’m just impressed that Joe has plotted out his priorities as soon as he gets to heaven, which involves frolicking around nude and hooking up with the bible babe for some outdoor fornicating. I start to understand why everyone’s so bummed about “the fall” now. What they really want is god’s permission to go bare in public and screw anyone they want, and now they have to wait until they die to do all that fun animal stuff.

    • http://www.vidlord.com VidLord

      Kodie – they have the actual physical dimensions of heaven down pat. It’s bigger than New York City. Everyone gets a mansion. It even takes “time” for your soul to “get” there. There is treasure there too. The super good get to see the face of God clearer than the so-so good. There are animals there as well. And some even say somewhere on the order of 72 and 100 virgins for each man….all waiting for some fleshly/heavenly pleasure! How cool is that! Women do not get 100 virgin men – I think they get an extremely large walk in closet of clothes and shoes though.

      Okay I’m going to leave now and go try to find something productive to do.

    • mikespeir

      Now, he only said he wanted to give her a kiss, you dirty-minded person you! ;) He just wanted to do it naked. Why is anybody’s guess.

      But I don’t think he’ll be in heaven, anyway. As a Christian I was taught in no uncertain terms that “If you smoke, you’ll smoke the Holy Spirit out.”

      • Yoav

        That’s depends on what you smoke

  • http://gaytheistagenda.lavenderliberal.com/ Buffy

    I think I need some Brain Bleach now.

  • LRA

    “you get my spirits up!”

    That ain’t the only thing she gets up. Ew.

  • http://jingreed.typepad.com/ Jing-reed

    Personally I find nothing inconsistent with christians getting confused and emailing you. We all know they are not the brightest bulbs in the box. In fact I would venture to say that the average American IQ index goes down a few notches with each new evangelical church which opens its doors. Fundies seem to equate their lack of curiosity about the world with godliness. For many of them a loud “PRAISE JESUS!’ is much more important that the latest scientific discovery.

  • Atticus

    This must be a joke.

  • http://brgulker.wordpress.com brgulker

    dear melissa i cant wait to get to heaven.the first thing im gonna do when i get to heaven is go in my mansion and take off all my clothes and enjoy a smoke by myself then ill go and meet you by the river of life and give you a kiss all my love joe

    That has to be a joke, doesn’t it?

  • http://none Shad

    I’m curious to know if any of her new found fan club actually read the following verses concerning a woman in the pulpit:

    1 Corinthians 14:34-35
    1 Timothy 2:11-12, NIV
    Titus 2:4-5

    There is simply no limit to this kind of irony!

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