Jesus Died For Your Donuts

I have no idea how someone could watch something like this without seeing how ridiculous it is. I think I would rather believe the producers and actors were laughing all the way to the bank, rather than the alternative…

I feel bad for the kids who are forced to watch crap like this all day.

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61 Responses to Jesus Died For Your Donuts

  1. Custador says:

    I’ll see you that funny video and raise you: http://www.funny-videos.co.uk/videorainbowtwanger.html

    Rainbow was the seminal kids’ show of my generation, and when they were cancelled, they decided to make this, their last ever episode, as a final “phuk-joooooo!” to ITV. I don’t think it ever aired, but it is absolutely hillarious :D

  2. Offred says:

    The comments on You Tube are pretty good too.

  3. mahousniper says:

    I like how the kids all wear labels for exactly what kind of people think this is a good program.

  4. Roger says:

    One minute and eleven seconds. That was all I could take. “The Bible says that we used to belong to the Devil. But God wanted us back.” Are you kidding me? Where the FRAK did the Bible ever say that? What retarded nonsense.

    • Custador says:

      That’s almost exactly where I had to stop it, too :)

      • amalia says:

        me too. You either have to laugh about it or cry because they’re doing this to children. Reminds me of what Dawkins says in ‘the god delusion’ about children being indoctrinated this or any other way.

    • Travis says:

      I’m going off memory now, so someone else may need to fill in some gaps in my knowlege here but I’ll give it a shot. As I understand it, supposedly when Adam and Eve ate the magic No-no fruit, and God got all mad at them, Satan somehow got control over the keys to the kingdom, The earth kingdom. Some christians believe thats what jesus did when he was dead for those 3 days, was going to get the keys back, and also preaching to all the people who died before God mercifully sent Jesus to let them be saved from hell, they were in some sort of limbo paradisey place that was hell adjacent.

      If I understand further, this sort of limbo place Jesus preached at was later tossed into hell when God was done with it because there were too many God damn’d sinners and he hadn’t allocated enough room for all there filthy souls. At the very least I know that god does expand hell at one point in scripture, I don’t know if it says how God did it though, but either way you’d think a perfect god could at least build hell big enough to accomadate all the people he already knows are being sent there.

      • Roger says:

        I am so using “the magic No-no fruit” from now on.

      • Mogg says:

        I think it depends what kind of church you went to. I thought Limbo was something only the Catholics believed in. I sure don’t remember anything about God expanding Hell in Scripture.

        • Reginald Selkirk says:

          I thought Limbo was something only the Catholics believed in.

          The Catholics are now officially unsure about Limbo.

          • Mogg says:

            Ahh, it says there that Limbo was a medieval idea – although it does sound similar to the Old Testament’s all-purpose world of the dead, Sheol.

        • Travis says:

          I could be remembering wrong but I’m pretty sure I read something about god having to increase the size of hell because of how awful we were. Maybe in revalations or something…

          As for the limbo, my church always reffered to it as paradise to avoid looking like they were stealing from catholisism. Plus thats where old testament people went, and obviously they couldn’t go to heaven because you can only get there by jesus. Lets just leave it at religions are weird and come up with stupid stuff to try and prop up a poorly written book.

          • Roger says:

            One would think that the omniscient deity who exists outside of our space-time continuum wouldn’t have to increase the size of Hell, as he would have created it to the proper dimensions in the first place.

            But then again, we are talking about a deity whose lack of clarity and specificity has led to the creation of at least three religions that all claim to follow him, not to mention the couple of times (at least!) he wanted to or did destroy humanity and start over again.

  5. Rebecca says:

    I honestly don’t know how I sat through that……I almost stopped it but then thought I might get another laugh. The ONLY place I laughed was when the kids answered what god’s special money was: BLOOD!

    LMAO it brings all new meaning to the term “blood money”

    What kind of teaching is that? We’re “bought” with “blood”???? oy.

  6. billybee says:

    They should have showed how hell is like the 900 degree doghnut fryer !!

    “Hey kids!, stick your hand in here and experience what “bad people” have to look forward to!!”
    This is FUN, huh? …he ..he…he…haw..haw…haw…hummmm…

  7. George says:

    “He shed his blood for us!”

  8. Travis says:

    Boo bring back Superbook! does anyone else remember that cartoon series? When I was 5 I thought that show was the best thing ever. That and The Flying House, which I always had thought was the same show but they were just really closely developed.

    I remember as a kid being kinda dissapointed that the bible doesn’t ever mention ANY of these time traveling kids or there kickbutt robot companions. They helped out at every bible story and still don’t get no respect.

  9. 1:32 was all i could stand

  10. Ty says:

    Man, I’d kill Jesus for a good donut right now.

  11. Silky J says:

    So Bob Villa is Jesus?

  12. sup says:

    Was it just me or were those doughnuts speaking in tongues?

  13. Alexis says:

    So,if god wants his people to see his message clearly, why do some need glasses. Wouldn’t god give his favored flock 20/20 eye sight?

  14. zack says:

    Holy shit wtf was that. Disturbing. That girl on the right doesn’t look all there. Man religious programs come up with some of the most disturbing and warped shows….. it’s just creepy. And to think they shovel this crap to their kids all day.

  15. Tucker Wright says:

    Just for my own amusement, I had my 5 yr old watch this. He seriously sat there with WTF face during the entire thing. He seemed rather disturbed by the talking lump of bread or whatever and asked me to turn it off. Smart kid.

  16. Olaf says:

    Actually this is a very nice video. Also you have to think within the context of a child this is very effective and in my eyes not even brainwashing. It is just a happy message about love and to make the children feel good. Just like a fairytale bed time story about a magic fairy that does nice things. You could easliy replace God with some other fictive character like sainta clause and it would be as happy as this.

    As an atheist I would probably also sing this song with my children with teh difference that I know that it is just a fairy tale.

  17. Krysta says:

    I had this on VHS. I used to watch it. A lot.
    Is it any wonder that I’m now an agnostic, feminist, metal music-loving Goth?

  18. Aaron says:

    wait, did i just hear “God is a tool we cannot see”?

  19. Mark D says:

    There is a cable station called “Smile of the Child” (owned by TBN) they show this type of crap 24/7.

  20. Lowrack says:

    That was worse than any nightmare I’ve ever had. I couldn’t help, but feel the urge to find the a-hole who starred in that and beat him to within an inch of his life. They’re feeding this shite to children…

  21. erichamby says:

    OMG the donut man. i havent seen this guy in ages… since i was forced to watch it has a kid haha.

  22. t m says:

    Oh my goodness! I remember watching these also!
    I loved them… and it’s so scary to me that when I watch this now…. well, it isn’t that scary. :(

    I guess that’s why they call it brainwashing, kids!
    ehhhh.

  23. Brian says:

    “god’s special money = jesus’ blood”

    What’s the christian obsession with blood?

  24. Icanread says:

    As soon as I saw the title of this post I was hoping it would be the donut repair club. I used to have a VHS of a live show they did. I bet I still have it somewhere…

  25. Yoav says:

    Religion is like doughnuts look all nice and sugar coated but if you eat too much of it you’ll end up dead from a heart attack.

  26. Blood! Always with the blood! There’s a Pentecostal Church around the corner from where I work, that has a fountain in front, underneath a big, white cross, lit with red spotlights. It is a big, gory fountain of blood. There’s not a single reference in the whole of Christian scripture to blood doing what it’s supposed to do: flowing through our veins and providing our bodies with sustenance. If they’re not buying something with it, they’re spilling it or drinking it. Get over the blood already!

  27. Alexis says:

    My nephew and niece were into “Veggie Tales”. I could never force myself to view them. Is Donuts more or less bizarre than Veggies?

  28. GeekGirl says:

    *does the Corinthians hoe-down*

  29. Tilly says:

    Halloween, 1995. My mom told me we werent allowed to go trick-or-treating and instead we had to go see the donut man. THIS GUY!! Talk about repressed childhood memories flooding back to me…

  30. AnonyMouse says:

    Okay, let me see if I’ve got this right: the Devil owns everyone by default, but Jesus wants to buy us back, so he offered himself as a sacrifice to pay for our return.

    OH MY GOSH. This is actually starting to make sense!

    The sacrifice wasn’t to God. It was to the Devil. The Devil had a grip on human souls, so Jesus agreed to an exchange: he would travel to Hell and be tormented for three days. In exchange, the human souls (who just aren’t as much fun to play with as Jesus) would be spared. There was one caveat, however: the humans had to ask to be spared. What happened afterward was basically a cosmic chess game between Jesus and the Devil – Jesus trying to persuade humans to accept the exchange, Satan trying to convince them that they didn’t need to.

    God is all-powerful and created the world and all that, but since he is eternal and unchanging and yadda he doesn’t really care what happens to the people of Earth. He just mediates to make sure that nobody cheats. Coming to Earth to talk to humans directly would qualify as cheating, which is why no one has actually seen Jesus in thousands of years – the rules stipulated that he only had a few years in which to get the message out.

    The idea is that once Christianity reaches a certain level of establishment, it becomes the Devil’s turn to run a recruitment drive. Since the odds are already stacked in his favor, though, he’s only allowed about four years to do it. After this point Jesus will return, they’ll duke it out over the last few souls, and then the Devil will be sent back to Hell to enjoy his prize while the ones Jesus managed to save will live on Earth.

    It’s too bad this is completely sacrilegious, because I could actually see myself believing a premise like this.

  31. DBN says:

    I wasn’t sure I could make it through the whole thing. I wanted to puke several times out of confusion and dizziness. The donuts on hard-hats: whaaaa??? Got a lot of laughs out from ya’all’s comments though.

  32. etrine says:

    I grew up with this stuff!
    My parents used to take me to his concerts!
    The Donut Man!
    He used to give out free donuts at concerts!
    It’s really funny watching this stuff now 20 years later

  33. digsclarity says:

    I must not be smarter then a fith grader, I just don’t get it. Hammers, saws, great big pearl, donuts, ho down, devil, blood, corinthians, scary pervy looking guy ……. Was there a lesson in there somewhere?

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