Stereotyping People By Their Favorite Author

Lauren Leto (creator and co-founder of the popular Texts From Last Night) wrote a hilarious post on stereotyping people by their favorite author. Here are some of my favorites:

J.D. Salinger

Kids who don’t fit in (duh).

Stephenie Meyer

People who type like this: OMG. Mah fAvvv <3 <3.

Lauren Weisberger

Girls who can’t read. Or think.

Christopher Hitchens

People I would love to hang out with.

Leo Tolstoy

Guys I want to date.

Fyodor Dostoevsky

Guys I want to sleep with. (The difference between the two Russian authors lies in the fact that I think the Underground Man is sexier than Pierre Buzukhov).

Ayn Rand

Workaholics seeking validation.

Jane Austen (or Bronte Sisters)

Girls who made out with other girls in college when they were going through a “phase”.

Charles Dickens

Ninth graders who think they’re going to be authors someday but end up in marketing.

William Shakespeare

People who like bondage.

Mark Twain

Liars.

Thomas Aquinas

Premature ejaculators.

H.P. Lovecraft

People who can quote the Comic Book Guy from Simpsons.

C.S. Lewis

Youth group leaders who picked their nose in the 4th grade.

Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Men who can’t lie but will instead be silent if they know you don’t want to hear the truth.

Richard Dawkins

People who have their significant other grab them under the table in order to shut them up whenever someone else at a dinner says something absolutely ridiculous and wrong.

She missed an obvious one, though — people who say their favorite author is God…

  • claidheamh mor

    I love Mark Twain.

    And H.P. Lovecraft. And Ray Bradbury. You are loved more than you could have dreamed of! And maybe, Ray, more than you know.

  • Elemenope

    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Sommeliers.

    LOL!

  • dutchhobbit

    She also forgot Douglas Adams. People who name him as their favorite author don’t take life seriously and think it a party and an adventure.

    • Daniel Florien

      She does list him actually, I just didn’t excerpt it.

      • LRA

        What does it mean that I love Marguerite Duras? And Zora Neale Hurston? And Mark Strand?

  • Thegoodman

    I like the Tucker Max reference.

    Unfortunately, according to the definition, he is my favorite author.

  • Revyloution

    HAH! Ive never read Richard Dawkins, but by your description I must be one of his biggest fans. At a dinner recently, I was reminded of that song by Tim Minchen where he sings about a dinner argument. For once I kept my mouth shut, and just let the woo woo pass me by. On the way out the door my wife pulled me aside and actually thanked me for staying quiet.

    I got over my love of Ayn Rand about 8 years ago, but my first love will always be Mark Twain. Im curious why you call Twainites (Twainers? Twainies?) liars.

  • nazani14

    By all means, read Dawkins and Hitchens. And then bemoan the fact that two brilliant men who should be devoting all their time to true scientific research and investigative reporting have gotten sidetracked into amusing, but ultimately pointless debates with religious nuts who do not understand the concepts of logic, evidence, or debate.

    • Barry

      i do agree they have been sidetracked, i think you may have missed the hitchens/craig debate for you to make such a blanket statement.

  • Siberia

    Oi, I read Jane Austen/Brontë sisters and never made out with a girl. Clearly I am doing something wrong.
    (Probably because I can’t stand most girls. Not even said authors’ main characters.)
    (Ironically one of my favorite colors is hunter green. Well, and navy blue and black and… oh dear…)
    (And I don’t even know what “golf head covers” are. So there.)

  • LaurenL

    Hi! I love this site. Happy to have found it.

    God
    People who are too scared of themselves to admit that the Bible is boring.

  • Tilly

    people who say that their favorite author is god– those that seek absolution for being coyote uglied and justification for being haughty.

  • Jerdog

    Ironically (given the previous post) my favorite is Terry Pratchett. I take very little seriously.

  • Joe B

    I was disappointed mine wasn’t listed. Micheal Lewis (author of Moneyball and The Blindside).

  • Barry

    Vonnegut- lol listening to creep during sex

    where’s B. Russell, Chesterton, Derrida? those would have been good

  • Bissrok

    You know what? Not reading Dostoevsky or Tolstroy, even if it means getting laid.

    • Logan

      You’re missing out. Crime and Punishment is one of my favorite novels, and “The Death of Ivan Ilych” is one of my favorite short stories.

      • metalcynic

        I agree: ‘Family Happiness’ (Tolstoy) is well worth the read; and The Brothers Karamazov (Dostoevsky) is a novel that I’ve re-read several times over the years.

        I’m adding my voice to the others who don’t see the “Twain == Liars” connection … if you’ve never read “The War Prayer” or “To the person sitting in darkness” you owe it to yourself to do so rather than going through life thinking that Twain is all Jumping Frogs, Puddin’ Heads, and Whitewashing Aunt Polly’s Fence (not that there’s anything wrong with any of those); and ‘Letters to the Earth’ wouldn’t hurt your education any either : )

        • Kodie

          I’d hazard to guess anyone who says Mark Twain is their favorite author doesn’t read or reads trash, and can’t name anyone else who is respectable should the question come up.

          • metalcynic

            So, if I’m understanding you correctly, you’re assuming that people who claim Mark Twain ‘as their Favorite Author’ are actually doing so only because they don’t really want to own up to their current Charlaine Harris/Llaural K. Hamilton/Stephanie Meyer fetish? And that they are, therefore, reaching back to that time when they were forced to read “Huckleberry Finn” in 9th grade English Class because the the name “Mark Twain” is easier to dredge up than, say, “Harper Lee”?

            In other words it’s not the people who actually ARE fans of Twain; but rather the people who would be likely to CLAIM to be fans of Twain should the topic of books/authors come up in polite company?

            :::ponders:::

            That angle actually makes a perverse kind of sense now that I think about it.

            I dunno why I wasn’t paying more attention to the fact that this isn’t a list of authors (or their works), but rather a list of people who claim to like said authors … I blame lack of coffee :P

            In fact, now that I’m looking at it in that light, I’m remembering several awkward conversations that I had with people back when the LOTRs movies first came out: while I’m not a huge Middle Earth Fanboy myself (having read the books exactly ONCE in jr high school); I DID sit down and re-read them each for a second time just prior to watching their respective movies. And it happened more than once during that period that someone would allow as how LOTRs was their FAVORITE series EVAR!!!! and, further, how they “went back and re-read them again every year! And yet when I’d pipe up and say, “Cool! I just re-read them myself: what did you think about {{ insert any random deviation in the movies or other trivia that should be bloody obvious to anyone who’s EVER read the damned books let alone re-read the damned things every damned year for the last 20 years }}” and then there would follow this painfully pregnant pause because those people had no idea why I thought it was annoying as all hell that Arwen (Liv Tyler) showed up in the second movie to help Frodo across the river or who Tom Bombadil was and why I was so GLAD he’d been cut or … anything at all because, in point of fact, they had NOT READ THE BOOKS. AT ALL! EVER!!!

            Ahem.

            To this day when I hear someone claim that they “re-read {{ insert currently trendy title(s) }} EVERY YEAR” I’m inclined to think Comic Book Guy style “geeker-than-thou poseur.” But it’s less the “it’s my favorite book/author” and more the absurd level of claimed devotion to the same: It’s like the Xians who claim to “read the Bible every day” while being unable to name the 10 commandments, the 4 gospels, or catch obvious allusions to biblical stories like “seeing the writing on the wall” or “using a shibboleth.”

            So I STILL wouldn’t assume that someone who said ‘Mark Twain was their favorite author’ was either dishonest nor covering up for a love of trashy fiction (baring further evidence) … it’s not at all like claiming “the Bible is my favorite book” which would get you points with a religious crowd; or “Meyer is my favorite” which might actually get you laid if you were still in High School (and looking to hook up with a High Maintenance Drama Queen type); or even “Dawkins is my favorite” which would have the same effect in an Atheist heavy crowd as the Bible would in a Xian heavy one … with whom would one score points for claiming Mark Twain?

            • Siberia

              had no idea why I thought it was annoying as all hell that Arwen (Liv Tyler) showed up in the second movie to help Frodo across the river or who Tom Bombadil was and why I was so GLAD he’d been cut or …

              Yes.

              I had a serious “wait, what?” moment there. Especially since, dreading the books as I do, I couldn’t even remember who the hell Arwen was, since I don’t remember her showing up all that much in the LOTR books.

            • Siamang

              That would be the first movie.

              Frodo crosses the ford in the first movie.

            • metalcynic

              @Siamang: Sorry, You are correct :::blushes:::

              I saw the movies once each in the theater; don’t own the DVDs; and read the books a second time just prior to watching the films … so I’m an opinionated Geek (is there any other kind?); but hardly an expert!

              In my defense: Fellowship of the Rings (in either medium) doesn’t really END; it just sorta breaks story mid-stride and then picks up again in the next book/movie … the whole thing blurs together in my head into one big story. o_O

              But, even having said all of that, I’m still 99% sure that Liv/Arwen showed up unexpectedly in the SECOND movie in addition to having been studio-inserted into the Ford scene in the FIRST … in a dream sequence maybe? I distinctly remember people complaining about it at the time (I watched the films with a horde of fellow geeks) and I had just reread the books myself so it would have jumped out at me … but it’s been quite a while and I might be imagining things : )

              @Siberia: That scene was especially jarring for me because the COVER of the old paperback book which I had (literally) just re-read a few days before watching the movie had an illustration like this!

              So when Certain People later claimed to have “re-read the LOTRs books EVERY SINGLE YEAR for DECADES” yet seemed mystified as to why that scene in the movie bugged the rest of us (who had, you know, ACTUALLY READ THE DAMNED BOOKS)… weeellllllllll.

            • Siberia

              That scene was especially jarring for me because the COVER of the old paperback book which I had (literally) just re-read a few days before watching the movie had an illustration like this!

              Hah, that would be jarring.
              I didn’t remember Arwen, but I *did* remember Tom Bombadil (I read it for the first time before the movies came out, too)… so I was like… “uh… does not compute… who’s that lady, again??”

              They just had to shoehorn a lady that wasn’t Éowyn and Galadriel in the story – a story where ladies aren’t all that relevant. Besides, the ending wouldn’t make sense at all if people didn’t even know who the hell Arwen was and why Aragorn was marrying her. But yeah, I know what you mean: jarring indeed, and pretty telling when people won’t even recognize such a major change. Liars, liars…

              In my defense: Fellowship of the Rings (in either medium) doesn’t really END; it just sorta breaks story mid-stride and then picks up again in the next book/movie … the whole thing blurs together in my head into one big story. o_O

              Well, it’s supposed to be; a very long story, but one story nonetheless. :)

  • Logan

    Chuck Palahniuk – “boys who can’t read”?
    I find Palahniuk’s work fascinating, and I’m not just saying that because of Fight Club. I’ve read about half of his material.

    • Siberia

      Cheers.
      But I’m a girl, so I don’t count.

    • random guy

      I think a better description for Chuck would be “teenagers who pay for a Che Guevara T-shirt”.

      His books are entertaining but the real die-hard fans seemed to be this odd mix of anarchists/communists who don’t know what they’re talking about. Especially after the Fight Club movie.

  • vorjack

    i think he missed the mark with H.P. Lovecraft. I know a lot of pretentious intellectuals – myself included – who adore Lovecraft but won’t admit to watching five minutes of the Simpsons.

  • Kimberly

    Daniel Quinn, Phillip Pullman, and Ayn Rand…how would one define me??? :)

    • Daniel Florien

      Hmm… a hippie atheist with a desire to get rich? ;)

  • Mark D

    people who say their favorite author is God
    Someone who hasn’t read god’s book from cover to cover.

  • Pingback: Stereotypes…following the links « bekahcubed

  • MakeANoise

    what? No Noam Chomsky?

  • jared

    What about Dan brown?


CLOSE | X

HIDE | X