Georgia Says No To Sexual Microchips

You might not know that sexual microchips are a big deal, but it seems to be in Georgia:

The Georgia House Judiciary Committee took up a bill last week that would “prohibit requiring a person to be implanted with a microchip,” and would make violating the ban a misdemeanor. According to a report in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, one exchange from the hearing could have been ripped right from Dr. Strangelove.

The Journal-Constitution reports that things started getting weird when a woman who described herself as a resident of DeKalb County told the committee: “I’m also one of the people in Georgia who has a microchip.” Apparently no lawmaker took this as a warning sign, and she was allowed to continue her testimony.

“Microchips are like little beepers,” the woman told the committee. “Just imagine, if you will, having a beeper in your rectum or genital area, the most sensitive area of your body. And your beeper numbers displayed on billboards throughout the city. All done without your permission.”

“Ma’am, did you say you have a microchip?” state Rep. Tom Weldon (R) asked the woman.

“Yes, I do. This microchip was put in my vaginal-rectum area,” she replied.

No one laughed. State Rep. Wendell Willard (R), chairman of the House Judiciary Committee, asked her who had implanted the chip.

“The Department of Defense,” she said.

Willard thanked the woman for her input, and the committee later approved the bill.

Someone please tell me this is made up. Please.

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  • NDDave

    Sorry, the Georgia state government *is* actually that dumb.

  • Custador

    Oh come on! That can’t be real!

  • Yoav

    Is vaginal-rectum something you get as a result of your parents being cousins?

    • Melissa

      I’m just worried that she said ‘vaginal-rectum area’, it’s so vague. I would think that if you were getting a mircochip implanted into you, you would want to know where it is. Not just, oh somewhere down there.

      • Mirroreyes

        On 30 Rock they called this area the “Chuckle”.

      • Janet Greene

        Yes, it was implanted in the “dark place” where satan resides.

    • GDad

      It’s called a “cloaca.” Mammals generally don’t have one, though.

  • yahweh

    I bet this woman is a teabagger.

    • vorjack

      I’m guessing clinically paranoid. She’s in need of help, and I hope that she gets it. If the legislature has a drop of humanity, they quietly shuttled her off to the hospital after that performance.

      • JohnMWhite

        If they sent her off to a hospital I’m pretty sure the story would have become something about a ‘government takeover of health care’. And maybe a ‘sanity panel’.

  • mikespeir

    I know I’m relieved.

  • Brian

    It’s all true. Rachel Maddow had a segment on it the other day.

    • Custador

      Just… WOW.

  • DDM

    I am APPALLED this is not from The Onion. This is crazy!

  • Nelly

    I will never be able to hear the song “Georgia on my mind” again without thinking about this…..

  • Paul

    I suppose this answers the question of who is more foolish, the fool or those who follow the fool…

  • wintermute

    I forget who, but I saw one commentator say that if someone really is going around forcing microchips into people’s genitalia, it should damn well be more than a misdemeanor…

  • Jerdog

    I suppose someone *could* put their cell-phone there.

    • trj

      Cell phone technology has come a long way…

      • Revyloution

        There are even some people who deserve to have their phone forcibly inserted in their rectal area.

    • Siberia

      It’s not uncommon to fits cellphones and drugs in various body orifices to bypass prison security, at least over here (and I’m sure over there, too).

      I wonder if these microchips vibrate, too.

  • DCtouristsANDlocals

    Wait, I can’t access the youtube video from work. What is the microchip for? Does it vibrate or something?

    • DCtouristsANDlocals

      and why would the DoD care?

      • CoffeeJedi

        See, you’re thinking like a normal person, you need to put yourself in the mindset of a paranoid schizophrenic like this worman.

      • CoffeeJedi

        But more seriously, this is all tied into hand-wringing over fundy fascination with the end of the world, and the “mark of the beast” being used to track people.

        • yahweh

          So true. I have known fundies who believe the supermarket scanner was invented by satan to start the indoctrination of the “mark of the beast”.
          I wondered why the cashier tried to stick my “shoppers card” in my a*s. Must be satan.

          • Gringa

            My bad, this is just plain bizarre. The DoD can’t even perform operations within the United States. If anyone in the gov’t did it, it would be the Department of the Interior (pun intended) or Homeland Security.

            I did meet an Australian guy in an airport once who recommended that we all get barcodes tattoed onto our foreheads. I bet it would make all that ID checking go faster!

            • Gringa

              PS he was kidding.

          • Janet Greene

            And the airmiles card? Definitely demonic. Especially if you use it to travel to Georgia.

  • claidheamh mor

    This is too weird. Vibration requires a motor. High frequency vibration could be done with a speaker, or a piezoelectric speaker, but then, we know those frequencies as sound. Play a song for your perineum?

    Radio frequency is used in just about any electronic equipment: phones, scanners which are often rado devices now, computers… but she’s not gonna feel that either.

    She could probably get her jollies by donning an aluminum foil hat, sitting under a pyramid framwork, and placing some of Coffee Jedi’s f*#&ing magnets in strategic locations.

    • CoffeeJedi


  • Thegoodman

    As an electrical engineer, I can technically say that all of the “concerns” with implanted devices is completely unwarranted. These morons have watched too many movies and have too little understanding of the technology that drives the devices.

    Most, if not all, proposed implanted electronic devices operate as an RFID device. Anything more will require a power source which obviously cannot be implanted, at least not permanently. Any sort of signal sending device, like a tracking device, will require far too much power to be effective as an implant.

    The implants I have seen are the size of a small pill and simply carry a number on them. If the person puts the implanted part of their body near the proper reading device, it will read the number and identify the person. Access cards, free-pass toll cards, and similar devices all work the exact same way. The implant will contain no information and send out no signals.

    This is such a stupid concern I am embarrassed that the courts even addressed it. Also, this woman is clearly insane.

    No good Department of Defense secret employee will implant microchips in holes, they make their own holes!

    • Yoav

      You say that because you don”t have access to the secret alien technology the government use to make the chips.

      • Olaf

        See the existance if this microchip clearly proves the existance of aliens!

    • Michael

      Well, you can mount the power supply elsewhere. For example, people with deep brain stimulation typically have the battery implanted below the collarbone.

    • Bryan Elliott

      For clarity: RFID devices do not actually return the number they represent.

      Similar to the way passwords are matched, the RFID reader sends a request to the RFID chip with a unique transaction token. The RFID chip responds with a hash of the token and the number that cannot be decrypted. The RFID reader then submits the transaction token and RFID hash to a central database with a request for identity.

      In short, the RFID number is never transmitted wirelessly, nor is anything that can be man-in-the-middled to get the RFID number. Only one entity ever knows what your RFID number is, or can identify you by your chip: the issuer of the chip.

      • Michael

        a hash of the token and the number that cannot be decrypted.

        Like a one-time pad or what? Can’t the token be intercepted?

        nor is anything that can be man-in-the-middled

        In the government, I would be most worried about the leaks happening at the issuer’s end anyways, after the identity had already been determined. But there is no cryptographic way to stop that.

      • trj

        Is the reader device required to authenticate itself before reading from the central database? Otherwise you can just acquire your own reader to scan the RFID chips – no man in the middle required.

  • idioteque

    And he causeth all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and bond, to receive a mark in their right hand, or in their foreheads, or up their ass…?

  • idioteque

    Meanwhile, the shooting outside the Knoxville TN hospital a couple days ago was done by a mentally unstable man who wanted to kill the doctor he claimed put a microchip in him when his appendix was removed. He should’ve also spoken at the Georgia legislature’s hearing…

  • Sundog

    Well, their reasons for doing so are clearly idiotic woo, but I actually like the decision itself. We’re getting to the point (if we’re not there yet) where implanted devices of various types will start to make sense. Bodily Sanctity (basically, “What gets implanted in/removed from my body is my choice”) is something I suspect will be a big issue in the near future – if so, Georgia will appear far-sighted.

    • Elemenope

      Word. Right move for the wrong reasons is still the right move.

      • DDM

        I can think of a few instances where this is a bad thing(none of them involving criminals), but overall it’s good. If for a crazy reason.

    • idioteque

      But this has long been covered by HIPAA regulations to begin with.

      • Sundog

        A little reinforcement doesn’t hurt.

    • Olaf

      No it is not. It is pointless to be against this chip.
      If you have this chip or not it does not matter. There are 100 other ways to track you right now.

      Your Cell phone signal, when you pay with your visa card, your car plate gets scanned, security camera’s, your blue-tooth in your cell phone, laptop or ear piece, your finger prints, your ear print, your DNA it all gives off traces so you can be tracked…. The only missing thing is a database that connect these different sources.

      An anal chip implant would be pointless and would not have any effect that is not already there.

      • Siberia

        Google offers a service that does exactly that – tracks your location via GPS and shows it to those people you’ve allowed to track you. I know my sister can track her husband’s location via his cell and vice-versa. She tried to track me, too, but I didn’t let her.

        Then again, I suppose you can leave your cellphone behind, but not your ass…

  • nazani14

    An acquaintance of mine who runs a boarding kennel (the Bed ‘n Biscuit) laments that she can microchip her AKC-registered pooches, but not her dad, who occasionally tries to hitch a ride to a Woolworth’s that hasn’t existed for many years. H doesn’t take any ID with him because the soda jerks know him.

    • Gringa

      Haha, but no one would know to scan him for the microchip! Perhaps she should get him a dog collar, the good old-fashioned kind that says “REWARD. If found please call…” Permanent marker might also work.

  • Bryan Elliott

    How about we get an X-Ray of this lady’s junk to corroborate her story? Think I’m being harsh? She’s accusing the DoD of implanting her with a microchip against her will. I’m not saying that it’s impossible, but that’s a strong accusation. If true, it needs addressed. Given that extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence, we should be able to require a look inside to see the chip. If it’s present, we should get it removed (something I’m sure she’ll agree to) and held for evidence.

    I’m not kidding. She’s making serious claims to a US senator; if she really believes what she’s saying, we need to investigate, and the investigation MUST start with the subject of the claim.

    • Sunny Day

      its a spiritual implant.

    • Will

      Check out this link:

      If you think this lady in Georgia is crazy…….. she might not be. But those who implanted her probably are.

      • Yoav

        You dropped your tinfoil hat.