The Holy Bible, King James Version, is the Word of God in the English language. It is superior to all other holy books. It is higher than all other philosophies. When any man’s words contradict the Bible, the Bible is ALWAYS RIGHT, and those who disagree are ALWAYS WRONG. God’s Word is the most beautifully written book. It contains the best poetry; it reveals the most practical wisdom; it clearly reveals man’s sin problem, as well as God’s solution in Jesus Christ. Besides all this, it is the only book that is RIGHT! If you believe everything you read, you better stick with the Bible!
The Bible is superior to the Koran because it IS the written Word of God. It is superior to the Book of Mormon because its geographical landmarks actually existed. It is superior to the evolution textbook because it is filled with facts, not a bunch of words like “approximately,” “perhaps,” “could have been,” “possible that,” and other indefinite wordings. The Bible is the ONLY source of absolute truth. God Almighty is clear, concise, and definite when He speaks.
You may disagree with God’s Word, but know this: God’s Word will be the last word! God’s Word will be final and forever!
And sadly, this is real, not a Poe. It sure does sound like one though!
No it sounds genuine. Like a typical fundamentalist sermon.
Saying I’m absolutely right makes me absolutely right? I’m going to remember that.
Yeah. Facepalm is right.
Double facepalm at that.
Because we know having sheep f-k in front of a striped pole gets striped progeny.
Haaaaaahahaaahaaaa!!!!!! Yup. And pi is 3.
Plus, bats are birds and insects have four legs…
… and Earth received sunlight for 3 days prior to the existence of the Sun. The Earth is flat, and every star in the Universe is contained inside our atmosphere. Snakes talk, as do donkeys, and fruit gives you knowledge of good and evil. Unicorns, dragons, satyrs, and 4 headed leopards are all real creatures. These along with every other creature (7 of most, 2 of others) were put into a 450′x75′x45′ container. And at one point around 3,000 years ago the Sun and Moon were briefly contained in a small valley in the Middle East.
Yes it is. Approximately at least ;-P.
Anyways nearer too the truth than what that poor misguided person wrote there about the “only true bible”.
Please lend me your hands for a mega face palm. Two hands seem to little to express the kind of feelings that emerge while reading this [censored by author].
I clicked on the post labeled “Atheism”. Apparently we tithe and everything:
Walk with me. I’d like to take you to the future. Let’s look at the world after the Lord Jesus Christ comes. First, I want to show you some things that have been destroyed as a result of His coming. Look here! Here’s a pile of rubbish. It was a massive structure before the Lord shook it down. It is the destroyed temple of atheism. People absolutely worshipped atheism. Atheists were so strong on their views that there is no supreme being to worship; yet they WORSHIP their idea of atheism. They even took up offerings and gave to their silly cause. Atheism had quite a crowd at one time, but it ended in one moment’s time. When the Lord came, atheism ceased.
…and here’s me without my wallet. How embarassing
And then there’s this precious jewel:
“Here’s a building that couldn’t stand the shaking – A Planned Parenthood building. An organization that stood for no other purpose than to assure every girl to her “right” to an abortion. But, along with all other murderers, they could not stand at the coming of the Lord. The United States government couldn’t keep this wicked organization from going under. Pro-choice leaders had quite a following – of course, until Jesus came and shook it off its foundation.”
What a rube. He even looks it in his picture.
So Jesus is coming back as a domestic terrorist?
So when the Bible disagrees with itself, does a black hole form?
Of course this doofus doesn’t allow comments. His faith must be awfully weak if he has to isolate it so strongly from alternate viewpoints.
“His faith must be awfully weak if he has to isolate it so strongly from alternate viewpoints.”
Pretty much exactly what the writer said himself, “If you believe everything you read, you better stick with the Bible”. Pretty sure he has not read the bible enough to know it disagrees with itself, and would call black holes a lie of science (not mentioned in the bible).
My other favorite bit of this was “It is superior to the Book of Mormon because its geographical landmarks actually existed”. Probably referring to the tower of Babel and Solomon’s temple.
If the Bible’s landmarks actually existed, why have we still not found the Garden of Eden or the Land of Uz?
Well, at least we managed to find the Ark. Five or six times, maybe more. So that part would be at least 500% correct.
I wonder if everyone who has found Jerusalem over the years helps swing the Bible’s accuracy into the positive by now.
Also, the best of poetry? The best? By whose standards?
My girlfriend and I recently read Genesis, Exodus, Job, Ecclesiastes and some of the Psalms as part of our reading of the classics together (we’re slogging through Herodotus now). My girlfriend has never read one word of it before. It has been years since I’ve read the Bible *as* a religious text, and I wanted to read it again strictly from the standpoint of literature this time around. We were sorely disappointed.
Yeah. I mean, there’s some good writing – even in English, which is a translation – but the absolute best?
I could have done without the begats, too.
I meant to add: The Epic of Gilgamesh, on the other hand, has some surprisingly moving passages regarding the death of Gilgamesh’s friend Enkidu. It is a far more human story than that of a jealous and arbitrary god.
I love Gilgamesh’s lament at the death of Enkidu. Love it. It’s one of the most moving things I’ve read.
And his soliloquy at the end of his journey, when he has come to accept mortality, is also quite beautiful.
I guess those people that were stuck with Hebrew, Koinos Greek or Latin for all those centuries before the KJV got a really sh!t deal then, eh?
Obviously this joker is feeling pretty insecure in his faith, otherwise he wouldn’t feel the need to stamp his feet so much.
I am envisioing him saying immediately after…. “Did I do good Jesus? Did I? Huh? Huh?” LMAO!
As a lit geek, I take the most ‘offense’ (as much as it can be taken from fundamentalists) from the “best poetry” line. There is far better literature around with much more beautiful imagery and much more profound metaphors and themes than the bible. That was actually one of my reasons for de-converting. I found more truth, beauty, wisdom and general ‘food for thought’ in “The Brothers Karamazov”, “The Idiot” and “East of Eden” than I ever did in the bible.
Definitely. In terms of influence, literary allusions and tropes, the Bible is important literature, but far from the best. In terms of depth and breadth of human feeling and thought, the Bible is quite limited. Even when the Bible expresses human doubt (as in Job, Ecclesiates or certain Psalms) it doesn’t go very far before it returns to a “faith” based on might-makes-right. It doesn’t really tolerate ambiguity.
How I *wish* it were a Poe speaking. But I’ve heard shit like this before.
And, unfortunately, I’ve overheard it. Even recently: I leave the 15-year-old manual-shift 4-cylinder pickup parked and ride the bus when I can. Some fat, red-faced, hard-bitten-looking guy with an obnoxious Joisey accent and a voice so loud I sometimes have to put in earplugs, rides the same time every morning and told someone, “The bible has all the answers. Read it. You’ll find out.”
Yeah, I did both. Read it, and found out all about its answers on viruses, bacteria, psychology and mental illness, disease prevention and microbiology and botany and metallurgy and technology and chemistry and astronomy and neurology —-
/sarcasm.
NOT!
This comes straight from Thomas Aquinas. Well, except the KJV part.
Actually, I never understood the obsession with the KJV. Maybe if you are Anglican that would make a little sense, but for other protestants? Why the KJV? It’s really a pretty poor translation, to be honest, and certainly outdated. As poetry, some of it is pretty good, but it isn’t unparalleled or anything, and it is far from literal.
But me? I absolutely know that there are absolutely no absolute truths.
There are of course other reasons, but I think all the thee’s and thou’s and the archaic prose found in the KJV impresses some believers. To them, it makes the Bible sound more important and adds to its authority. Bible thumpers like their Bible to carry authoritah.
It also includes a lot of after market modifications to support their brand of faith.
Ages ago, when I lived in Lousyana, I had a cushy job as a night guard and I would bring quite a few books with me to read (typically poetry, philosophy and literary criticism). One morning, close to the end of my shift, a woman glanced at my stack of books (not actually reading any of the titles) and then looked at me with suspicion. She turned to get on the elevator, and she shouted to me in a loud redneck drawl, “THE ONLY BOOK YEW NEED T’BE READIN’ IS THE BAH-BEL!!!!”
It is actually sad to me that anyone would feel the need for any one book to have “all the answers.” As if such a book ever has or ever will exist.
There will be. Galactic Encyclopedia.
Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy, too.
Think of how boring it would be to have one book with all the answers. The journey is half the fun. I prefer to read hundred of good books to find something approaching answers than to have 27 of whatever poorly written old texts.
I had a book called “The New Answer Book” when I was a kid. It didn’t contain ALL the answers, though, just some of them.
I’d be in bliss if I just had the owner’s manual for my smartypants boy child. Damn, that would be helpful.
Thus saith the R.T. Board.
I have a lot of books with half of the answers. The odds are in the back. But my Teacher’s Editions have all the answers.
If you want “Always right,” choose a math book.
Hahahahahha! Win!
We Know The Truth! We Are Right!
That’s why I always tune the radio to WKTT in Grand Theft Auto IV. I know it’s Poe, but it’s so funny…
It sorta reminds me of the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. The Bible is absolutely right at all times. If any discrepancy between the two is discovered then it is reality that has got it wrong.
.Biblical and other traditional texts that he mentioned are the products of human activity and are best understood through archaeology and other scientific analysis. It is synthesis of the Jewish and Greek mythology and in the future will be replace by new holy text that too will be replaced and so on and so on because it is not God that made Man. It is Man that makes Gods
I have a feeling that in the future someone will find some old books and DVDs and get the totally wrong idea, believing that 21st century humans worshipped some sort of Iron Man, who was part of a pantheon known as SHIELD.
lol true
That’s kinda silly. I love it when people try to tell me that God hates divorce because it says in the KJV and many other translations. The fact of the matter is, God doesn’t hate divorce. The Hebrew literally says, God hates putting away, which is what we would call separation or legal separation today.
http://isitbiblical.org/index.php?id=8382862012490646347
“You may disagree with God’s Word, but know this: God’s Word will be the last word! God’s Word will be final and forever!”
Yea, god spoke his last word in king james bible’s era and RIP is final and forever. I send my condolences.
Your simply ignorant of history .The King James version is an revision of the Tyndale Bible .Some modern computer comparisons have it at 90% for the New Testament and 75% for the Old .In 1535, William Tyndale was arrested by church authorities and jailed for over a year. He was tried for heresy, strangled and burnt at the stake for his work the heretical Tyndale Bible. Some 71 years later years fifty-four scholars some spent 5 years to write the KJV they drew significantly on Tyndale’s translations of Greek and Hebrew text careful to edit out any references that demanded allegiance to the Catholic church in Rome. It was politics as much as it was religion that caused it to come into being. If a book whose stories are extrapolated from the Avesta , Bhagavad-Gita, Torah ,classical ancient Greek literature and the writings of followers of Jesus (he authored nothing himself) compiled over thousands of years is the FINAL Word of God seems to me a little naïve .Given human history “Gods Word” will be edited again i.e. the Quran, The Book Of Mormon and again and again and again . Only in the last 200 years on the shoulders science has humanity developed the tools to seek the true nature of our vast universe and understand that we are part of an unbroken chain of life billions of years old do we have the hope the next “Gods Word” might resemble something closer to the truth of or existence.
and here I thought the KJV was the result of Buckingham sitting on the King’s lap and saying “Ooh, James, put some more abominations in it!”
It… wasn’t…?
lol ,right- its was about who he had in his lap or wanted in his lap…
And you’re simply ignorant of grammar and punctuation.
On the other hand… Kudos for a decent knowledge of history ;-)
^ humbled . You’re right I am
“Your simply ignorant of history”
So?
There is nothing unreasonable sending condolences to christians whose god died in king james’ era. Don’t be jealous because af a non existing god.
I meant He > facepalm
* He is simply ignorant about the history of the KLV
* KJV — I am no good at this
this asshat does have an email address under that high-school pic of him…..
I’m tempted
do it! do it!
Of course it’s always right, especially when the all knowing, omnipotent one can CHANGE HIS MIND!
KING: You paint the picture. Your—in the Old Testament—I’m not a Biblical scholar—you can’t eat shellfish. Do you eat shellfish?
BOTSFORD: Absolutely.
KING: You’re a sinner.
BOTSFORD: No I’m not. There are some things, Larry, that are very important to keep in context here. Although there are verses in the Book of Leviticus that say don’t eat shellfish, don’t wear clothes that have different materials on it, things that Jennifer has mentioned in the article that she has given in the news coming out—you know what, God changed his mind on shellfish.
KING: When did he do that?
BOTSFORD: There is a wonderful passage —
KNAPP: God changed his mind on mankind. And he gave his savior for one and for all.
BOTSFORD: He changed his mind, if I can finish, in Acts Chapter 10, to answer your question, Larry, on shellfish. And Cornelius has this amazing enlightenment, as Peter has this vision of the lord saying eat whatever you want.
KING: Peter may have been hungry. No pun intended.
http://www.religiondispatches.org/blog/mediaculture/2504/larry_king%E2%80%99s_immoral_debate_on_homosexuality_and_the_bible/
This schlock sounds exactly like my mother when she gets on one of her rants. She doesn’t believe that the Bible is infallible, thank my sister, but she is utterly convinced that her God is the final word on truth and will defend that belief to the death. Scary.
http://www.clarifyingchristianity.com/b_proof.shtml
Honestly Sarah try and get a brain before you post again … on the other hand you’re a great advertisement for why religion is a bad thing.
I’ll pray for you …
Wow, that’s painfully wrong.
“After all, if the Bible is not true or if it is filled with errors, Christianity would only be a “blind faith”—something people believe without any evidence to support it.”
The bible is filled with errors and contradictions and outright lies. Don’t be so damned stupid.
“After all, if the Bible is not true or if it is filled with errors, Christianity would only be a “blind faith”—something people believe without any evidence to support it.”
And?
I knew I would enjoy the part about angels:
”
Angels Are “Single”
We know from the Bible that angels do not get married.
”
Sarah – do you not see how absurd the above statement is?