Dead Dunking

Via Dangerous Minds, I found the blog Famous Dead Mormons: “Saved After Death, whether willing or not.” It lists some of the famous folks who have been posthumously baptized into the Church of Latter Day Saints. That’s “vicarious baptism” or “proxy baptism” to the Mormons, “dead dunking” to the ex-mormons.

I’m surprised it took them until the 1990s to baptize Alexander the Great, but baptizing Frank Zappa, Eazy-E and George Carlin is a bit much.

Seems like a good time to repost an old favorite…

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  • Marge

    Given that there’s a school of thought that Alexander thought he was a god himself, in the unlikely event of there being an afterlife there’s going to be a massive stushie. Also with Alexander’s ability to win against more powerful forces I now have an image of him relaxing on a bloodstained throne in the clouds going “Problem?”. Mormons should really think these things through.

    • trj

      Alexander was also claimed to have been born of a virgin (or sometimes he was claimed to have two gods as parents).

      Heaven would definitely be more interesting with him around.

  • Mike

    Where was Alexander between 323 BCE and 1990? What was he doing?

  • http://lydiafromtexas.wordpress.com/ LRA

    George Carlin??? THE George Carlin that abhorred religion???

    Why!?!?!

    That makes no sense. A lot like the Chewbacca defense.

    :P

    • UrsaMinor

      It was a spite baptism, no doubt.

      • WarbVIII

        always kinda liked spite as a rational for many things….

        • UrsaMinor

          “Yeah, Clem, now that he’s dead, let’s baptize that atheist f*cker. That’ll learn him!”

    • Yoav

      They’re magically recruiting dead people into their cult, I think they have left the realm of making sense long time ago.

  • vasaroti

    Having dabbled in genealogy a bit, I believe that if they baptized Alexander the Great, and no doubt ‘sealed’ him to a wife, that means that somebody is claiming descent from Alexander. This descent has been attributed to a son or daughter by his supposed concubine Barsine. This is pretty dubious, seeing that a man who married three women and had access to half the women in the world had only one child reliably attributed to him. They’d have better luck finding a Macedonian descent through the crusaders who married Armenians.
    This points out the problem with getting genealogy data from the LDS. Once they’ve ‘sealed’ someone to a supposed spouse, they won’t correct their records, even in the face of hard data.

  • Anais Ninja

    There was a big firestorm here (Utah) a few years ago because the Mormon Church had been found to have proxy baptized both Anne Frank AND Adolph Hitler. It caused a huge ruckus. They had baptized other Holocaust victims, too, of course but Anne Frank was the big one. There ended up being an agreement by the church that they wouldn’t allow such baptisms of Holocaust victims anymore (but it’s not really enforced, of course).
    I remember Mormons also asking what the big deal was, acting like it legitimized their practice. If their religion isn’t true, then why care? If it is true, then you should be happy. A Pascal’s wager for the posthumously dead dunked. Crazy will always find a way to up the ante.

  • 100meters

    Just when it couldn’t get any weirder…

    A thought has crossed my mind:

    Given that Mormons presumably share with other Xians the belief that god is omniscient, throughout past, present, and most importantly, future…and the firm conviction that all of Xianity’s structure and reason-for-being flow from Adam and Eve’s fall, then we have a conundrum.

    That is, if someone should decide (or long since has) to posthumously baptize Adam and Eve (leaving aside their wholly fictional existence) then wouldn’t the whole enterprise become unnecessary? Wow…”original sin” wiped out, and after the fact, yet!

    Groovy. Now I can sleep in on Sunday mornings (going on 56 years now, lol) with a clear conscience. BTW, does anyone know if they did this “after you are gone, you are joining us anyway” trick with jesus himself? Theology is so hard…who wants another frozen margarita?

    • Corpus

      Mormons do not believe in original sin. That was an early Catholic church construction, I believe by Augustine.

      From the LDS Articles of Faith: “We believe that men will be punished for their own sins, and not for Adam’s transgression.” Article of Faith 2.

      Specifically, Mormons believe that Adam and Eve introduced the *opportunity to sin* into the world, but that one is not born with sin, nor can one commit sin until the “Age of Accountability,” which the Church currently believes is 8-years old.

  • Hamish Milne

    Well, Mormons do have their uses. They do a lot of genaology in order to posthumously baptise them, so if you’re researching your family tree, a Mormon church is a good place to start.

    Also, that video is hilarious. “He loves you and he needs money!” LOL

    • vasaroti

      ” a good place to start.” Keeping in mind that you will have to go back to every original source listed to verify the information. As I said, they won’t correct their records.

  • drax

    For some reason this whole mess of retroactive baptism makes me sad, tomorrow I’ll likely be angry. Anybody really need a reason other than Mormonism to not consider Mitt Romney a fit candidate for President?

  • Len

    Sounds like a business opportunity. LDS could start a service whereby, for a small(-ish) fee, they baptise you into their church after you die. You get to live whatever life you want and do whatever you want all your life – and when you’re dead, they’ll get you saved anyway.

  • drax

    After Len’s comment another thought occurred to me. Shouldn’t the True Blue Mormons be pissed that these sinners, these blasphemers will get the same afterlife benefits without having to jump through all those Mormon hoops?

    Also, do they do retroactive baptisms on aborted fetuses?

  • Alexis

    I haven’t tried to verify this, but when I was a kid I heard that the Mormon’s proxy baptised all U.S. presidents (from Washington on down) because they could not live under a non-Mormon government. That means (in their view) that if Romney would win he won’t be the first Mormon president. Every president has been a Mormon president.


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