Jesus is Australian

That caught me off guard. I know that the anti-christ will be from Canada, but I kinda expected the big JC to come back in America. Still, Alan John Miller says he’s Jesus, and I think he’s serious:

“My name is Jesus, and I’m serious,” Miller said in a video recording from one workshop.

There, see?

Here’s the story from Adelaide now:

A couple who say they are Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene have set up base in Queensland’s Bible Belt.

The pair, real names Alan John Miller, who once lived in Loxton in South Australia’s Riverland, and Mary Suzanne Luck, operate from rural Wilkesdale near Kingaroy, where they have been joined by an increasing band of followers.


Miller bought a 16ha property at Wilkesdale in 2007 and his Divine Truth followers have since been buying nearby blocks to be close to the charismatic leader, 47, and alluring Luck, 32.

Locals and real estate agents confirmed the group had sparked an unlikely property boom, with estimates they have bought up to 30 blocks and with new properties in high demand.

Followers joined forces in 2009 to buy a $400,000, 240ha property where they hold weekly meetings and plan to build a centre catering for international visitors.

In a bizarre coincidence, land clearing has created a giant cross on neighbouring properties that can be seen from space using Google Maps. Local residents insisted it was not carved deliberately.

Here’s the “coincidence”:

Mr Miller was born in Loxton and has two children from a previous marriage, which he says ended after he “began to remember details” of his past life.

Tailoring his appearance to look like Jesus, he yesterday held a workshop in Albury, New South Wales, where he stood by his claims and said at least “30 or 40″ people had bought blocks around Wilkesdale.

“Mary and myself haven’t ever encouraged people to move out there. Some of the people we don’t even know,” he said.

In one recording he said: “There’s probably a million people who say they’re Jesus and most of them are in asylums. But one of us has to be. How do I know I am? Because I remember everything about my life.”

Why does one of the delusional people “have to be” Jesus?

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  • Francesco

    sooooo…basically a clever bastard who’s robbing people? Or a mad clever bastard who’s taking advantage of his megalomania

  • Bookingelf

    ….and some stupid people who all want to follow the leader… it really amazes me every day how this kind of things happen…

  • Rebekka

    It would be quite interesting to see his transformation… people looked a lot different when and where Jesus lived, he needs to shrink about 8 to 10 inches, get darker skin and ugly teeth LOL, but that of course does not work so well with getting followers, these poor souls that follow them… someone go and SAVE them!

  • Andrew Hall

    I don’t think Jesus would wear that shirt.And what’s going on with Mary’s funeral parlor chic look?

    • Len

      Christian goth? (ie, doing it wrong)

    • Malvond

      ha! you beat me. Jesus would never look like such a douchebag.

  • busterggi

    That cross looks more like a giant chicken footprint to me.

    • Spirula

      Or that God is a toddler or has Parkinson’s. I mean, that crosses symmetry it the best a divine being could do?

  • Cletus

    Lots of hungry people in the world. Lots of children among them. Maybe dude could multiply some loaves and fishes and feed everybody. That would go a long way towards legitimizing his claim.

    According to the story, Jesus never took, he only gave. Even washing the groty feet of others.

  • trj

    Why is it always white guys who claim to be Jesus?

    • Custador

      White male privilege and an unjust sense of entitlement, probably. That and a history of drug abuse.

    • Matt DeStefano
      • CardinalSmurf

        This list is now out of date. ;)

    • Bob Christ

      Because Jesus was a guy, you probably live somewhere where Christianity is the dominant religion, and you probably live somewhere where the majority of guys are white. Therefore it is statistically likely that anybody claiming to be Jesus would be a white guy.

      There are lots of black guys in Africa who claim to be Jesus. There are probably also a lot of Asian guys in the Philippines who also claim to be Jesus. Pick any non-white-majority country that is heavily Christian and you will find non-white people claiming to be Jesus.

      • wazza

        not to mention Moon

  • Yoav

    Some guy claiming to be god getting his followers to spend their life savings and move to a compound in a remote location, there’s no way this going to end well.

    • Igor

      Sure wish I had the Kool-Aid franchise there!

  • gringa

    We should totally open a McDonalds out there

  • CardinalSmurf

    “How do I know I am? Because I remember everything about my life.”

    Does he remember Aramaic? Hebrew? Arabic? I’m not a linguist, so I may have one of those wrong…but still….”everything??”

    • Igor

      Your Eminence: Great answer! He should be fluent in Aramaic if he remembers “everything”. I’m curious to see what his evasive answer will be when asked.
      Also, he should be quizzed on cubits, since he was a carpenter’s son. And where is the stigmata he so decidedly showed Thomas? “Oh, um…it wore off…or something…”

      • CardinalSmurf

        Or dare he go so far as to claim “stigmata are so last century!”

  • Chase

    “There’s probably a million people who say they’re Jesus and most of them are in asylums. But one of us has to be.”

    Stunning logic.

    • Jerdog

      Now replace people with religions and Jesus with One True Religion.

      tee hee

  • elivent

    Best quote from the article:

    “Cult watchers and the Anglican and Catholic churches are alarmed the pair, who ask followers to make donations to sustain them, could draw in the vulnerable.”

    Laughable. The compound thing, however, is a bit creepy.

    • UrsaMinor

      Creepy, yet oh so traditional.

  • Bob Christ

    I doubt he’s delusional. They both sound (and look) like yet another couple of slick con artists to me.

    • Nelly

      as PT Barnum so succinctly put it:

      There’s a SUCKER born every minute

  • Igor

    I have a Puerto Rican friend who says the same thing: “My name is Jesus, and I’m serious.”

    He also remembers everything about his life, and says he’s really Jesus.

    I’ve never doubted him.

  • john m

    there is a crappy aussie soap opera called home and away which had a story line about a mad religious cult. I believe their are probably quite a few ” beyond the black stump bush baptists” in Australia – we even have a few in New Zealand. As for white Christs! – wot about Jesus Chinese brother whose delusion caused the death of 10 million??? in the taiping civil war in china in the 1860s (made the US civil war look like a bar room brawl!)

  • Olaf

    We can easily test his claim. Nail him to a cross and see if he gets resurrected within 3 days.

  • Jing-Reed

    “Mr Miller was born in Loxton and has two children from a previous marriage, which he says ended after he “began to remember details” of his past life.”

    And which no doubt coincided with his serious humping of Mary Magdalene.

    • trj

      So Jesus is divorced. Ok then.

  • Marge

    Psychiatrist once observed to me that delusions follow fashions (for example no-one thinks they’re Napoleon these days), but there’s always people who think they’re Jesus. It’s the delusion that doesn’t bend to the vagaries of fashion!

    Though I do agree with comment above, that ‘con artist’ is much more likely than ‘delusional’.

  • Markus

    So Jesus is a surfer?

  •!/TennesseEMW Vol-E

    He’ll be strolling over to the US any day now.

  • Antonio Porto

    If he is called Jesus, just look at your documents, but
    she has good taste in women, it has.

    • UrsaMinor

      Did you use an automatic software translation? If so, please post again in your native language. Somebody here will be able to read it and translate it.