10 Terrible Christian Billboards

Christians are notorious for terrible billboards. Here are some of the worst…

1. Anti-God is Anti-American

Anti-god is anti-american; Anti-American is Treason; Traitors lead to Civil War

Impeccable logic…


2. “Well, you did ask for a sign.” -God

Well, you did ask for a sign. God.

Yes, but not another man-made one.


3. The POPE is the ANTI-CHRIST

The pope is the anti-christ

Free proof? That’s stupid… people dumb enough to believe this would pay money for the “proof.”


4. Judgment Day – May 21, 2011

Judgment day, May 21, 2011. Cry mightily unto God

The Bible guarantees it? I see that worked out well.


5. Christmas starts with baby Jesus ultrasound

He's on his way. Christmas starts with Christ.

Um… baby Jesus had an ultrasound? And he had a physical halo that it picked up? Or maybe this is the 2nd coming of baby Jesus?


6. “We are no longer a Christian nation.”

"We are no longer a Christian nation." Barack Obama

But they get mad when people “quote mine” the Bible.


7. Atheist: Someone who believes that nothing made everything

Atheist: someone who believes that nothing made everything

Christian: Someone who believes that something must create everything except for the something.


8. Homosexuality is a sin!

Homosexuality is not a family value. Homosexuality is a sin.

But let’s not talk about divorce, gluttony, lying, hate, pride…


9. Heaven or Hell?

It's your choice... Heaven or Hell

Aw, hell, I’ll pick heaven I guess.


10. Godless boy will kill you

If God doesn't matter to him, do you? [boy with gun pointed at camera answers in genesis]

…because if this boy isn’t raised by right-wing nutjobs with guns, he’ll find one and kill you with it.

* * *

Put your favorite terrible Christian billboards in the comments below… :)

  • http://twitter.com/GreetingsADM Greetings

    At least they got the “Hell” right in #9; it is written in Comic Sans.

  • Yoav

    Traitors lead to civil war, and the south will rise again.

  • Brian K

    The first billboard would have been better in the original German.

    • UrsaMinor

      Achtung! You will be vaterländisch, und you will like it!

    • Devysciple

      Which german billboard are you referring to? I’m not familiar with something like it in german. Unless you mean something generic from the WWII era, like
      Schäm Dich, Schwätzer!
      Feind hört mit
      Schweigen ist Pflicht!

      (source)
      For the christian ones, I liked #4 best, since it is the most undisputable Fail of them all.

      • Brian K

        Just kidding. referring to the kind of virulent nationalism associated with a certain short, mustachioed Maxium Leader. Violating Godwin’s Law a bit.

  • Jude

    Actually, number 2 isn’t that bad…

    • Elemenope

      I was gonna say, #2 is actually pretty funny.

      • Daniel Florien

        Agreed.

        • Reginald Selkirk

          Funny, yes, but the theist who came up with it is guilty of blasphemy.

          Blessed are the humble. That doesn’t include those who presume to speak for God.

          • semp

            Dude, lighten up ..

  • http://theotherweirdo.wordpress.com The Other Weirdo

    The Statue of Liberty in #6 looks like a Weeping Angel. Don’t even blink.

    • snake65

      thank you. good to know I am not the only one who saw that. don’t blink.

    • Ann

      LOL! Love Dr. Who!

      • Gallifrey

        Long live the good Doctor! I’ve learned more about living in the moment and seizing life from Doctor Who than the bible could ever have shown me :)

        • Yoav

          Why the Doctor is better then jesus part 1 and part 2.
          He is my time lord and savior.

          • http://theotherweirdo.wordpress.com The Other Weirdo

            All you have is that collection of Jesus fanfic! LOL!

      • Custador

        <- Lives in Cardiff. You jelly?

        • VoidWalker

          Yes. Yes, I am.

          Also, I am also apparently Jelly Baby, on the theory of “You Are What You Eat.”

  • David

    Does heaven have an atmosphere with clouds?

    • UrsaMinor

      Not exactly. I’ve heard that there are clouds, but not much atmosphere.

      • TrickQuestion

        …Zing?

        • UrsaMinor

          Thank you very much! I’ll be here all week.

          • Noelle

            2 drink minimum after 7 pm

            • Darwin

              Please tip your waitress.

  • JT

    I hope Mary in number 5 has a C-section. I’m pretty sure halos don’t birth well. Or is that just a leftover contraceptive device?

    • vasaroti

      Leftover Hindu/Buddhist/Greco-Roman device. Supposed to an aura or some such.

  • Spirula

    Ummm…for #5 I believe they used Tebow’s ultrasound.

    • Nelly

      ha!

  • drea

    Why do Christians hate so much? Simple question but with no answer. I am so sick and tired of Christians and their spreading of hate.

    • Reginald Selkirk

      Conveniently for them, God hates the same people they do.

    • fleda

      They hate our freedoms.

      • Ty

        Ha!

    • Matt P

      Oh, its simple. No TRUE Christian would hate. Ergo, not Christian. It’s science. (Fallacy use acknowledged in advance).

      However, posting of these billboards is a straw-man that is not representative of all Christians. Straw-man and Scotsman go hand in hand.

  • http://the-heretics-haven.blogspot.com/ Ben Crockett

    Wow. So many to choose from!
    I’ll go with the one from Answers In Genesis at the #10 spot.

  • Todd Libasci

    Re #9: CAKE OR DEATH?

    • Gallifrey

      ah, Eddie Izzard – priceless!

  • Keith

    Why is the guy in #4 taking a crap with his trousers on? Is this some kind of religious thing, in case god should catch sight of his arse?

  • Kyle N.

    The silhouetted figure in #4 isn’t praying. He’s just taking a hard shit.

  • Gary

    I was hoping they would have had my favorite that I saw once in Arkansas. It was a close up of Jesus’ face in pain with blood dripping down from the crown of thorns, and it said “Jesus loves you so much it HURTS!”

  • Matt R.

    How the hell did that halo fit through the birth canal??

    • UrsaMinor

      How does anyone who is born again fit through the birth canal, halo or no halo?

  • Alec

    Regarding #2, “You asked for a sign”. Don’t the people who wrote that realize they are speaking for god? Has it ever occurred to them that the people who wrote the bible were human beings speaking for god? The bible really has no more value than this “sign”.

  • JW

    what happened to that sign on May 22nd, 2011? did they put a new one up saying “We’re still here – the Bible must be wrong”

    • chaosof99

      That’s one of Harold Camping’s signs. He later postponed the apocalypse, or rather the destruction of the entire universe, to October 21st, 2011. Of course, God, realizing how stupid and boring it is to be without a universe, immediately reconstructed the universe on the 22nd with an apparent age. Camping has since shut up (I think). More here.

      I just feel sorry for all the people who bankrupted themselves over this shit.

      • Jesse

        I know it was their own fault for spending their fortunes on this misinformation, but I feel like people should be prosecuted for being pied pipers of bullshit.

        • Melody

          Sometimes I do, too, but I would think the humiliation and money wasted would be a lesson learned. Doesn’t make it true, though.

          • http://theotherweirdo.wordpress.com The Other Weirdo

            Actually, people just rationalize these failures away. They don’t learn. There are always exceptions, of course, but in general, it’s true. The Watch Tower, for example, is the perfect example. They used to predict the end of the world almost every year, and people still believed them, despite the notable lack of end of the world. That they’ve simply stopped predicting since then doesn’t mean people have learned anything.

            • http://fugodeus.com Nox

              The JW’s are still making all the same predictions about the end of the world.

              But after Jesus didn’t come back in 1975, they learned not to use specific dates.

            • UrsaMinor

              Took the JWs long enough to learn that simple lesson, after they put the date of the end of the world at 1914…er, 1915… er, 1918 [er, 1920, 1925, 1941...]

        • Nzo

          When arguing in this particular context, I actually applaud those that fleece the sheep. If you can’t overcome your christian ranch-style upbringing, you probably deserve to lose that money.

          Religious leaders can say or do ANYTHING and still be revered as ‘good christian men/women’. Sometimes, I think they want to know what the limit is, and push the limits until the newspapers wind up getting involved.

          Even then a lot of congregations would rather burn the victims of their preachers at the stake.

  • Paul

    The thing about #2: shouldn’t somebody contact the billboard agency to see who signed the check? “Follow the money”

    • Jesse

      haha “follow the money” best joke on this thread hands down

  • http://www.evvgroup.com Thomas Moore

    Unbelieveable stupudity….it’s almost surreal

  • Michael

    #1 is the most absurd of all of them. How could you even conceivably argue that atheism caused the American Civil War (or any other civil war for that matter)?

    • Melody

      Fundies will come up with anything if they think you’ll pay attention. Wait, did I say “think?” I meant “believe.” “Think” isn’t in these people’s vocabularies.

    • Melody

      Also, false equivalence fallacy.

      • Ty

        Did the founding father’s deism cause the revolutionary war?

    • Kendra

      It’s not saying that atheism caused THE civil war, just that it will cause civil war.

      In other words, they’re threatening a christian civil uprising against “anti-god” to get us “anti-americans” out of “their” country. It’s a threat, not a historical observation.

    • Yage Panther

      Well that’s actually a direct threat to start civil war against atheists and their lawyers because, to them, being atheist is anti-american treason which, apparently, can only be prevented by civil war.

      • Yage Panther

        EEEhm, I should have read Kendra post before replying to Michael. Kind of double post now.

        • Kendra

          Not really a double-post; I just think of it as confirmation that I read the meaning of the billboard appropriately. ;)

          For what it’s worth, I think you phrased it far better than I did.

  • drax

    I’m wondering what Anti-god was before there was an “America”. Was it Anti-European?

  • joe

    #10 reminds me of a Miami public service billboard warning against drug violence back in the 80s. The caption was: See Miami the way the natives do. The picture was the camera looking down the barrel of a mach 10 machine gun. These religious billboards don’t seem very uplifting to me. I like the Santa ones we see around our town better. So do my kids.

  • Kerri

    I’m pretty sure #2 is made by an atheist organisation.

  • vasaroti

    As for #6, even ignoring the Native American religions and African religions practiced in secret, there were groups of Jews, Muslims, and a few Zoroastrians and Hindus in the colonies. They may not have had the respect of the average subject of King George, but their trading contacts meant a lot to the success of this nation.

  • julie

    I saw a great one while I was with my mom on Highway 30 in Ohio. Here we are driving 8 hours to see my sick Grandma and we see this billboard that said ” Are you ready to meet your maker?” with flames painte on it. We busted up laughing! I was like “no, I’m not ready today, thanks anyway” It was kind of unsettling on such a long trip to see a sign reminding us that we may die soon. I wish I had a camera ready! If anyone has a picture of this sign I would love to have a copy.

  • Christopher Smith

    I love how ‘Hell’ is written in comic sans. :D

  • Phillip Young

    judgement day never comes! Click Here!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=773692362 Jansen Waddell

    #2 is hands-down my fave.


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