Jesus of Borg

According to NASA, Comet Elenin has broken up. Never very impressive, the comet has fallen apart in its orbit:

Latest indications are this relatively small comet has broken into even smaller, even less significant, chunks of dust and ice. This trail of piffling particles will remain on the same path as the original comet, completing its unexceptional swing through the inner solar system this fall.

This means that all the panic and godawful singing were a waste of time … OR DOES IT!!?!?!

io9 has been following some truly bizarre fringe theorists who think they know the TRUTH that NASA is trying to cover up. One is Alex Collier, whose theory is a mash-up of Christianity, Star Trek and sheer insanity. Collier has argued that the comet is actually a perfect cube, that the GOD of the Bible is actually an acronym for a Galactic Obliteration Device, and that Jesus was part of the Borg Collective.

As usual, this theory comes with a rats nest of linked sites. io9 links to The Canadian National newspaper, which is very … how to say this politely … very Canadian. They link to the page of the Luciferian Liberation Front, who seem to have abducted their website from the year 1996. And these guys are about one full Time Cube:

The writers of Star Trek the Next Generation were being prophetic in their visions of the Borg ship when they portrayed it as a giant cube. The inspiration of the Lightbringer; Lucifer, is manifest in their attempts to show humanity the connection between the amorality of collectivism and the New Jerusalem but no one seems to be listening…until now.

My favorite part is how they describe how the Kingdom of Heaven is basically a Borg Cube:

When we dissect the cube of heaven we see that it is constructed like a living cell with its own system of energy circulation and metabolism.

Beck’s Gulch
Subliminal Scriptures Teddy Bear
All Cycles Come to an End
Being Agent Scully
  • UrsaMinor

    Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.

    • Custador

      Mmmmmm 7 of 9…. Now there’s a revelation I could get behind, can I get an amen!

      • Darwin

        On a side-note, the recent comments box isn’t updating.

        • Darwin

          Sorry, it’s fine now.

      • Devysciple

        Ah-meeen, brother!!!

        BTT: “never very impressive”, “even less significant”… Come on, guys, a comet has feelings too!
        And what is it with religidiots and their cubes?????

        • Devysciple

          From the picture: “144 000 virgins” and the “Fist of God”… Roooooooflmao :D

  • Len

    That diagram of the Kingdon of Heaven / Borg Cube looks like the tablets I use in my dish washer to get everything sqeaky clean.

    And Purifiers? He was a guy in the Chronicles of Riddick. Maybe they got their sci-fi references crossed.

    • FO

      Why did I read “The Klingon of Heaven”!? ^_^

  • vasaroti

    I think it all goes to show that Paul and the rest of the folks who cobbled together Christianity really did not exert themselves to invent new or interesting elements for their religion. I’ll bet Simon Magus had a more entertaining shtick.

  • Francesco

    Could someone inform the borgs that we have Legos as our new mechanical overlords?

  • quodlibetor

    I hate to ruin any amount of fun, but they’re not really crazy, check out the faq.

    I’m pretty sure that it’s just some freethought folks who’ve got some inspiration from the culture-jammers.

    • Revyloution

      Ya, the borrow heavily from The Church of Bob Dobs, a well known parody faith.

      So, Poe’s law says that as the crazy increases, it becomes impossible to tell the difference between parody and real belief. I guess, even though it’s about Lucifer instead of Jesus, it still qualifies as a Poe.

    • Brian K

      While amusing, there is a little too much Ayn Rand in some of this stuff.

      I don;t know where I read this qupte recently, but any philosophy which places a strong emphasis on “efficiency” as a be all and end all is questionable. And, that is in there.

  • brgulker

    Well, I guess this explains my fascination with all things Star Trek. I have been assimilated.

  • FO

    So, their point is:

    “The Bible is True” + “Star Trek is True” = “Communism is Eeeeeevil!”

    This is actually a nice Poe.
    In fact, I wonder how many Trekkies are also fundamentalist Christians.
    I honestly can’t imagine such a person, do you guys know any?

    • wintermute

      Also, Star Trek has a utopian society in which humans have abandoned money and work towards the betterment of the self and society.

      Star Trek is unabashedly and proudly communist.

  • Lordboogar

    Jean Luc Picard who art in heaven, formerly of Borg –
    Thy Starship come,
    Thy will be done by Geordi, or Number One.
    Replicate us this day our daily Targ,
    and pardon us our violation of the Prime Directive.
    And lead us not into the neutral zone,
    but deliver us unto Beta-Zed for some mind-blowing R&R.
    Forever and ever – Amen

    • CoffeeJedi

      Daily targ? Isn’t that a hideous slathering Klingon dog… thing?
      How about raktajino instead?
      And swap out Betazed for Risa.

      All power to the engines.

  • Nathan

    Actually, Chuck Norris broke the comet just so he could put it back together and kick it again. That’s my theory anyways.

  • Grandma Julie

    “This is actually a nice Poe.”
    I love y’all’s comments, which are brilliant, but I guess I’ve been hiding in my lab too long; will someone please ‘splain to me the reference of “a Poe”? It crops up here, frequently, and I miss its meaning. TIA.

  • UrsaMinor

    I don’t know of any Christian fundamentalist Trekkies personally, and I know a lot of Trekkies, and not a few Christian fundamentalists. Doesn’t mean that the combination doesn’t exist, but my suspicion is that it’s a rare one.

    • JonJon

      Oh, I know several fundamentalist evangelical trekkies.