Religion Is Like a Penis

Religion is like a penis. It's fine to have one and it's fine to be proud of it, but please don't whip it out in public and start waving it around... and PLEASE don't try to shove it down my children's throats.

  • Tom U.

    childish… not clever

    • http://themikewrites.blogspot.com JohnMWhite

      Back to the drawing board, everybody, Tom U has decreed that this random picture on the internet talking about a penis is childish and not clever! We really should have made a comparison with War and Peace or something much more high brow.

      Ooh, how about an eyebrow?

      Religion is like an eyebrow
      It’s fine to have one.
      It’s common to have two.
      But just because somebody has no eyebrows doesn’t mean they’re a being of pure evil or that they have to pass your snotty standards with every utterance they post online.

    • Francesco

      Neither of the above. It’s just funny.

    • Noelle

      Religion is like a zucchini…

      No, that doesn’t work.

    • http://www.brgulker.tumblr.com brgulker

      I lol’d (and I’m a Christian).

    • Melody

      Lighten up, dude. I’m Christian and I fully agree with it.

    • Kodie

      @Tom U – It’s not clever, it’s spot ON. If it seems childish, perhaps you don’t like your religion reduced to a metaphor about the male genitalia and oral rape, but it’s still apt, and would you like to defend how your religion just so happens to resemble oral rape, or you just clueless, butt-hurt, and satisfied with your initial “zing!”?

    • KillerMrCheese

      Uh oh Somebody had a case of the butt hurts :O

  • Schaden Freud

    It’s clever and funny. I need to print it out for the benefit of my religious family members when they come for Xmas dinner.

  • 100meters

    Actually, my middle-aged penis is somewhat like a certain religion….after I get nailed, it won’t rise again until the third day.

    • Nelly

      ha!

    • mindy

      Are you related to my husband? What a coincidence. LOL! That was a good one 100.

  • Matt P

    I had an (uncomfortable) discussion at work the other day with someone about religion. Uncomfortable, because, like my penis, I don’t wave it around. It turns out everything is cool between us ( I think – haven’t seen any indications otherwise, at least it didn’t make his blog) but I still didn’t like having it in the first place.

    Let’s just say this. I’m in the military, which has its own issues. Religion, as far as I am concerned, is not one of them, as long as it stays in its place (ie not at work). He had been possibly harassed in the past for his preferences, and I was expressing my concerns that despite my personal disagreement with his preferences, it had no bearing on work, his or mine, and that he should contact me directly if he experienced any harassment so that I could put an end to it.

    I support freedom of religion for all individuals, which includes a level of proselytizing, but absolutely no endorsement of any religious preference by the government or anyone acting in official capacity.

  • joe

    I like it.

  • Logan

    I’ve always added to the end of that: “and you should discriminate against people who don’t have one.”

    • Logan

      *shouldn’t
      Jeez.

  • Lynne

    This is disgusting and crass. I like it.

  • Pjevs

    My penis is more honest than any religion.

  • Andy

    Why are you (Schaden Freud et al) observing a religious holiday (Xmas?) if you are not religious? Don’t have Christ but still have Christmas…

    • Custador

      You don’t have a clue what the history of Christmas is, yet you’re still blathering your inane opinion about it, so I’m not going to feel too bad about celebrating Yule.

      • Kodie

        The way I remember it is, Christianity imposing itself without regard on much of our culture, presuming everyone to be Christian anyway and wouldn’t mind, and now we have a holiday that is tough to ignore despite any wanting to. We mostly take part because it is a cultural tradition in the Western world, because Christians are inconsiderate bullies and culturally ignorant.

        • Kodie

          As per point #4 of the instructional, and notwithstanding, it’s not unpleasant if you like people and don’t mind a whole month of upheaval in your routine the prior 11 months. Church is the optional part. Christ has become the optional part. Hardly anyone I know, even if they are nominally Christian focuses too hard on that part anyway.

    • Kodie

      Atheists have families too, atheists like giving and receiving gifts too, atheists like to set aside a time for warmth and mirth, I mean if you want Christmas to be about Christ, why don’t you just keep it about that and shove the heck out of our festivities.

      • Kodie

        And we can call it anything we like, we don’t really have to be reverent to your type and call it anything other than Christmas. That’s what it’s called, the thing with all the lights and candy canes and snowmen. We like Easter too, Easter doesn’t have Christ in it at all.

        • Custador

          A giant bunny rabbit left chocolate eggs in my garden – It’s the story of Jeeeeesus!

          • Kodie

            Any way you do Easter, it’s just a “howdy, Springtime!” Chocolate is a great way to say so. I especially like how it’s calculated for its place on the calendar by moon phases and earth’s revolution around the sun. That’s such a Christian way of revering the miracle of their lord’s supposed resurrection.

            • Sunny Day

              Yah kind of always bugged me. Christers claim he was born on a very specific day, but the date of it’s death keeps hopping around like a mad bunny rabbit.

            • http://fugodeus.com Nox

              Religious connotations are a mere afterthought to the human need to party and mark time.

              Is it a coincidence that we celebrate death in the fall, and resurrection in the spring.

          • Mogg

            So, not the story of Eostre, then? ;-)

          • UrsaMinor

            Screw religion. My inner 7-year-old just likes the idea of a rabbit that poops chocolate.

        • kawika

          nothing personal, quite frankly i dont care what god you do or do not worship, i just happen to think you miss the true essence of christmas and easter. you say you are atheist and still like giving and receiving gifts, why not choose another day for your gift giving say like sept 11.

          • Custador

            Why do you choose December 25th? It’s not because it was Christ’s birthday – It’s because there were existing mid-Winter festivals that took place around that time, and by having one of it’s own (which also happened to absorb some of the central mythology of earlier religions), Christianity was able to co-opt members of other faiths. Christmas is the most recent in a long line of religious festivals to take place at this time of year. We’re just joining in the merriment that existed long before your religion existed, my friend.

            • Tyrrlin

              Especially considering the Catholic “Feast of the Immaculate Conception” (which my college observed, being a private Catholic school) is on December 8th. Must’ve been one heck of a pregnancy either way.

              Christmas was moved to Dec 25th to coincide with “pagan” celebrations and give people a reason to convert. :-P

          • Sunny Day

            The True Essence of Christmas and Easter.

            You mean the Winter and Spring Equinox? You know the holidays that existed way before your religion decided to co-opt them?

          • http://fugodeus.com Nox

            September 11th is also a religious holiday.

          • Kodie

            I think you miss the essence of winter and spring. We don’t have to “step off” your “essence.” You can’t own the days of the week, man.

            • Jabster

              Living in the UK means that Xmas and Easter really don’t have anything to do with religion so maybe the real question is why don’t Christians find their only holidays and stop co-opting ours.

            • Kodie

              That’s sort of ancient business. In the US, I think Christmas mainly exists due to overwhelming ignorance by Christians, even as they are the highest in population, Christian privilege per se, presuming that everyone else was Christian and most everyone was. I mean all types of Christians, not just fundies, but those raised believing vaguely and going to church sometimes. The holiday has reverted to a cultural tradition of winter and now the Christians want all on board now to get off and let them have their Christian holiday back. Most people celebrating Christmas are still Christians, but the rest of us having been steamrolled over the decades, tend to just go with it until it’s over. You can’t really avoid it and send it back to just the Christians if you tried.

              It seems to be the few hardcore “it’s about Christ” types that aren’t willing to share what they’ve decided is Jesus’s birthday, what’s turned into a month-long extravaganza of festive decor, getting together with people you miss and taking time to exchange gifts and drinks… all the while indoctrinating or bribing little children into the system. If someone like kawika wants to shut off that flow, well, firstly, he or she knows a little like what it feels to be an atheist in a religiously presumptive culture. Secondly, it’s not about Jesus – Jesus is the option now. Gift-giving and partying and lights is the holiday.

              News for you too, kawika! – Mardi Gras is also a big party for partying’s sake. Observing Lent is the very least of it now. (Add a little numerology to your already arbitrarily astronomically figured date of the resurrection of Christ. While you’re at it, preclude yourself from eating meat on certain days while not out of concern for animals or personal health, but for an imaginary friend to like you).

            • Jabster

              “Secondly, it’s not about Jesus – Jesus is the option now.”

              I think that’s the real point that Xmas is a holiday but has a religious meaning to some. Weirdly I’m on holiday in East Europe and although they are far more religious than the UK the majority of their Xmas ‘events’ are based on folklore and not Christianity. Of course there is the present giving and lots of drinking involved also.

  • Robster

    If I were a penis, I’d be pissed!

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