Look at Me, I’m Cuddly

Apparently this is a student-made video for the “Day of Purity,” in which a teddy bear with a creepy voice tells a young man to keep it in his pants.

Honestly, I’m having a hard time believing that this isn’t a parody. The only thing that makes me think it’s real is the fact that it’s no more creepy or ridiculous than the “Purity Balls” and “Purity Rings” that this crowd has already come up with.


Via Christian Nightmares

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  • http://www.laughinginpurgatory.com/ Andrew Hall

    Does this imply that the guy is interested in his teddy bear in the same way that he’s interested in his future wife? I don’t think Jesus would approve of a man-stuffed bear relationship.

    Oh, this video also demonstrates that one of the most difficult things to get right while filming is the sound.

    • http://blog.notdot.net/ Nick Johnson

      I don’t know, the cuts were pretty clumsy too.

      And the whole thing was incredibly creepy.

      • Kodie

        It’s a student-made film, so I wouldn’t take away points for its technical flaws or even its concept of bear-as-conscience.

      • Dave

        Yup, I noticed the continuity was somewhat less than Spielberg/Lucas quality!

    • Elemenope

      I don’t think Jesus would approve of a man-stuffed bear

      Me either. Doesn’t sound kosher, and I’d imagine pretty mealy and preservative-laden.

      • Devysciple

        I am so glad that I’m not the only one who tripped over this linguistic ambiguity… so glad…

  • Julie42

    That’s pretty accurate; saving sex for marriage results in marrying way too early. Tons of evangelical Christians end up marrying their first serious relationship because they have that first love feeling and they want to have sex as soon as they can, so they get married as soon as they can. And since they have tons of Christian friends that get married at that age, it doesn’t seem that weird to them.

    • Kodie

      The concept of purity is supposed to be, I think, a trap. Maybe not all it’s supposed to be, but to get those people together to raise families before they’re old enough to know what’s happening and too late to make other choices with their lives.

      Another problem with the concept of purity is that Christians (at least, being predominant in the US) use the “god’s gift of intimacy,” the pleasure of sex in monogamous life-long committed heterosexual relationships sealed by god as the hammer to legislate to all the rest of us that they own the rights and only god can dictate the terms of love and pleasure, and pre-marital or non-monogamous or homosexual or masturbatory versions should be outlawed or protested incessantly. For example, gay marriage hurts heterosexual marriage not at all but to “tarnish” their brand.

      • Theory_of_I

        In studies of ancient Britain, people from around 4000 BC lived to around < 25 for women (the figures are brought down by deaths through childbirth) and around < 35 for men.

        So most of the biblical demands for “purity” when the OT was written assumed few people would live little more than a decade or so after puberty, ergo reproduction and child rearing were premium concerns that presumably would best be accommodated by a nurturer and a provider.

        Today's inerrantist Christians can't see (or won't) how anything has changed.

  • Rover Serton

    Julie42, I agree, my son just went to a wedding that was just that. The kids wanted sex and had to get married to do it. I wish them well but the sex will ebb and the marriage will remain. I wish them well.

    This commercial will not save many.

  • http://themikewrites.blogspot.com JohnMWhite

    Of course, it would be the evil woman trying to tempt the man away from the path of purity and virtue, wouldn’t it?

    • Kodie

      Well, they wouldn’t put a guy in it, but don’t young guys get a lot of pressure from their guy pals to get laid. In the interest of a successful ad speaking to their kind, they might ought to portray that as well.

      As for purity bear, it is a decision that might affect the rest of his life because she could get pregnant. Thought bubble on the guy, “Can I stick it in the bear?” occurs to me. Getting married to have sex also affects the rest of your life because what kind of job do you have, how are you prepared, just by virtue of being married, to support a family. Getting married doesn’t change your responsibilities. It says it could affect the rest of his life, not his salvation. Clearly, marriage in the bible is from a time when people didn’t have extended childhoods, and getting pregnant was a relative certainty, and fathers owned their daughters as property. Promising to not bolt is generally a good thing, has nothing to do with god or a ring or a ceremony.

      • Schaden Freud

        Young guys particularly do get a lot of pressure from their friends to get laid. More than women do, I think – women are pressured not to be “slutty”. But guys encourage each other to shag as much as possible. The more you get laid, the more “manly” you are.

      • http://themikewrites.blogspot.com JohnMWhite

        “Well, they wouldn’t put a guy in it, but don’t young guys get a lot of pressure from their guy pals to get laid. In the interest of a successful ad speaking to their kind, they might ought to portray that as well.”

        Guys get a ton of pressure from their peers to get laid as soon as possible and as often as possible, but they also get a ton of pressure from their own bodies to do the same. None of that really seems to be on display here, it’s simply a woman going “come to bed with me” and a guy listening to Jesus (in the guise of a teddy bear) and passing.

        “As for purity bear, it is a decision that might affect the rest of his life because she could get pregnant.”

        And not affect the rest of her life at all…

        This one of my problems with these desperate attempts to sell virginity – it always seems to focus on one person getting screwed, instead of considering the fact that they’re both in it together. Either the woman should be the one saying no because she’ll be ruined by the slabbering monster that is every male ever, or the man is supposed to resist the evil seductress because she’ll wind up having a baby and ruining his life.

        • Kodie

          One of them needs to be the voice of reason. Not that she doesn’t suggest to come inside, but that would imply she’s done this with other boys, or was that what the long “I like you a lot” dialogue was? It’s odd in a scenario that suggests she’s either careless or trying to trap him and that he’d rather trap himself than be careless. I know it was a low-budget student film, but it looks like they just put off having sex until that weekend, or however long it takes to get a wieners-and-beans potluck-affair-in-your-prom-outfits together in the church basement. Maybe an extra week.

          Only when they’re married are they in it together, though. The guy here seems, through purity bear, to be incapable of keeping a promise. In real life, the man is held legally responsible for a child should the woman choose to keep it, whether he’s married to her or not. Without marriage, he cannot keep a promise or doesn’t want it to “affect the rest of his life.” I personally don’t think enough teens think about that when they’re horny and their parents aren’t home and they have the house to themselves, and get totally freaked out about actual consequences. The troubling part is that getting married <10 days later (apparently) makes potentially having a child with your high school classmate completely wise and ok. Because you're horny, it's not ok to have sex, but because you're horny, it's ok to tie a frekkin' knot in the deal. I mean, what are you prospects, son?

  • http://www.etsy.com/shop/skeletaldropkick Cris

    That girl should have run screaming the second that bear rose up from behind him….

  • Verdugo13

    Like I’ve always said about waiting until marriage to have sex, I wouldn’t buy a car without test driving it first. What if you find out 6 months down the road that you aren’t sexually compatible?

  • L.Long

    The bear is a good idea for the guys.
    As they can masturbate into the bear as then ‘…the sperm will not hit the ground’ which makes it technically OK. And who knows the relationship may grow.

  • Alexis

    I hope she has some condoms on hand. It’s a sure bet that he doesn’t.

    • Kodie

      It doesn’t work if you wear them on your hand. But what the F do abstinence-only-taught teenagers know?

  • Len

    At least they waited until she was someone’s bridesmaid.

  • Schaden Freud

    Maybe the point here is to produce something so revolting and creepy that it kills even the most determined erection.

    • Devysciple

      I don’t know how old you are, but when I think back to the time girls became attractive, I sure as hell know that there is nothing than kann kill the hormone-fueled boners of male teenagers. Luckily, it doesn’t stay that way – the unkillability and the boner.

      • Schaden Freud

        Hey, I didn’t say it would be successful, just that it looks like that might be what they were going for.

  • Noelle

    I need to get a creepy porch bear for my daughter’s teen years.

  • Ebon Badger

    What’s that noise? Oh wait, it’s me, crying with laughter. Still, it’s nice to know that Paedo Bear has relatives.

    • Custador

      Rule 1 and Rule 2, dude :-p

  • http://filipinofreethinkers.org/ Twin-Skies

    Purity Bear – the brother pedobear doesn’t want to talk about :(