What Would Jesus NOT Do?

February 3, 2012 By 30 Comments

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Filed Under: Christianity, Comics, Fundamentalism, Jesus 30 Comments
  • Josh Stewart

    Does a whip made of cords count as a weapon?

  • Lester Ballard

    Why wouldn’t he?

    • mikespeir

      Yeah. I don’t know that he wouldn’t do any of that.

  • trj

    What he would do is consign all of those people to eternal torture if they fail to believe in him. Much much worse than any of the things mentioned.

    • FO

      This.
      All the rest pales.

      • trj

        But at least he does it out of love for us. Isn’t that comforting?

        • Nan C

          “Isn’t that comforting?”

          Not particularly, no.

          Try this instead: Matthew 25:40 “As you do it unto the least of these my brothers, you have done it unto me. ”

          That’s the Christianity I was taught.

          • Len

            You might want to remind “believers” who, for example, shoot doctors.

          • FO

            There are very good and very bad things in the Bible.
            Why would you try one instead of the other?

            To me it’s obvious that you know already what you want, and then look for authority to validate it, discarding what you don’t want.

            Don’t get me wrong, I do like people like you.
            But do you really need that book’s validation and instructions to be good?

            • carlos

              Nicely said. Thank you.

  • Lynne

    Mmmmmmm.

    Feels good down to my very bones to know Jesus would never shoot me.

    Feels so good.

    • Len

      He apparently tells other people to shoot you, though.

      • Len

        (hopefully not you personally, but you generically)

    • Kodie

      Jesus would never shoot me,
      This I know,
      Because the bible was written before there were guns.

    • FO

      The same Jesus that tells that unbelievers like me will be destroyed?

  • vasaroti

    Still, might be a useful image to email back to people who send you hateful emails.

    • Noelle

      Jesus would never mass-forward chain emails.

      • Elemenope

        *ahem* Paul’s epistles?

        :)

        • Noelle

          Did those originally come with pictures of kittens and the disclaimer that if one really loved Jesus one would pass it onto 14 of one’s friends immediately, lest you be cursed and sure to die and burn in hell very soon?

          • DMG

            Replace “pictures of kittens” with “promises of healing, eternal life & happiness”

            …and “pass it onto 14 of one’s friends” with “preach the good word to your fellow man for the rest of your mortal life,”

            …and yeah. The Bible is a tremendously successful chain letter.

  • Rosa St.Claire

    Jesus doesn’t need to own a weapon.

    • Kodie
    • Elemenope

      That’s true. He messed up that fig tree with mind bullets!

    • Jabster

      Of course he doesn’t need a weapon … he’s got the ultimate my dad’s bigger than you dad comeback. Add to that he’s already shown that he’s prepared to kill almost all life of this planet if we don’t do as he says – who’s going to mess with that?

    • Jabster

      For a mod …. are my posts ending up as spam.

      • Custador

        I’ve dug through the spam bin, there’s nothing in there from you mate.

        • Jabster

          Thanks for looking Custy … something a bit weird is going on as the post for 5:26am wasn’t showing up when I posted the second one at 8:21am. Oh well … how’s the weather where you are?

  • Deke

    Abort a fetus.

    • Kodie

      That’s only because the wire hanger wasn’t invented until 1903, and he hung with an all-dude crew. But he did abort himself.

  • http://www.berstal.pl Claretta Strassberg

    Nice post! Please more ;D