Non-Cognitive Elites

The National Organization for Marriage, whose sole reason for existence seems to be preventing marriage, was recently forced to release internal documents as part of a court case in Maine. Numerous sources, including the New York Times picked up on one internal memo in which NOM planned to pit black civil rights groups against gay groups.

However, one of the most interesting memos details NOM’s plan to aid its cause by recruiting attractive but unintelligent celebrities. From GLAAD:

It sounds like a headline from the Onion, but strategy documents uncovered yesterday, from the nation’s most prominent anti-gay marriage group, the National Organization for Marriage (found by the Human Rights Campaign), reveal a novel approach to convincing Americans to vote against marriage equality: recruit glamorous but unintelligent celebrities. (p.19/20)

“Hollywood with its cultural biases is far bigger than we can hope to be. We recognize this. But we also recognize the opportunity – the disproportionate potential impact of proactively seeking to gather and connect a community of artists, athletes, writers, beauty queens and other glamorous non-cognitive elites across national boundaries. (This is applying the Witherspoon and IAV model to non-intellectual elites.)”

I just love the phrase “non-cognitive elites.” I wish NOM well in its attempts to enlist pretty dumb celebrities. There certainly are enough of them, but they’re going to have to fight the Scientologists for every one.

  • DMG

    “they’re going to have to fight the Scientologists for every one.”

    Will they? Scientology is no friend of gays and lesbians. NOM might well be able to broker a stupidity sharing deal. ;)

  • JohnMWhite

    Unfortunately there was a mixup in 2008 and the memo turned up on the desk of John McCain while he was looking for his VP.

    • trj

      Nah, Palin only became a celebrity after her nomination. But yeah, the “non-intellectual” part was right on.

      • JohnMWhite

        She was a local celebrity at least, and a former beauty queen, which I imagine was enough to meet the criteria.

  • vasaroti

    What’s the “Witherspoon and IAV model?”
    It’s my impression that Ms. Witherspoon isn’t really dumb, she just gets paid for acting that way.

  • Holytape

    Thinking leads to questioning. Questioning leads to doubt. Doubt leads to Denial. And Denial leads straight to a naked-man-on-man-on-woman-on-goat orgy in hell. It’s true; it’s in the bible.
    Fear and Loathing in Damascus

    • The Other Weirdo

      You know, while I wouldn’t necessarily want to participate, I’d pay money to watch a naked-man-on-man-on-woman-on-goat orgy in hell. I mean, I nearly covered my monitor in spit reading that. LOL!

  • Yoav

    The poor people at The Onion, with the exponential growth of genuine stupidity it must be really hard to come up with stuff that haven’t actually been said (non-ironically) by someone who has an actual shot at being the republican presidential nominee.

  • Noelle

    I like how even they know that only stupid people will agree with them. Don’t even bother with the smarties. Or even people who can think a little. Go for extra-stupid. International even. Wouldn’t want to discriminate

    Non-cog reminds me of the pre-cogs in Minority Report. I guess their super-power is endorsing repugnant causes, instead of solving future murders. Gotta be a place for everyone in the dystopia.

    • FO

      Their power is endorsing whatever cause pays best.

  • Bertrand T Russell

    Christians….. Rub against one, and there is only one possible result! You come away smelling like SHITE!!!!!

  • Anonymous-Sam

    I’m officially coining the term “NOMcognitive” now. :p

  • FO

    Shouldn’t be “whose sole reason”? oO