Precious Moments

People do weird things to the Bible.

We’ve taken the cherubim and changed them from the fierce guardians of Eden into chubby little naked children with wings.

If someone really was born in a stable, it would be an ugly scene with blood on the straw and the smell of afterbirth and manure. We’s sanitized it and put it on Hallmark cards.

Somehow, “Biblical” has come to mean “wholesome” in American culture. So Rachel Held Evans presents these Biblical entries into the cloying “Precious Moments” line. Here’s my favorite:

And also:

These were originally created by Tom LaMothe, pastor of First Baptist Church in Greenport, New York. I’d say they are pitch perfect.

Romance at Mars Hill
Invisible Watermelon
Atheist Dog Tricks
Once you run out of ice giants ...
  • Revruthucc

    I just pointed some folks to the story of Jael as an example of a strong woman in the Bible. These are terrific!

    • Yoav

      That works fine as long as you don’t pay attention to the actual story. Sisra’s army has been destroyed, he’s a fugitive fleeing the battlefield, Jael pretend to give him sanctuary and then murder him in his sleep, as models for ethical behavior go, you can do better.

  • UrsaMinor

    Somebody really needs to do a Precious Moments mashup with Gollum.

  • WarbVIII

    Love ‘em!!

  • Schaden Freud

    So, these are not a piss take? Because I’m just going to carry on and forward them to me friends as a piss take anyway.

  • PartlySunny

    This is the best thing I’ve seen all month (granted it’s only the 5th, but still). I hate Precious Moments, and my husband’s right-winger, ultra-Christian aunt sends me one of their ornaments every single year. Along with the fervent hope that my soul will someday be saved…